Dd uncomfortable with trans child using bathroom

[sunnynightsarethebest]

My dd, year 6, had said today there is a boy in her school (they are in year 4) who identifies as a girl. The child gets to use the female toilets, my dd and a few girls in her class are uncomfortable with this as they are going through puberty and don't want to share a bathroom with the child. I don't no what to do about the situation as dd doesn't want to use the bathroom at school incase the child is in there, but I get the child identifies as a girl so needs to. But I feel my daughter and others in her class should be able to use a bathroom and not be concerned by whose in there. What would people do in this situation?

That's all irrelevant @Mugviper. These are single sex facilities and they are for girls only, not boys.

Safe schools Alliance also have letter templates. safeschoolsallianceuk.net/resources-2/letter-templates/ @sunnynightsarethebest

The one about mixed toilets may be useful for you to take bits from - the stats about assault and asking what impact assessment they have carried out are useful in this situation.

Year 6 is 11 so most of those girls will have started their puberty and have started growing breast and pubic hair. Several may also have started their periods. Boys of 11 may not have started puberty but they will have had some testosterone surge and a growing interest in sex/sexual activity.

Girls in school deserve privacy and dignity in the toilet and your daughter’s concerns should not be dismissed or ignored.

Trans girls have to use girls toilets.
Trans boys have to use girls toilets.
Girls must be kind and accommodate this 🤔
If the cubicles are separate then the boy can use the boys toilets.

Under another name awhile ago I was commenting how I don't care who uses the womans bathroom, woman or trans woman. We should use what we like. Then a few weeks ago I opened the door to a womans bathroom and came face to face with a man (trans woman I guess) and for a split second was actually terrified thinking I was about to be attacked. So I get it now. It is worrying for girls and woman.

I have a Yr 5 and a Yr 6 boy actually and I teach secondary. And pshe. And am a psychologist. Used to work in treatment for offenders. I'm not labelling boys but I'm 100% sure I understand this better than you 🤣

Kids can't be trans anything.

Stop calling them trans.

Call them boys. Males. In the female toilets.

The protected characteristic is 'gender reassignment'. And this status is for adults as children cannot be reassigned their gender.

A boy saying he is a girl is not a gender reassignment. It is just a boy.

So call it what it is.

My DD yr 7 wouldn’t care. They have mixed sex changing rooms for swim club, with cubicles. At her school secondary school there’re no doors and just cubicles so unisex.

So a completely different situation then. Maybe your dd wouldn't be so fine if she was still in Primary school and the toilets were completely different from the ones at her secondary school.

So this boy doesn't have to share the toilets with boys, but your dd does? How very progressive.

Under another name awhile ago I was commenting how I don't care who uses the womans bathroom, woman or trans woman. We should use what we like. Then a few weeks ago I opened the door to a womans bathroom and came face to face with a man (trans woman I guess) and for a split second was actually terrified thinking I was about to be attacked. So I get it now. It is worrying for girls and woman.

The thing is, we just don't know. And if we question or scream we might get accused of transphobia.

Women and girls need to reclaim our spaces.

One of the issues is that some girls start their periods in Y5 or 6.
For a girl just trying to get to grips with it and manage dealing with sanitary products, it can be a difficult time, and they need privacy. Schools provide products in case of emergency in most schools now, and these are left in an obvious place, like a basket near the sink, not in the individual toilet spaces. For some girls, it is hard enough to help yourself to these when it is just other girls around. If there are boys around some girls would struggle hugely, to the extent that they would stay at home rather than have to deal with that.
OP, I think you should contact the school, email setting out the issues, copies to the head, SENCO, phase leader and class teacher. Get other parents to do the same. In writing. Most heads these days do listen to parents.

https://sex-matters.org/

Safe school alliance also has template letters on their website that you can download to send to school

Imagine one of the girls has started her period and whilst getting to grips with it, has had a flood and is trying to get cleaned up using the sinks and hand dryer (most of us have been there at least once in our lives, despite the inevitable faux denial that will follow this post). I'm not saying the poor girl would feel particularly comfortable with anyone else in there whilst she's dealing with that but least of all a boy who's going through puberty ffs.

No boy should be in the girls toilets. Could this boy who says that they are a girl use the staff toilets?

I would ask questions but I wouldn't state my DD specifically was uncomfortable until I knew how the land lay because some individuals might view this negatively and I know my dd would not have wanted head above the parapet. I would take the flak myself.

Is this your usual attitude to the concerns of females?

Why shouldn’t they? 🤔

Good points that the boy is uncomfortable with boys so girls have to be his support. Wtf.

I kind of agree with this. Our local swimming pool has separate cubicles for changing (no male or female areas) and I don’t see toilets as being much different, though male toilets have urinals where genitals can be seen, female toilets don’t have any areas where people are showing anything.

But I also respect that girls should not be made to feel vulnerable by a male being in a female space and school is a place where everyone should feel safe. I understand that it wouldn’t bother some people but I fully respect that it bothered others.

And the fact that women are being denied single sex changing rooms is a massive cause for concern. Not only do most women and girls not want them, the stats show they are more dangerous than single sex changing rooms https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/women/sexual-assault-unisex-changing-rooms-sunday-times-women-risk-a8519086.html

They don't all have to be sexual predators. But if there's a chance some of them might be, that's a reason to keep them apart from girls in private spaces.

Ok so they aren't predators but that doesn't mean girls arent entitled to privacy and dignity.

Talking to head teachers is no longer a simple interaction. It can be quite fraught these days. I'm sure you know that but just thought you'd have a pop at the OP.

I would imagine the cubicles within the toilets would have doors on so don't see what the issue/ concern is.

They aren't cubicles, they're stalls. It is a legal requirement for schools to provide single sex toilets for children over the age of 8. The school is breaking the law.

separate toilet and washing facilities must be provided for boys and girls aged 8 and over pursuant to Regulation 4 of the School Premises (England) Regulations 2012, which falls within the exemption provided for in Schedule 22 of the Equality Act 2010”

So you have never experienced being mocked by other children on hearing the crinkle of sanpro from within a cubicle, or for making normal toilet noises. Well good for you but girls do this and I can imagine boys are much much worse.