What would happen if a girl grew up believing that she was equal to men? Would she be cruelly rebuffed or would she face struggles but actually be better placed to succeed, even if perhaps not as easily as many men would in her shoes?
I was that girl. I genuinely spent my teens and early 20s thinking feminism (once I became aware of the concept) had “won” and there was nothing I couldn’t do if I wanted to. I absorbed the messages of equality wholesale.
It didn’t stop me getting paid less than my male colleagues in a role where I had more subject knowledge than any of them.
It didn’t stop me being sexually assaulted by a male doctor.
It didn’t stop me being accused of being “too strident” in meetings (and therefore more easily ignored), when none of my male colleagues making forceful points were pulled up on their tone - this was not in the same job as the one mentioned above, btw.
It didn’t prevent it taking 15 YEARS to get a diagnosis of a congenital health condition because my concerns and symptoms were repeatedly dismissed and downplayed (I later discovered this is not an uncommon female experience.)
That’s not me “fetishising my victimhood” or whatever you called it upthread. That is simply my life experience, and I’ve come to terms with it in many ways. But believing wholeheartedly at the outset that I was equal to any man didn’t prevent me encountering misogyny, sexism and lesser treatment for no reason other than being a woman in a society set up by, and to benefit primarily, men.
So yes, I was pretty angry by the time I turned to feminist activism. As a PP said, why the fuck are women expected to be smiley and pleasant and upbeat while fighting to address inequalities against their sex? Denying us the right to be angry or yes, even “bitter”, is just more misogynistic tone policing.