Disown by mum friends who I have known for 20 years due to my gender critical view.

[rouxelitee]

I am a bit sad today because I have been disowned by my group of friends who are mothers. I have known them since college. All of us have children, mine is a toddler.

One of them is a paediatrician. Let's call her JY. She supports the trans-movement for children. Recently she has shared an article with the whatsapp chat group on sexual and relationship saying that this should be how children are parented. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/sex-relationships/
I didn't agree with the gender and identity section and I called it out. I said that affirming children in this matter will make things worst. The conversation escalated and she basically cautioned me that this is hate speech and if a doctor have the same view as I do, their license will be taken.

Fast forward to today, my partner and I are have been researching on local schools and their policies on the same matter, preparing ourselves for when our child is of school age. We found out that this school in Leicester has the following policy.

7.3 In accordance with the Equality Act 2010 we will not inform a parent or carer about a student being Trans or gender questioning.
7.4 Confidential information will not be shared with the parents and carers without a student’s permission, unless there are safeguarding reasons for doing so.
_
https://www.newcollege.leicester.sch.uk/force_download.cfm?id=3190

I felt that this is such a massive red flag, that I need to warn all my friends to look into their school policies.

JY then said "Much as I value our friendship, I do not have headspace to engage in these issues. I'll bow out of this group." A few others followed and quit the chat group.

They will possibly not talk to me ever again. I am very sad and I feel very alone in this matter, and that my partner and I and alone in this battle alone trying to protect our child from the state, the school and dangerous ideology.

I guess I just want to not feel like a crazy person shouting on top of my lungs "please look into this, this is bad".

Thanks,
roux

I’m in the same situation.

And OP, while I agree with your views, I would probably back away slowly if I were in the group too, because I just can’t be dealing with getting involved in arguments with groups of mum friends. They seem to be never ending when children are young and this one is particularly divisive. Also, I don’t think you can change peoples mind’s on this one very easily, they have to come to the realisation themselves. The social conditioning is strong on this one.

My children were all registered for multiple colleges at 6 months old, pretty normal?

I find it hard to a have too much respect for doctors who appear to misunderstand their fundamental obligations.

Excellent post 👏👏

I don’t like the idea of doctors trying to use their ‘position’ to indoctrinate.

We all have a right to our views.

But OP didn't accept the friend's right to her views. She continued to force a conversation that the friend had already said she didn't want to have.

These aren't real friends. It also smacks of the classic school-ground type, mean girl ostracism flex.

What do real friends do then? Continue to put up with their proseletysing friend ignoring their boundaries?

Thats not how I read it at all.
The doctor stated ‘this is how all kids should be brought up’ when posting a link on their WhatsApp.

OP disagreed.

The doctor called OPs opinions hate speech.

The rest of the post is about OP choosing a school and looking at their policies.

I don’t see much in the way of OP forcing her views or ‘calling out’ the views of others…..unlike the doctor….who did !

https://www.cps.gov.uk/crime-info/hate-crime

It really depends on what exactly the op said relating to people who identify at transgender. Which we don't actually know from OPs updates only that it escalated and got very heated.

So it could well have boardered onto hate speech as listed on Crown prosecution website.

I can recognise the need for the Cass report while also being unwilling to engage with certain rhetoric aimed at transgender people ... why can't the doctor?

It's hard. I've had to stop being friends with someone who is ten years younger as they are so twaw that it's like they suddenly think the earth is flat, it's hard to move past.
However, another friend has a more moderate view but still not GC and we've had mega discussions on it. However, we know each other well enough and respect each other enough to know that we are both coming from a good place, an intelligent place too, so we are OK. We just change the subject after a bit and move on, knowing neither of us will convince the other to change very much.

Real friends accept and respect different views. It is typical of those with pro trans views to want to silence others, I remember no one was even able to say the words or question the damage of the trans agenda a mere few years ago. It sounds like she has signed up to that, swallowed the whole narrative hook, line and sinker. It doesn’t say very much about her critical thinking skills.

