What is the worst food you ever made?

[NotQuiteCockney]

Mine: banana guacomole. When I was first making guacomole, before I'd learned that you always open the avocadoes first, to be sure they're usable, I'd prepped up everything, got ready to add avos, and they were rock hard.

So I tried subsituting banana. On the basis that bananas are a bit like avocadoes. (They are high cal, and ripen off the vine.)

It was gross.

I made a truly disgusting stew for dh that contained frankfurters and some vegetables and about 20 million gallons of stock. Oh god, it was horrible, horrible, horrible!!! I hadn't known dh for long at the time and he manfully ate the whole thing which was more than I managed.

I actually threw away the whole cookbook that contained this recipe in the firm belief that the rest of the recipes must be as bad!!!

i grilled a whole chicken once (i am shilpashetty)
turned wrong knob on oven(was pregnant)
did cook as grill got the fat really hot, but it was only roasted really on the top.
cried when discovered what i had done

hugh-wats-his-name of river cottage fame has a lot to answer for...

namely welsh rarebit, absolutely foul

and later i heard on the radio that he never actually cooks his own reciepes at home after being berated by a journalist. he admitted that the reciepes were all about promoting fork-to-plate

wtf!

i'm sticking with jamie oliver, all the way now.

Recently made a fish pie as we had a glut of frozen salmon in the freezer and not much else in. I'd defrosted it and poached it milk with salt, pepper and a bayleaf. Attempted to make my first ever white sauce using the cooking liquor, then realised I didn't have a rolling pin to make any kind of pie crust so decided crumble topping would work instead.

I found a salmon crumble recipe online somewhere but somehow didn't notice it was designed for babies. I guesstimated the proportions as I couldn't find my scales, and basically dumped the massive amount of crumble mix on top of the flaked dish in sauce.

It was SO bland and claggy, stuck to the roof of your mouth alarmingly... absolutely horrible. And I'd used every pot and pan in the house. Poor dp tried to eat it but I felt so sorry for him I chucked it away and made toast.

a sandwich made of white bread, cold tinned baked beans, gherkins, tartar sauce and sliced onions. I was 12 & thought it was yum at the time. Now the idea makes me heave.

My friend was telling me about his Dad's cooking the other day and it really made me laugh.

He improvised some sort of bolognaise type thing and found what looked like some shallots in the vegetable rack so he bunged them in too. It all became apparent when they were tucking in that he'd cooked some bulbs that his wife was keeping to plant in the garden

I once put mung beans in the pepper grinder and wondered for several weeks why nothing tasted peppery any more

a friend gave me some broad beans from her allotment

I looked up a recipe that was for some kind of 'humous style dip' with the broadbeans

ack

Special chocolate birthday cake for 40th bday and forty odd guests - with salt.

Oh, I've made a humous-style dip with broad beans. It wasn't that bad ...

A certain indie rock star was once consumed with admiration for my broad bean dip [puffing up with pride emoticon]

however, you have to get them when they're young, the skins get awfully tought in a matter of days.

post recipe please .. as broad beans seem to grow in abundance

,,and there must be something that you can do with them that makes them edible!

Horrible things.

My mum gave us all really bad food poisoning by chopping up daffodil bulbs and putting them in spag bol - honest. My dad was really really bad.

She was trying her hand at a 'Good Life' kinda style and thought they were her onions.

I made some onion rings once

although noone could tell what they were

flacid beige things they were (some cack low-fat recipe!)

Oooh, I've just remembered, I once made green chicken.

I put onion, lemon and garlic with it, I think, and it all turned a rather lurid mouldy sort of green. I think it was a chemical reaction to acidity/alkalinity? Not sure. It wasn't mould, that's for sure.

It wasn't edible, either.

Muffins

Although I still have to insist that they tasted fine, just looked like rocks.

Aubergine bake - looked like green vomit and tasted like spiced vomit!

Twiglett, you surely can't be contemplating making anything from here

Niceglasses you were LUCKY - Daffodil bulbs are highly toxic. Entire families have died this way!

Bread pudding last weekend

I know, somebody else told me we were lucky. My dad did have one night in the hossie. I must say it was abut the illest I have ever been.........we still rib her about it though!!!

My ex-boyfriend decided 'as a treat' that he would cook me a vegetable chilli. I explained how to do it, fry up the onions veggies, add chopped tomatos and a bit of the chilli from the jar of chopped chillis. How could this go wrong?

Well let's just say he misinterpreted a 'bit of chilli' as 'the entire 200g jar. I tasted one bite, rejected it and watched horrified as he called me a wuss and ate the entire pot of chilli.

At this point I excused myself and went to the supermarket to stock up on anti-poop medication and loo rolls.

Four hours later....he ran to the bathroom

...three days later he emerged.