Films that make you angry they're so crap

[Muddays]

I'm sorry if this thread has been done lots? But anyway, whilst there are films that are bad and funny for it, there are films that are so bad they make you want to scream. I watched Aquaman the other day and it was jaw grindingly awful. I can't think of a worse recent movie right now but am interested to hear of any that can challenge that monumental pile of guano.

beezlebubnicky I won't hear a word against the Lion King! Love everything about it. Elton only wrote 2 of the songs and he doesn't perform them in the film (to the pp)

@NeverTrustASmilingCat - they're meant to be the same age all the way through, but in real life she was about 14 years younger than Crystal. Before she sleeps with Harry she's post 35 and says (while crying unconvincingly and stomping around) "AND I'M GONNA BE FORTY!". I think she's 35 when she splits from the guy she was seeing who said he didn't want to get married. So maybe she's mid to late thirties. But whether it's her age or her skills, she's utterly unconvincing.

@MaudGone ah ok. I'd thought she was older, in the scene where she and her friends are discussing how well she's doing after the breakup. I still think she's a bit naff in it. Maybe the character is meant to be the way she plays it but I still find it easier to watch her fake orgasm than cry 😁

I've just realised I've never actually watched When Harry Met Sally!

I'm also furious with what they did to Meg, Beth, Amy and LAURIE. Terribly miscast, the Winona Ryder version is untouchable.

The version with June Allyson, Janet Leigh, Elizabeth Taylor and Margaret O'Brien version is my fave.

Haven't RTFT but agree with the Love Actually hatred. I remember seeing it in the cinema with a group of friends when it first came out. I was boiling with rage by the end and expecting everyone to agree with me but they were all cooing about how lovely, heartwarming and cosy it was. For years, I tried to explain why I hated it so much, only be told that I was trying to be "cool and edgy" but claiming not to like something mainstream, or that I was just coldhearted. Then the tide turned - people started recognising the issues and problems but instead of recognising that I'd felt this way all along, friends argued with me of course I had liked it, as had everyone, and now I'm just claiming to have noticed all those issues earlier, in order to seem cooler/more woke than I really am.

So yeah, I really hate that film. Not just for being a steaming pile of shite but for the fact it's made me have to defend myself in different ways for the past 20 years.

See also Sex and the City, which I despised when it first came on TV but was told I probably wasn't mature enough to deal with the themes. No, I just though Carrie was the most vacant, selfish protaganist and hated that everyone wanted to emulate her. Again, I'm now told there's no way I could have thought that at the time.

Grrrrr. Rant over.

Songs FromThe Second Floor . A load of pretentious nonsense.

Everything Everywhere All At Once. The only film I've ever walked out of. I found it impossible to follow (although I suspect that was kind of the point) and was therefore bored, despite the energetic acting, and mystified. Not my thing at all.

Actually, rant not over. I'm now reading the rest of the thread which has reminded me how much I hate The Greatest Showman despite, again, everyone I know telling me I'm wrong. It's an absolute pile of tripe. Same with Grease - hated it when I first saw it as a child (even at a very young age hated that Sandy had to change her look and start smoking to be cool enough to date Danny) and still can't stand it.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is in a league of it's own though when it comes to being offensive. Not least because my FiL talks about it constantly as if it is some incredible masterpiece. He also seems to beelive it is a true story and is often seen banging his fist on the table in anguish wailing "how could those parents be so irresponsible?"

And the last Matrix film. I was beyond excited for this and disappointed to the point of being angry when I saw it on the first day of release. Someone I know said that it's as if the Wachowskis felt that now they have transistioned, they needed to make a romantic rather than kick-ass action film because that's what is expected of female filmmakers. I wanted to disagree with this at the time but the more I've considered it, the more I feel my friend has a point.

Yeah, I was expecting to love The Greatest Showman. It was just a boiling mess. No desire to watch it again.

While I wasn't expecting much of Halloween Kills, the bit where Jamie Lee Curtis a) turns in her side & curls her knees up and b) runs around the hospital like Sir Mo Farah after major abdominal injuries and surgery was a step too far, even for me.

