Married Ms!

[Hellodarknessmyfriend]

I feel like I'm literally the only one!
Anybody else out there? ❤️

Dr Maidenname. My first husband's family tried to tell me I was Mrs Hisname. My reaction to that meant that they barely spoke to me for the 17 years I was married to him. Not much of a loss tbh.

This is amazing! Great way of dealing with it. 😂

Yes me, and kept my surname.
My mum did the same.

Doesn't make any difference at all in daily life as far as I can see.

It's not 'amazing' how often people get to choose what name they would like. We wanted to share the surname with our children and not faff about with double barrels, and my husband offered for me to choose first whether we took his name or mine. I chose his because I preferred it and my maiden name was always a bit of a mouthful. I like 'Mrs' too - again my choice. It's nice to have one, isn't it.

<slow clap>

Also, rude.

I do find it “amazing” that 99.9% of the time the man’s name is preferred, it’s nicer, or flows better, or is easier to spell, or doesn’t have the same memories attached, or whatever.

i often wonder about these men and if they have sisters. When they get married is their husbands name nicer? How far does it go, is there a man out there with an utterly amazing name, but then what about his sister?

if it were a genuine free choice we would not still be seeing the majority of women changing their names.

I think these titles are all dying out anyway. When I started work memos and minutes all used title surname, no first name. Even then it seemed old fashioned. Now titles are nowhere to be seen on emails and minutes nor are they needed. I honestly couldn't care less.

I still wonder on some official documentation why it's required and why I need to tell them I'm divorced. I never changed my name or title. But for those who did it presumably can make tracking NI contributions, tax etc a bit tricky over a working life.

But I have a sister and a friend saddled with their ex husband's surname much to their chagrin. Neither had significant careers so it didn't matter for that but it certainly mattered after their divorce but they felt it too late to turn it back.

Embarrassed to admit I don’t know what they all do for a living but lots are farmers.
Some have degrees.
I know a younger cousin is a pharmacist and another a physiotherapist.
Some work in offices, finance, solicitors, admin
But mostly farming
Tipperary, Kilkenny, Westmeath and Cork ( not Cork city ). I’m related to practically everyone in our area of Westmeath and Tipperary and not a Ms in site.
Think the class and level of professionalism is probably it. All parents are / were poor working class.

So if your maiden name was Titbollocks, would you keep it?

Me. I've been Ms since I first completed a form as an adult (to get a student bank account in 1995) and I didn't change my name when I got married.... because it's my name.
My family couldn't understand it and then when we had kids I was told there'd be terrible issues. We also lived abroad and I was warned that the authorities might suspect me of child abduction..... but of course none of this came to pass. (In fact if border control investigations are based upon matching name=ok, then that is a serious risk/problem.)

My daughters are now teenagers and I think I'm setting a great example to them. In fact in school, when a female teacher appears after a holiday with a new name after being wed they respond with bafflement.

(edited to correct a typo)

if it was I would have changed my name to my mums birth surname as soon as I was able. I wouldn’t wait until I got married to ditch the name.

The question is would a man keep it?

clearly, as the name still exists so there are many women out there who have taken titbollocks as a name, and given their kids that name.

if my name was that bad I’d be wondering why my dad hadn’t taken my mums name, and why he’s thought fit to saddle me with the name.

DW is a married (for 18 years) Ms. and retained her surname (keeping her family name alive).

Not an issue for me.

I do, unfortunately, have some family who still (despite being corrected) erroneously address cards to Mr & Mrs MyName rather than Mr MyName & Ms HerName.

I’m a married Ms, rarely use any prefix but will always give Ms. I don’t like Mrs.

Was a missed opportunity. Your personal decision reinforces to others that this is “what women do” and maintaining the inequality.

Your husband could have inspired countless other men to broaden their mindsets around name changes on marriage. It’s a shame men don’t think they have a choice, isn’t it? And they don’t get any choice around title. What if he’d really wanted to identify as your husband for the rest of his life to all he meets?

You could have both changed to a new surname.

But no. You picked the least feminist option.

To me Ms is right up there in it's attention seeking annoyingness with Mx and all the crazy pronoun nonsense. I had a primary school teacher as a child who was Ms and she was horrible, all the kids were scared of her and if you accidently called her Miss (at 8 years old) she went mad. I kept my own surname but I just find Ms irritating..

Thanks. Especially for acknowledging that it is my personal decision.😊

The University of Cambridge have an interesting piece of research on how the titles of Miss, Ms, Mrs and Mr and also no titles at all have come about and evolved over time.
Mrs, for example, was historically not about being married.
The titles historically related to class.

The research is called Mistress, Miss, Mrs or Ms : untangling the shifting history of titles.

Have been a Ms for 40 years, since I started work, and continued to be a Ms when I got married (and didn't change my name) 26 years ago.

Dh and I did briefly consider double-barrelling our names but decided against it as it would sound like a disease (mine an awkward foreign name, dh an unusual UK/Irish name that is also an action word in English).

My only regret is not giving ds my surname (even as a middle name) but I didn't want to transfer to him the hassle of always having to spell the name and people still getting it wrong

Gosh, really?

Did you have any male primary teachers you didn't like and therefore you hate all "Misters"?

Or are you, perhaps, being a tad sexist?

How on earth is Ms attention seeking?

Thankfully we are not all clones of your teacher. I have never gone mad when anyone has called me Mrs, the majority of female teachers in DC’s school went by Ms without any fuss or comment from the kids and without notable episodes of going mad.

Fair enough, your choice to find Ms irritating.

I find the Miss / Mrs concept irritating (and sexist since no equivalent exists for men). But I don’t make value-judgey generalisations about people who choose Mrs.

Married for over 2 decades and still a Ms. w/ my given last name. I occasionally get the Mrs. My first His Last Name but almost never get the Mrs. His First His Last name, so I see some progress that way.

I'm also Scandinavian and women didn't traditionally take a man's last name until they immigrated to the US, so my grandmothers and mother were very opposed to what they called "an English tradition."

To those who had teachers - or who were teachers - who hated being called "Miss" when they were Mrs (or Ms ): they'd hate being a primary school teacher in Scotland where all female teachers are "Miss"

Also a Ms, pre and post marriage, own surname and no rings either !

no intention of being defined in relation to a man and I find it amusing seeing peoples confusion at my lack of ring too. It is of no relevance to a stranger what my marital status is.

Yes, Ms since my 20s. DH’s family do persist with addressing cards etc to Mrs DHsurname though. 🙄

Married Ms here too; married more than 20 years and have been Ms Bilgewater since I was about 12. Older relatives still insist on addressing envelopes and (uncashable) birthday cheques to 'Mrs DH initial plus DH surname' though.