Disown by mum friends who I have known for 20 years due to my gender critical view.

[rouxelitee]

I am a bit sad today because I have been disowned by my group of friends who are mothers. I have known them since college. All of us have children, mine is a toddler.

One of them is a paediatrician. Let's call her JY. She supports the trans-movement for children. Recently she has shared an article with the whatsapp chat group on sexual and relationship saying that this should be how children are parented. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/sex-relationships/
I didn't agree with the gender and identity section and I called it out. I said that affirming children in this matter will make things worst. The conversation escalated and she basically cautioned me that this is hate speech and if a doctor have the same view as I do, their license will be taken.

Fast forward to today, my partner and I are have been researching on local schools and their policies on the same matter, preparing ourselves for when our child is of school age. We found out that this school in Leicester has the following policy.

7.3 In accordance with the Equality Act 2010 we will not inform a parent or carer about a student being Trans or gender questioning.
7.4 Confidential information will not be shared with the parents and carers without a student’s permission, unless there are safeguarding reasons for doing so.
_
https://www.newcollege.leicester.sch.uk/force_download.cfm?id=3190

I felt that this is such a massive red flag, that I need to warn all my friends to look into their school policies.

JY then said "Much as I value our friendship, I do not have headspace to engage in these issues. I'll bow out of this group." A few others followed and quit the chat group.

They will possibly not talk to me ever again. I am very sad and I feel very alone in this matter, and that my partner and I and alone in this battle alone trying to protect our child from the state, the school and dangerous ideology.

I guess I just want to not feel like a crazy person shouting on top of my lungs "please look into this, this is bad".

Thanks,
roux

read the follow up posts of the op where she confirms researching for her toddler

Ahh I missed it!

Fast forward to today, my partner and I are have been researching on local schools and their policies on the same matter, preparing ourselves for when our child is of school age.

Sorry, My bad

so my view is

researching the views of a school for your toddler child… that said child won’t be attending for another decade is daft OR the Op was looking for fodder to specifically kickstart debate on the issue with this group knowing full well the likely reaction

I feel for you op. It shouldn’t be ‘contentious’ or ‘sensitive’ or ‘debatable’… human beings cannot change sex and that is the ultimate truth.

I think people get touchy and aggressive out of fear. Unfortunately due to a very successful Stonewall campaign there is a bandwagon in motion that seems to have spread a ridiculous new McCarthy era for speaking the plain truth. Unfortunately those ‘friends’ would rather you be burnt at the stake than have courage to stand up and say what we all know deep down.

Don’t worry op. They have shown themselves to be cowards and people without integrity. No loss. This whole bullshit will blow over eventually and you’ll at least have your self respect.

worst. The conversation escalated and she basically cautioned me that this is hate speech and if a doctor have the same view as I do, their license will be taken.

so the OP knew exactly what she was playing at when she posted the link for the school

I agree with your views, OP, but you knew this was not going to end well, after the initial comments.
So why did you post the college link?

I guess I just want to not feel like a crazy person shouting on top of my lungs "please look into this, this is bad".

The thing is, by unnecessarily bringing it up again in a group where you already knew they didn't want to hear it, you kind of are that person. Leave it. There is no reason you need to correct or inform them on this topic.

Save it for Mumsnet where you will get lots of validation.

op not coming back

OK fine. So what though? Commonly or not, it mattered to OP obviously. Her choice to google local schools’ policies.
OP hasn’t done anything wrong except to be quite outing about the location.. so I would not be surprised if OP doesn’t come back. But I don’t think wanting to see what’s going on locally or wanting to talk to other parents about it, is unusual.

she knew exactly what she was doing when she posted the link on the group chat under the guise of researching the trans polices of secondary school for her toddler son

i doubt it’s outing in the slightest

i doubt t this school is even local to the op

I agree. Also I suspect the op went down a school policy internet rabbit hole, as you do. I've been surprised how unsympathetic some posters have been here. Most friends put up with another friend mentioning they're concerned about something without leaving a WhatsApp group over it.

it has already caused issues between the op and this group

the op was fanning the flames

Sometimes people test the waters to sense check
' am I going insane here; am I the only one of my friend group who thinks this is all nuts and am happy to say so'. I think that's absolutely fair enough.

Doctor friend is probably terrified she'll be cancelled and lose her job if any screenshots of her involvement in such a chat were shared. I can understand that even though I don't agree with her stance.

JY then said "Much as I value our friendship, I do not have headspace to engage in these issues. I'll bow out of this group."

That is a very sensible and mature response on her part.

Your friends know what you think. But they don't want to hear you banging on about it. Some might even agree with you in part, but it's so tedious when someone's determined to bring up something contentious and appears to be proselytising, when they already know that say least one person holds the opposite point of view.

You knew what you were doing, but you weren't ahead, and in the process, lost your audience.

They've left the conversation, but that doesn't need to mean the end of the friendship. But you just need to stay away from subjects that bore and/irritate people.

Yup, same. I'm not losing friends over it, I'll just privately think they're wildly misguided. 20+ years of friendship isn't worth losing over some very silly people.

Oh op, you sound very upset and rightly so, you are allowed to express your views.

I suspect JY is always going on about her wokery and you were on some level getting annoyed.

I wouldn’t have the headspace to deal with grown women that can not facilitate alternative views to their own. I would sit back and let them come to you, and if they are willing to throw away two decades of friendship over a simple difference of opinion, then they were never real friends in the first place.

the friend simply posted a general NSPCC link about safer relationships

the op plucked out the trans issue and all the medic friend said was that she couldn’t engage on the issue

the op then brought it up again

this is on the op and no one else

no where has the friend said what she thinks aside from she doesn’t want to engage in the debate because of her profession

and the op blatantly ignored this
and went back for more

Incorrect. Op states JY openly supports the trans movement and shares articles.

incorrect

she shares ONE article about safety from the NSPCC

Much as I value our friendship, I do not have headspace to engage in these issues. I'll bow out of this group.

and from that the op says she thinks they will never speak to her again and will disown her

🤔

The conversation escalated and she basically cautioned me that this is hate speech and if a doctor have the same view as I do, their license will be taken.

well,she’s wrong. Both in the light of the Equality Act and various legal cases such as Forstater.

Nut that isn’t much reassurance when you’re faced with losing old friends. It’s tough and lonely @rouxelitee and you’re being very brave.

There are quite a few organisations where there is support and friendship. Drop into FWR section of MN as well for moral support. And brava to you

Hate speech? How is that hate speech? She sounds like an idiot.