Disown by mum friends who I have known for 20 years due to my gender critical view.

[rouxelitee]

I am a bit sad today because I have been disowned by my group of friends who are mothers. I have known them since college. All of us have children, mine is a toddler.

One of them is a paediatrician. Let's call her JY. She supports the trans-movement for children. Recently she has shared an article with the whatsapp chat group on sexual and relationship saying that this should be how children are parented. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/sex-relationships/
I didn't agree with the gender and identity section and I called it out. I said that affirming children in this matter will make things worst. The conversation escalated and she basically cautioned me that this is hate speech and if a doctor have the same view as I do, their license will be taken.

Fast forward to today, my partner and I are have been researching on local schools and their policies on the same matter, preparing ourselves for when our child is of school age. We found out that this school in Leicester has the following policy.

7.3 In accordance with the Equality Act 2010 we will not inform a parent or carer about a student being Trans or gender questioning.
7.4 Confidential information will not be shared with the parents and carers without a student’s permission, unless there are safeguarding reasons for doing so.
_
https://www.newcollege.leicester.sch.uk/force_download.cfm?id=3190

I felt that this is such a massive red flag, that I need to warn all my friends to look into their school policies.

JY then said "Much as I value our friendship, I do not have headspace to engage in these issues. I'll bow out of this group." A few others followed and quit the chat group.

They will possibly not talk to me ever again. I am very sad and I feel very alone in this matter, and that my partner and I and alone in this battle alone trying to protect our child from the state, the school and dangerous ideology.

I guess I just want to not feel like a crazy person shouting on top of my lungs "please look into this, this is bad".

Thanks,
roux

Nothing to add but isn’t it interesting how the pejorative phrase is drama queen, but never drama king…

If I was on a chat and someone raised something contentious and I made it clear I didn't want to discuss it on the chat and then they raised it again I'd think they were rude and disrespectful and would be disinclined to engage with them, end of story.

especially if the person had made it clear they felt such discussions put their job at risk

How is it brave? Unmannerly more like - if someone has made it clear they don't want to discuss a topic to someone who has been a 'close friend' for 20 years, then you should respect their wishes, end of story. Maybe that friend's child has announced they're trans, maybe she thinks she is - who knows?

Make some new friends and let them be Terfs!

Terfs are much more interesting, yiu can have vigorous discussions & honest debates & lots of fun!

No 1: The Equality Act 2010 is the actual law and despite what others may say, it allows for single sex spaces for women with exemptions from allowing men who identify as women into.those spaces.

No 2: The Cass Report said that social transitioning of children is not a neutral act and guidance from the Department for Education etc says schools shouldn't socially transition children without talking to their parents.

No 3: If you tell children that they are born in the wrong body, they will believe you because they are children.

No 4: Transgender Trend campaign on this issue and have a lot of resources available here: https://www.transgendertrend.com/

No 5: For everyone saying keep your head down, keep quiet and don't rock the boat, remember that the only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good people to say nothing. Permanently mutilating children's bodies with drugs and surgery is evil. We don't let them drink, we don't let them vote, we don't let them drive, we don't let them have tattoos until they are old enough to take responsibility for their actions. That's why we should not let them make irrevocable decisions about their bodies before they have matured.

Thank you all for your reply. It is a local school and my partner and I feel the need to do our due diligence with schools, so that we know where are the ones with proper safeguardings, honest with parents. We want to research early so that we are not caught out of surprised. I didn't reply early because I also have a life and a toddler to care for.

Thank you for the suggestion on school near by for one of the member. Its reassuring to know good schools still exist. And everyone who assure me that I am not insane.

I will also check out all the resources suggested. I feel that it is very hard to navigate this as a parent these days. If anyone have further resources to help parents on this topic, on how to navigate schools, or parenting, please kindly share. I truly appreciate it.

I have check the safe school alliance website and found out that the school policy is incorrect on quoting equality act as a reason to withhold information as such from parents. I am glad I read the policy and I flag it out to my friends. Imo regardless of your view on transitionging children, hiding any important information as such is an ill inform policy. We must know our rights as parents.

Thank you for giving me courage.

This is not okay. Definitely not okay.
You seem very invested in this thread..