We liked Glass Onion. It was a 'switch your brain off, tongue in cheek' film for us. Not a masterpiece, but fun. One of the lines should be the Mumsnet strap line:

It’s a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought as speaking the truth

Yeah, the Matrix. Watched it for the first time about a year ago. What a load of crap. No idea where the love for it comes from. By all accounts Keanu is a nice fella but he's got no screen presence to speak of. When I think about all those young guys sweeping around in floor length leather jackets in homage when it came out, I'm embarrassed for them. Easily impressed.

Loved the Matrix films but the new one was a monstrosity.

Xanadu

What was Olivia Newton John thinking to get involved in it? She was far too good for that heap of crap!

The producers must have been smoking something. In theory, it should have been a winner, especially with the legendary Gene Kelly, and songs by ELO and John Farrar, but the film itself was just dire. The accompanying album of songs was, quite rightly, a big hit! The main "leading man" couldn't sing and couldn't dance, which is a bit of an own goal for a musical! The best scenes were consigned to the cutting room floor and weren't included, including the scene for the No 1 hit single "magic".

I suspect the producers just "assumed" any old crap fronted by top stars, ONJ and Gene Kelly was bound to be a hit movie!

Did anyone see the animated children's film in the cinema a couple of years ago where one character was just a pair of legs? Completely ridiculous and ending made my DD angry as it was so unsatisfying.
The name was completely forgettable too - something like 'Away'.

And Early Man which was a rare stinker from Aardman

It was actually called Onward - just looked on Rotten Tomatoes and really good ratings!

Oh yeh I know that movie. I can’t believe the boy didn’t get a hug

It was extraordinarily bad. And doubly so by their standards.

I don’t know why they even bothered to remake it since we have two amazing versions already. Suchet (who to me is Poirot) and Peter Ustinov.

I also LOVE the Ustinov 1982 Evil under the sun with Maggie Smith and Diana Rigg! Such good fun. I could just watch Poirot all day and be happy.

I also enjoyed the first two Keaton Batman films (Michelle Pfiffer as Catwoman is divine) but I HATE all the others. Especially Christian Bale with his stupid voice. And everything is so dark I can’t see what’s going on!

@MarshaBradyo I know right?! My daughter was fuming and I was upset (I lost my dad when I was very young), such a crap ending after all that 'adventure'!!!

@ClaireEclair - I love the Peter Ustinov version too.

Fabulous clothes, accents like cut glass.

I didn't bother with Ken B'a version. How could he do better than Peter Ustinov, Maggie Smith, Bette Davies, David Niven, Angela Langsbury?

The scripts are perfect - "you'll have to forgive Miss Bowers Mister Poirot, she's unfamiliar with the married state".

So cutting

Same, there's a time and place for the Ustinov movies (and the Orient Express with Lauren Bacall was tremendous) but David Suchet is Poirot forever and I will die on this hill.

Also Colin Firth as Darcy and Alan Rickman/Greg Wise/Kate Winslet as the Brandon/Willoughby/Marianne triangle. Emma Thompson, though brilliant in so many (Oscar-winning) ways, was too old/kind for Elinor

Over 40 years between but Apocalypse Now - utter utter shite, and last week The Banshees of Inisherin - what the hell was the point of that? Only good thing about it was it was on sky and I hadn't bought tickets. Saw Apocalypse in South Africa when we lived there and it's still the only film we have walked out of.

Birdman was execrable bilge. Walked out in bemused rage after 30 mins.

Anchorman was overhyped shite, but I had the luxury of being able to switch it off as I watched it at home. I find Will Ferrell fairly punchable in general so it was probably never going to work out. Oddly I am fond of Talladega Nights though.

Avatar was so dull I had to leave for a fag two hours in, even though I was at the IMAX with all the 3-D bells and whistles. A few leaves curling towards my face did not make up for the piss poor storyline unfortunately!

Agree about Love Actually.

Mrs Brown's Boys D'Movie- never saw it, but the fact that it ever got made along with the disgrace of the tv series. Took up a cinema screen that could have been for something enjoyable.