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Original poster

What is the worst food you ever made?

187 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 25/04/2007 21:14

Mine: banana guacomole. When I was first making guacomole, before I'd learned that you always open the avocadoes first, to be sure they're usable, I'd prepped up everything, got ready to add avos, and they were rock hard.

So I tried subsituting banana. On the basis that bananas are a bit like avocadoes. (They are high cal, and ripen off the vine.)

It was gross.

OP posts:
Botbot · 26/04/2007 19:26

I was once caught by one of my flatmates attempting to fry milk. I was very, very drunk. I had some mushrooms, too, and in my mind it was going to make a lovely creamy pasta sauce.

KathyMCMLXXII · 26/04/2007 19:46

Ah mine was a lemon and parmesan pasta sauce I got out of a Sunday paper.

The trouble was, with parmesan tasting ever so slightly like vomit, and the lemon to provide that sharpness in the back of the throat, eating it was like throwing up in reverse.

Blandmum · 26/04/2007 19:49

My mother once tried to brown gravy with Venos Cough Syrup.

nickytwotimes · 26/04/2007 19:51

my stomach is churning reading this!!
i once made garlic soup. the recipe said i bulb - yes, bulb -of garlic
it was inedible

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 26/04/2007 19:52

Oh, Kathy, I like that recipe, if it's got basil in it, too. I haven't made it for ages, but it's lovely really.

MB, why did your mum try to brown gravy with cough syrup? Confused

If we can include our mothers ... mine used to just make the scariest things with leftovers. We often had stew with lettuce in it. Or raisins. (And yes, you can have a tagine with raisins, and I'm sure someone has done a lovely stew with lettuce. Trust me, it wasn't like that.)

I'd bet her various mealworm and meat-gone-off adventures don't really fit in here ...

OP posts:
Blandmum · 26/04/2007 20:00

My mother had a habit of
a.keeping things is odd places, so the venos was in the kitchen cupboard
b. grabbing and using things without reading or looking at the label.

So she did it bt mistake

Off topic other memorable mistakes she made.

She sprayed her hair with Mr Sheen instaer of hair spray.

In the days before aerosols, she sprayed her nostril with hair spray instead of Vicks Sinex

She was quite something was my Ma

chipmonkey · 26/04/2007 20:53

In secondary school we had Home Economics on a Monday morning and had to bring in the ingredients. I knew I needed cayenne pepper but didn't check how much and just bunged some onto some clingfilm, twisted it up and threw it in with my other ingredients. My best friend and cooking partner, assumed when she saw the twist of clingfilm, that that was the exact amount and threw it all in, there must have been a tablespoon when the recipe called for a pinch! The result was cheese straws that were so fiery they were absolutely inedible! When I think back, nearly everything I made in that class was a disaster, crunchy fried rice, Apple amber pudding that tasted as if the topping had been made with lemon washing up liquid..... I am actually quite a good cook now but my home ec teacher must have been despairing of me!

SeeYouEntee · 26/04/2007 21:20

Spent ages trying to make raspberry gateaux. Picked raspberries from garden, and hand whisked damn mixture for about 20 minutes, then misread recipe and added about 5 times too much flour. Rather optimistically tried baking anyway. Result made DH phsl. And take photographic evidence: gat-oh-no!

chipmonkey · 26/04/2007 22:36

PMSL SeeYouEntee!

Jenkeywoo · 26/04/2007 22:44

When I was a teenager I wanted to make tuna and sweetcorn pasta salad but didn't have any tuna - in fact the only 'protein' items in the house was a tin of campbells meatballs.. which I washed the the tomato sauce off, sliced then added to the pasta, mayo and sweetcorn. It was SCARY - kind of like chunks of catfood. didn't eat it.

NineUnlikelyTales · 27/04/2007 10:03

SeeYouEntee can I have the recipe please?

noddyholder · 27/04/2007 10:17

Seeyouenntee is a horrible nickname

NineUnlikelyTales · 27/04/2007 10:37

Oh now I get it Yes it is, isn't it.

redsky · 27/04/2007 10:54

Home made cornish pasties - yeeeeuuurrkkk! The recipe called for lard and years later I can still remember that ukky cloying feeling. Think it was nigella's recipe so I've avoided trying any more of hers.

chipmonkey · 27/04/2007 11:04

OMG, didn't spot that! SeeYouEntee, are you a namechanger?

SeeYouEntee · 27/04/2007 11:43

Tee hee! Wondered if anyone would notice... [very bad]

Jamantha · 27/04/2007 12:01

Tried to make cabbage cheese as a student when didn't have cauliflower - disgusting!

Have been served "lasagne" by a family member which was composed of mince and onion (taken from a packet of dried onions), layered with runner beans between sheets of pasta, (note no tomatos, no sauce, ie no liquid) a light sprinkling of low-fat cheese on top and then baked. I have NEVER had to add so much tomato ketchup to a meal to make it go down!

popsycal · 27/04/2007 13:44

argh
i have just clicked on this thread via the home page and read it thinking it made no sense at all

i never 'flip' threads but threads from the home page are flipped

read it backwards

Astrophe · 27/04/2007 13:54

We had people to dinner once and I was trying to make an impression (guests included DH's prospective boss and his DW).

For pudding I made a lovely apricot and rasberry upside down cake. It looked good when I served it up but when everyone took their first mouthful the conversation ceased and we all chewed silently until I said "I don't think I'll make this again, it tastes a bit salty!" (An understatement - it was completely vile)

My friend then exclaimed loudly "Oh NO! Somebody has sprinkled bicarbonate of soda all over it!"

And the worst thing was, for a few seconds after she said it I looked around pretending to be scadalised, as if that somebody wasn't me.

suzywong · 27/04/2007 13:58

Jamanta, that reminds me of a dish I was served by a student:
farfalle pasta, packet onions, baked beans and Sossmix balls and whole tined tomatoes

I simply could not eat it. He was insulted but I was saved. Hard luck, gothy film student I say

yaddayah · 27/04/2007 14:06

DH made sausages and mash once, looked really nice, but the mash had a strange almost slimey texture.. ahh he said somewhat crestfallen, that'll be the egg.. he'd heard somewhere about adding eggwhites to make things fluffy, but had decided to chuck in 3 raw whole eggs as he didn't know how to seperate them

We had beans on toast in the end

Lucycat · 27/04/2007 14:07

My mum once cooked a lovely sprig of buddleia in with the frozen peas - her defence - it was dark and the mint was next to it in the garden.

We lived - just.

Astrophe · 27/04/2007 14:10

yadda, LOL!

casbie · 27/04/2007 14:33

reminds me of when my hubby cook a romantic meal for us - rice dish...

it was like semilina (sp?) truely revolting and i quote "I spent ages on that - i strained it and everything"

i retold this story at work, when comparing men cooking food and one of my female collegues said "what's wrong with draining it?"

YohoAhoy · 27/04/2007 14:55

SeeYouEntee - excellent cake disaster!

Mine would be fairy cakes. You'd think it would be hard to mess up something with only 4 ingredients, but it's very easy if you forget one of those ingredients.

Leaving out flour results in the discovery, on opening the oven door, of a tray full of cake cases filled with oozing puddles of slime.

Oozing puddles of slime that pulsate.

Yum.

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