Free Pass to be useless

[User198724]

This is going to sound very pessimistic but has anyone else just had enough of men being socially condoned to be useless?

Im so sick of men putting in limited effort with the kids and being hailed a wonderful dad, not “noticing” when the housework needs to be done and “just not thinking about” kids activities, school events, doctors appointments etc.

Why is it socially condoned that they don’t need to make decisions about the household or even make their own doctors appointments.

it is absolutely bullshit that women have to carry the brunt of every burden and still not be recognised like a man would be.

thanks for the rant!

@Laidbackguy It's hivethink here, that the "class known as Men" has a very adverse opinion of the "class known as Women". Its an entrenched and integral belief for them - but it's not harming anybody so hey-ho.

This is the difference between female and male lives. You see running a home and childcare as a choice. That women are choosing to clean, cook, wash clothes, wash dishes, care for children rather than that being part of having a home and being an adult.

It's something you believe is optional because there's obviously always been someone to take care of things if you choose not to.

When you out earn a man (or outdo him in any way which reduces his status in the eyes of others) he feels humiliated. He blames you for that and so he has to punish you. He punishes you by making sure you do all the domestic menial tasks.

A huge amount of what you’ve written off as ‘choice’ Laidbackguy, is basic parenting.

If you want your children to develop their talents, learn basic skills and manage their emotions, you need to support them with it. Children don’t grow into emotionally competent adults without significant input from parents. Where that’s truly inadequate we call it neglect. There’s a middle ground which is ‘just good enough’. For kids to do really well takes work.

Mine had significant disadvantages, but are now doing really well. That wouldn’t have happened without work beyond what you’re considering.

But that’s fine.
You carry on thinking men choose to be lazy arseholes, if that makes you feel better.

@BlackShuck3 I've never heard that before but it really resonates with me, particularly the bit about him wanting ME to physically do the housework myself despite my employment and earning well, and him wilfully resisting us getting a cleaner.

Is what you have posted based on some sort of research? I'm asking as I'm interested in reading more about this scenario.

It's just my take on things based on what I've seen & learned about.
It may not be fully conscious on his part.
IMO it's to do with feeling that being male means he outranks you and should be the one who has control over you.
These kinds of things tend to be default behaviours of those with dominant personalities, women can also have dominant personalities but it's harder for them to get in control of things (not saying it cant be done!).

Egad. Isn't it time to stop feeding MN's very own Erin Brockovich of downtrodden penises all this attention?

Yes, they tend to be very tit for tat about it. What is most disturbing is how they think the mere fact that they contribute financially to their children is so laudable that it earns them a domestic slave. This attitude persists no matter how many hours women work.

These types of men have been socialised to see women as less than.

100%

We seem to be rid of the other one who was posting in feminist threads a lot, at least for now. So there's hope. They do get bored with the game, but won't if they're still getting a lot of attention.
Maybe we need to talk about something "girly" in every thread he barges into to dissuade him. It's the ultimate male troll pesticide. Then we can pick the original subject back up after they leave.

So, to that end; any new summer wardrobe picks, ladies?

Lols if only that would work! I'm sporting whatever men find least attractive this summer!

😄
Thumbs up for sensible shoes.
I wear mostly workout clothes and runners and fuck anybody who doesn't approve. Comfort comes first. I think sometimes it helps to keep the creeps at bay if you look athletic and like you can protect yourself. They're less likely to try you on. When I was young I noticed I got less of the creepy attention while out and about after I had developed visible muscles. Wearing good shoes makes it possible to run away as well. IMO, heels are a trap to hobble women and make us more vulnerable.

Fucked if I know. I got hit on recently by a man 20 years my junior while wearing jeans and a long-sleeve and sensible shoes. Weird granny fetish if you ask me.

It's not my winning personality, I know that much.

Ummmm make-up and periods. Tra-la-la.

Lols for @MrsTerryPratchett and @XChrome!

I applaud your development of visible muscles XChrome. I'm too old for that I fear! I find men often take personal offence at women who don't dress for them or look the way men think they should - ugly bitch, big girl, etc. Thankfully I'm largely invisible now as I am well into middle age.

I like to call it Freedom Fifty Five. That's about the age you cease to exist to the pervs, except for the MILF and GILF fetishists.

Hear hear. I'm sick of it.

Hear hear. I'm sick of it.

That's free speech for you. I'm sure there are great quote on line to say this, but I can't be arsed to look - its free speech where the voices you don't want to hear are still permitted. You are not required to like them, merely tolerate them. If you have a thread about men, then you can expect occasionally some men will post on that thread. If those posts break MN's rules, then MN can delete them.

Free speech can be tiresome.

Free speech can be tiresome.

They freely admit to coming here to wind women up. Tantrumming toddlers are exercising their free speech but we don't give them the toy.

MN guidelines prohibit trolling - if such posts are reported to MN, they may take an equally dim view of such.

@sawdustformypony yeh, you... sorry, 'they' all say that. But they're all very careful to stay just below the threshold for having comments moderated or themselves removed. It's a fetish and a game to them to come here to wind women up.

What I did to solve this problem in the early 2000s was created a private, by invitation only feminist discussion group. I had been hosting a public group, but it was infested with mansplaining men and other male trolls.
The private group was great fun while it lasted. Unfortunately, some of the women got to feuding with each other and ruined the convivial atmosphere. If it had been a larger group it probably wouldn't have mattered so much, but we were only about a dozen. So with several of them not talking to each other, the atmosphere was tense and naturally there were far fewer posts. While it ultimately failed, I still have fond memories. I'm not sure how you could screen out the kind of petty people who ruin things for everyone else.