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Feminism: chat

Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

Dd uncomfortable with trans child using bathroom

169 replies

sunnynightsarethebest · 15/07/2023 07:45

My dd, year 6, had said today there is a boy in her school (they are in year 4) who identifies as a girl. The child gets to use the female toilets, my dd and a few girls in her class are uncomfortable with this as they are going through puberty and don't want to share a bathroom with the child. I don't no what to do about the situation as dd doesn't want to use the bathroom at school incase the child is in there, but I get the child identifies as a girl so needs to. But I feel my daughter and others in her class should be able to use a bathroom and not be concerned by whose in there. What would people do in this situation?

OP posts:
SunnyEgg · 15/07/2023 18:45

For young children stretch the idea of what a boy or girl looks like or does

A boy can wear whatever and play with whatever and still use the boy’s loo etc

There are some dc at school who clearly retain male pronouns and spaces but don’t fit gender stereotypes

PowerTulle · 15/07/2023 18:59

The law states that primary schools must provide single sex facilities for your child OP. At this age/yr group it is a requirement.

Write to the school head and ask why they are breaking the law and only making mixed sex facilities for girls. It’s up to them to work out how to accommodate the other individual child fairly. Give the head a deadline to respond then go to the governors and remind them of their responsibilities regarding legal compliance.

SirChenjins · 15/07/2023 19:00

cuckyplunt · 15/07/2023 18:41

This child is 6, this has absolutely been put into her head by, probably, her mother. Exactly what danger do you think another 6 yr old of either sex poses?

Year 6 - as the OP quite clearly states.

ApocalipstickNow · 15/07/2023 19:00

cuckyplunt · 15/07/2023 18:41

This child is 6, this has absolutely been put into her head by, probably, her mother. Exactly what danger do you think another 6 yr old of either sex poses?

Neither of the children this thread is about are aged 6.

One is y5 (so 9/10) and the other is y4 (so 8/9).

They are no more or less a danger than any other boy of that age- who should not be in the girl’s toilets either. Why do you think we have separate toilets for the girls and boys anyway?

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 15/07/2023 19:05

cuckyplunt · 15/07/2023 18:41

This child is 6, this has absolutely been put into her head by, probably, her mother. Exactly what danger do you think another 6 yr old of either sex poses?

They aren't 6. They are year 5

Bibbitybobbitty · 15/07/2023 19:15

Couple of yrs ago toilets in DDs primary were refurbished, well overdue & all happy until return after summer hols & all the girls were unhappy the loos were now gender neutral- cubicles not floor to ceiling & no hand washing facilities in each cubicle plus urinals had to be passed to access cubicles (lots of boys weren't happy about girls passing while they were mid flow either) . After a huge amount of debate & complaints by majority of parents it was changed. Incidentally the council headquarters had been refurbed over same period but oddly enough they maintained separate facilities in that building with additional unisex facilities. Once this had been made public the school facilities swiftly had a stud wall placed to ensure separate facilities. This was in Scotland at the time when sturgeon thought she reigned over us all

Bibbitybobbitty · 15/07/2023 19:20

Should also say DD had 2 girls in her class who started periods just after turning 9: it was hard enough for them dealing with it in front of the girls who were all supportive but 9yr old boys was a different matter.
Also high school was a more modern building which did have fully shared facilities but individual cubicles in all toilets : including staff. All the kids were happy with this.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 15/07/2023 19:22

cuckyplunt · 15/07/2023 18:41

This child is 6, this has absolutely been put into her head by, probably, her mother. Exactly what danger do you think another 6 yr old of either sex poses?

Reading comprehension not your strong point?

Go back and re-read the OP - slowly this time.

As an aside, 6YO should not have to accept this either. But - we’re not talking about 6YOs on this thread.

SunnyEgg · 15/07/2023 19:22

PowerTulle · 15/07/2023 18:59

The law states that primary schools must provide single sex facilities for your child OP. At this age/yr group it is a requirement.

Write to the school head and ask why they are breaking the law and only making mixed sex facilities for girls. It’s up to them to work out how to accommodate the other individual child fairly. Give the head a deadline to respond then go to the governors and remind them of their responsibilities regarding legal compliance.

