Dd uncomfortable with trans child using bathroom

[sunnynightsarethebest]

My dd, year 6, had said today there is a boy in her school (they are in year 4) who identifies as a girl. The child gets to use the female toilets, my dd and a few girls in her class are uncomfortable with this as they are going through puberty and don't want to share a bathroom with the child. I don't no what to do about the situation as dd doesn't want to use the bathroom at school incase the child is in there, but I get the child identifies as a girl so needs to. But I feel my daughter and others in her class should be able to use a bathroom and not be concerned by whose in there. What would people do in this situation?

The wear pe kit into school no getting changed, I meant to put 5 it I pushed 6 which is next to it and didn't check the year I had put. But thank you for correcting me on this when I just wanted advice on what was best to do for my daughter. She has one yr left in school

I am the parent of a year 5 child and it is a mistake I made. Pe kit is worn into school so there is no getting changed In school

Presumably they have cubicles?

What difference does it make to your daughter?

How sad that girls as young as year 5 are being told to put up with their space being invaded to not offend a boy.

Why shouldn't the girls get worked up about it?
Why is the boy's feelings more important than the girls' feelings?

We need to stop encouraging girls to be kind and we should teach them to stand up for themselves.

Exactly. And it is a good lesson about privacy and boundaries.

As well as biology.

Yes there are cubicles but the doors are not full length, the are the doors you have on primary schools. So are you saying my DD's and other girls on her class, feelings should be dismissed as there are doors on the toilets? Should my dd not be able to go to school and use the toilets?

Ageee

Why is the feelings of this boy more important? Can someone explain this?

What about school swimming lessons for example?

Yes there are cubicles but the doors are not full length, the are the doors you have on primary schools. So are you saying my DD's and other girls on her class, feelings should be dismissed as there are doors on the toilets? Should my dd not be able to go to school and use the toilets?

Of course she should be able to as should other girls - no matter how the toilets are designed girls should be entitled to a safe, sex-specific space with no males present no matter how they 'identify'.

Why is she feeling uncomfortable? What does it matter if there is a 9 yr old boy who identifies as a girl is in the toilets? Genuine question as I don’t think it’s a given that all girls would be uncomfortable with this, I think she must have got the idea from somewhere. What are her concerns? What does she think will happen?

Also what are the chances of them both needing the toilet at the same time.

She got the idea from biology and the fact Yr 5 and 6 boys are definitely looking at girls and starting puberty. Ffs. Idiots.

MRA’s are out I see.

I think when girls are going through puberty and their bodies are changing they become more self aware and this is what's happened to her. She hasn't been told anything by me if that is what you are implying. They may not be in the toilet at the same time but it obviously has happened or she may not be concerned by it

I think she must have got the idea from somewhere. What are her concerns? What does she think will happen?

What, that girls and boys have separate spaces to change and toilet because of differing bodies and biology? I'd have thought that was pretty mainstream!

https://safeschoolsallianceuk.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/singlesextoiletsfactsheet.pdf

this might be helpful to send to the school

Thank you for the actual helpful messages. I will send a message to the head just to say my daughter feels uncomfortable with the situation (she those links if needed).

Send links

It was explained in the OP that it makes her feel uncomfortable to have a boy present in the toilets with her.

But they don’t always have male and female spaces. As long as there’re cubicles I don’t really see the problem, but I’m not belittling your daughter’s feelings. I just wondered why she is worried. My DD yr 7 wouldn’t care. They have mixed sex changing rooms for swim club, with cubicles. At her school secondary school there’re no doors and just cubicles so unisex.

Young girls can feel embarrassed about periods. Doesn't mean they think all their classmates are predators.

My own Yr5 going into Yr6 is worried that although they have emergency period supplies at school and the girls can ask to go to the toilet at any time, she will have a male teacher next year. She doesn't think he's a predator either... but the idea is embarrassing. Because some of the boys acted immature in puberty sessions at school.

I started my periods at 10. I was hugely uncomfortable with this, and didn't even want my friends to know, let alone the other girls, and especially the boys.

I would have avoided the toilets totally if they'd have been mixed sex.

I still don't want to share toilets with men, I hate unisex loos.

When I worked in a school the boys and girls got changed separately for PE in year 5/6 as well. That would have been bloody mortifying for me, as I already had quite big boobs by then. Boys would twang my bra strap. Imagine having to change in front of them as well.

So sad girls are having to deal with this from the very people who should be protecting them.

You are, patently.

It does not matter what some random adult on the internet thinks this girl should think or feel about sharing the female toilet with a male. This girl is fully entitled to a single sex space and to not want to share that space with a boy. Her right to that space is no-one else’s to give away.

HTH.

@Mugviper that's lovely for your dd but my dd does care and she has every right to. It does sound like you are belittling my DD's feelings as she doesn't feel the same as your dd.

Our primary school had an issue with the boys commenting on the girls when they were year 5, thankfully the head dealt with the boys. The fact is at this age they do start noticing and if there are comments being made by any of the boys the girls will feel uncomfortable around 'any' boy and school stopping the comments doesn't ease the girls feelings it just prevents it getting worse.

No boy should be in a girls toilets