In your place I would struggle to have respect for her after this, and wouldn’t want to be friends with someone that couldn’t even bear to tolerate another view. Too rigid, controlling and almost coercive. Not qualities I would want to see in a medic or a friend.

not in the state school system

and… the trans policy in 2023 is unlikely to be unchanged by 2034, 11 years later when the OP’s child will br going to school

Real friends accept and respect different views

Indeed.

The OP didn’t respect her friend’s wish not to discuss the issue on messaging

But it was okay for her friend to post links by messaging supporting the trans movement. That was acceptable was it? That’s called double standards where I live.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who accused me of hate speech over this issue - she sounds like a pompous twat. Even scarier that she’s a paediatrician.
It’s fine for friends to have different views but then to accuse you in such a way would be a line crossed and I’d know they weren’t really friends.
Move on and stick with your real friends.

did you bother to open the link? nope

It is an NCPCC link about so much more than the trans issue! in fact that is just one small section of it.

Being accused of hate speech would be a dealbreaker for me too. It’s a massive overreaction on her part, and intended to silence and embarrass you for your pretty standard and reasonable views on the subject, I would expect an apology.

that link the friend posted is about how to support your child coming out, in sexual relationships, understanding what is a healthy relationship etc and 1 of the sections is about gender identity and how to support your child.

So the friend was posting an NCPCC link a MUCH broader issue that just trans

the op of course plucked that out and began debating it on the group

The conversation escalated and she basically cautioned me that this is hate speech

you have told us what you said before the conversation “escalated”

what did you say during the escalation of the conversation when she cautioned you about hate speech?

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone "gender critical" either. Same as I wouldn't want to be friends with someone homophobic or racist.

One day you’ll look back on this and wonder what on earth possessed you to go along with it. Meanwhile, those of us who believe in women and girl’s rights and worry desperately about those misled into permanently life altering medicalisation will continue to have compassion, while being, not surprisingly, NOT racist or homophobic.

Also - little point you might think back on when the time comes, quite a few of the children being swept along blithely by ‘kind’ adults will likely turn out to actually be lesbian or gay. And perhaps just feeling a little awkward about life and could go grow up to be happy and healthy lesbian or gay adults. As long as they don’t get misled into thinking there’s something wrong with them and make permanently life altering decisions of course. Homophobic, did you say?

There are some topics best avoided if you know you don’t agree, like politics and religion. It never ends well and advising your friends to check their kids’ school policy for their views was patronising and assumed they need to be told what to do by you.

for those saying schools have their own agenda:
This is a draft of upcoming guidance which all schools will follow https://consult.education.gov.uk/equalities-political-impartiality-anti-bullying-team/gender-questioning-children-proposed-guidance/supporting_documents/Gender%20Questioning%20Children%20%20nonstatutory%20guidance.pdf#page9

As with anything where people have strong opinions (eg politics, religion etc) you have to decide whether you want to push your opinion so hard you might lose friends or whether you just avoid those subjects with friends that might have differing views. There's no right decision here. Some will say that they feel so strongly about a subject that they are willing to risk the friendship (as was seen with Brexit and Covid vaccines etc) and others will say they value friendship more so are prepared to bite their tongues. You can't have this both ways.

Everyone is entitled to their views and I don’t judge them for being GC or being totally pro trans. Certain issues cause this kind of rift due to heightened emotions: brexit, vaccines, Gaza, trans stuff etc. If you express strong views on them, you will lose friends.

Why on earth are you worrying about this so much when your child isn’t even at school age? You have blown it massively out of proportion. I have worked in many schools and it has never even come up. Teachers don’t have the time to take much interest in PSHE. They follow government guidelines and try to avoid controversial issues like the plague as they don’t want the hassle of dealing with parent emails.

40% of pupils failed to get a 4 in their maths gcse last year. Statistically this is far more likely to affect your child. This is the kind of thing I wish people were interested in.

What is the school obligation to implement a non statutory guide? Thanks for sharing this.