What is the worst food you ever made?

[NotQuiteCockney]

Mine: banana guacomole. When I was first making guacomole, before I'd learned that you always open the avocadoes first, to be sure they're usable, I'd prepped up everything, got ready to add avos, and they were rock hard.

So I tried subsituting banana. On the basis that bananas are a bit like avocadoes. (They are high cal, and ripen off the vine.)

It was gross.

Mother, not being known for her sense of humour, asked where I got the flour from. I showed her the bag in the cupboard and she laughed hysterically. Actually, I don't think I've ever seen her laugh so much since!

I made a Madhur Jaffrey recipe once that was basically a whole chicken smothered in 14 cloves of garlic and baked in foil. It actually tasted lovely, and then the 4 of us who had eaten it went out to a crowded pub and cleared ourselves a huge space. People were asking me not to talk directly towards their faces 3 days later.

I still love Madhur Jaffrey recipies but now I automatically halve or sometimes quarter the amount of garlic in them.

Ah, see, I love garlic-ridden food, I don't mind smelling of garlic, tbh. I like that soho restaurant that puts garic in everything, even the beer.

Why did she have a bloody great bag of plaster of paris in the kitchen cupboard?

Your nails made you type 'garlic' in place of 'chicken'? (I'm guessing you didn't really serve garlic with 40 cloves of garlic? )

I did a Nigella meal at Christmas - the "trashy" ham in coke with roasted sweet potato chunks and her sweetcorn pudding (sweetcorn set into an eggy omelletty sort of thing). It was OKish. But then I made the leftovers into ham hash cakes - mushed up sweet potatoes, sweetcorn pudding, the rest of the tin of sweetcorn, and some ham. Bugger, they were vile!

It was left over from making models. The fact that plaster moulds were next to the bag didn't register to me that it might not be flour. I was young .

I'd love to try that chicken and 40 cloves of garlic recipe - do you have to peel all those cloves or just bung them in?

a curry that had lots of slivers of glass in it.

That was pretty bad.

Too sharp?

I made Lemon Soup once

Not sure why though

fruittea

Caught on my throat after a while

Ok ... why was his birthday cake a big salty dog biscuit?

Not that I made, but two incidents when eating out........

The first by a civilian chef contracted by the military (would love to know where she was trained) who was supposed to serve Pork goujons (sp?) in honey mustard sauce. She couldn't find the honey and only had a small amount of mustard, so instead mixed single cream with Golden Syrup - pork and custard anyone?

The second was a military chef who when supplying lamb cutlets at a major function (over 200 people) decided to make a mint cream rather than plain mint sauce - came out looking and tasting like Lamb and Colgate!!

My husband once poured gravy all over smoked haddock (!) .......... Because I had done new potatoes and peas he just assumed he should have gravy with it...... and he ate it!!

My Dad once made a chicken casserole for sunday lunch with some stock he found in the freezer... it was fish stock... we've never let him forget it

I once bought a pasta bake sauce and just mixed it in with some dry pasta and cooked it!

I tried to replicate a liver dish we had in a lovely italian restaurant but I didn't have a clue what I was doing and it was a muddy bloody mess!Dp just sat there moving it around the plate.I said never mind we'll have pudding and then presented him with a shop bought yoghurt which was off!!!

lol at fish stock and chicken

I made a gillian mckeith butternut squash bread thing that could have been used as a doorstop

I made it properly as well

Dh made me a fried egg and warned me that there might be a tiny bit of eggshell in it.

F*ckin hell! He must have put the whole bloody shell in the pan. He made two and the one he had was shell free.