The law states that primary schools must provide single sex facilities for your child OP. At this age/yr group it is a requirement.

I’m glad you’ve clarified this. Even if they were 6 this would still apply.

Rockbird · 15/07/2023 19:42

Incredible how some people on this thread think that girls should start learning that male feelings are so much more important than theirs at such young age. And so the pattern continues.

NCTDN · 15/07/2023 19:51

In our primary school we recently did some staff training around this. Where in the country are you?

Original poster
sunnynightsarethebest · 15/07/2023 19:56

cuckyplunt · 15/07/2023 18:41

This child is 6, this has absolutely been put into her head by, probably, her mother. Exactly what danger do you think another 6 yr old of either sex poses?

My child is is 10 years old. There are no 6 year olds in this situation. Nothing has been put in her head by me. Thanks for the reply but going to listen to the people who have actually given advice on the best way to deal with the situation my dd is very uncomfortable with

OP posts:
Original poster
sunnynightsarethebest · 15/07/2023 19:56

NCTDN · 15/07/2023 19:51

In our primary school we recently did some staff training around this. Where in the country are you?

I'm in the south west

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 15/07/2023 20:06

So many apologists on this thread.

NCTDN · 15/07/2023 20:17

Ok so I can't put you in touch with a fabulous officer in our area who has a wealth of advice. My suggestion is to contact school. We are all still very new in navigating these situations but school should be taking into account every young person's feelings, not just the one individual.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 15/07/2023 20:27

but school should be taking into account every young person's feelings, not just the one individual.

I think this is the way to approach it. Just keep reiterating this.

I know it seems easier for everyone - schools, organisations,
literally everyone - to throw women and girls under the bus, and prioritise men’s and boys’ feeling, but no. We don’t have to accept that.

Just politely and persistently keep pushing back. Be annoying.

FunkyBuddha85 · 15/07/2023 20:39

Honestly, I think the boy in question should be made to use the boys bathroom. Far less uncomfortable for him to be there than for all the poor girls having to put up with this nonsense.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 15/07/2023 20:59

cariadlet · 15/07/2023 08:24

Why shouldn't the girls get worked up about it?
Why is the boy's feelings more important than the girls' feelings?

We need to stop encouraging girls to be kind and we should teach them to stand up for themselves.

Exactly.

Moredramathanrazzamatazz · 15/07/2023 22:39

let him use the disabled toilet.

No, the accessible toilet is for people with disabilities that require it. Only.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 15/07/2023 22:42

Moredramathanrazzamatazz · 15/07/2023 22:39

let him use the disabled toilet.

No, the accessible toilet is for people with disabilities that require it. Only.

Exactly.

He’s not disabled.

He can use the boys’ toilets.

He’s the one who’s decided something has changed. He therefore should be the one who must adapt.

Not the girls, wholly unconnected with him or his need to decide he wants to be a girl.

Why on earth should they be put out, or need to adapt?

It’s so profoundly misogynistic.

BananaSpanner · 15/07/2023 22:54

I actually agree that he shouldn’t use the girls toilets but the way that this 8/9 year old child is being spoken about is horrible. Like he’s predatory not a confused kid that I imagine is scared of being bullied.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 15/07/2023 23:06

I’m not connected with the kid, so I don’t care about how I come across.

I’m so utterly sick of women and girls always, always having to be kind, to budge up and shove up for selfish, unthinking (at very best) boys and men.

I don’t think he’s predatory - but I do think he’s selfish and indulged.

This is the school’s problem to fix - but instead, they’re pushing it and offloading it onto young girls - who are likewise confused and a bit scared!?

Why do they never matter?

Tabbycat90 · 15/07/2023 23:28

Women and girls are entitled legally to single sex spaces and services with good reason.

Kucinghitam · 15/07/2023 23:56

Rockbird · 15/07/2023 19:42

Incredible how some people on this thread think that girls should start learning that male feelings are so much more important than theirs at such young age. And so the pattern continues.

Exactly this.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 16/07/2023 00:57

porridgecake · 15/07/2023 12:16

I know a child who was raped in the toilets in primary school.
This individual child might be fine but it is the principle of single sex toilets that is important here.
OP, have a look at Safe Schools Alliance for advice.

Link? If a child was raped in a primary school then it would be headline news