Thank you very much for this. We are happy to move to an area close to a good school - just need to save money! A very long term planning and it definitely something I am willing to do for my child. We are also considering Market Harborough but i haven't checked out the schools yet

🙄

It is a thread
i’m posting on it

what “isn’t ok”

did you click on the link the friend posted from the NSPCC? its wasn’t specifically about the trans issue at all. much broader

I also think you've been disrespectful and goady with how you've gone about this op. You knew their stance and that one of your friends career is affected by this and they've been clear with you that they find your views offensive and harmful and you still proceeded to reignite that conversation instead of respectfully agreeing to disagree.

"my partner and I and alone in this battle alone trying to protect our child from the state, the school and dangerous ideology."
This is ridiculous. Who else would you expect to be making decisions in the best interest of your child except you and your partner. It's your job as parents to make these decisions as you see fit, just as every other parent has the right to make the decisions for their child that they see fit. People can do their own research and come to different conclusions and agree to disagree it doesn't mean you're in battle. While I understand this is a highly emotive and contentious issue, it's like people on both sides of the debate have lost the ability to accept differing views and still maintain friendships. It's ludicrous.

Maybe they have 'disowned' you because of the way you are acting?

You know quite well that this is a difficult issue. You should not have engaged in discussion about it on a WhatsApp group chat. You are paying the price for this now, in terms of the friendships.

You are the strongest influence on your own child. Use your influence on your child. Not on a bloody WhatsApp chat.

The way op is acting is to raise concerns about schools which are failing to follow government guidelines on children who are gender questioning. She is trying to help her friends see the danger of blindly thinking that the people in charge of our children's education are doing the right thing. The Cass report raised concerns about all aspects of the way gender questioning children are currently cared for. Social transition is not a neutral act. She has warned them and some of them didn't want to listen. That's the price you sometimes pay if you're going to speak up. It is clear her speaking up comes from a position of concern for her friends and their children. I hope I would listen if a friend raised a concern like this.

Why would a Dr loose their job? Isn’t that what the Cass review covered. Policies seem to be changing and seem to be directly the opposite of that schools website.

It is ridiculous that the op's paediatrician friend said being gender critical was hate speech. It's a protected belief under the Equality Act. It is highly likely that since the Cass Review this paediatrician is realising that her job is damaging children not helping them but she can't admit it so she leaves the group because she doesn't have the 'headspace'.

I’d just ignore these strange aggressive responses. OP, research away. Youve been given some good links to follow up. You’ve done nothing wrong. Obviously it’s fine to say so to your friends when you’re worried about something important. Some will bow out at that stage, whatever the issues you are raising are, but that’s up to them.
Can’t convince everyone, but raising it often shows up clearly who the homophobic and sexist gender stereotypers are.

You have very different values to them and they have decided that they'd rather invest in friendships with people who either share their moral framework or at least don't feel the need to repeatedly express their position so disrespectfully.

FWIW, I wouldn't have anything to do with you either.

If anyone have further resources to help parents on this topic, on how to navigate schools, or parenting, please kindly share. I truly appreciate it

OP you could try the feminism: sex and gender board for that- or report your thread to ask to get this whole thread moved over to there

I find it really odd that some people here think that it's appropriate and 'helpful' to keep going on to their friends and acquaintances about this subject, even when it's established that they're on different pages.

It really doesn't work. No-one wants conversations being brought round to one friend's particular pet cause/concern, and if it happens they feel even more negative about said cause. And it doesn't matter what it is. It could be their new MLM, their new faith, trans issues, whatever.
It's basic psychology. The first time they roll their eyes inwardly. The second or third time, and they're going to tell you they don't want to talk about it any more..

Op I second this. I believe the sex and gender board was created because GC views get a lot of hate on this board. This board is more trans inclusive feminism and GC feminism gets derailed and shut down with responses.

I'm from Leicester and New College was known as a rough school back in the day and probably still is, so I wouldn't send them for that reason alone.

First, the school policies mentioned don’t say anything about socially transitioning or encouraging the transition of children in its care. It is merely saying that, if your child confides in them about their gender identity, they will keep it confidential. And if your child feels safer talking to their teacher about their feelings versus their parent, then I think there’s a bigger issue at hand there.

Second, your friend has already told you how they felt about the topic and that they didn’t want to engage with you on it, yet you brought it back up. I’m sorry, but I would have found that incredibly frustrating and left the group too.

Give them a bit of space and then speak to your friend in private. I’m sure you’ll be able to rescue your friendship if it’s otherwise very positive for all involved. Good luck

Because it is originally aimed at/referring to gay men. Its homophobic as well as misogynistic.