I've tried .

[stillvicarinatutu]

I've really tried to engage in the fwr board but it's so hostile.

I really wanted to explore more but I just feel attacked whenever I speak my truth.

I don't know what came of the Caroline what's her name thread because I hid it . I really wanted to try and understand what was happening there and try to offer insight and engage from the perspective of a woman in the police .

But I just can't get through the "your all bastards , Wayne cousins, watching me , agenda , trans rights , you're all bastards cos some forces are talking bollocks stuff .

I agree with most of everything but when I'm trying to engage and proffer my support all I get is you behaved badly because you said police should patrol at nigth and have the audacity to LOOK at a woman out at night . The. WC gets brought up like the majority of the police force men and women are some physical threat - when he was the absolute definition of exception not the rule.

I get insulted time and time again and I still tried . It's just turned me off the whole topic because no one will actually talk rationally with me .
And if I ask why all I will get is sulky replied about how police are all shit with some anti feminist agenda when I work in a drive that has never ever had that agenda - no stonewall training , no lanyards with rainbows or cars with stickers - yet when I say this is not my experience while respecting it may be yours - I get told I must be a man .

Last night I posted in a thread and asked what is the issue with police patrolling at night and looking at people who are out ?

Result : your behaved badly . You said it wasn't an issue . You said that's what police are meant to do . (It is actually! Police patrol at night because that's when most crime happens like burglary and car crime )

The reason I'm posting before anyone says something really witty like do t let the door hit your arse on the way out
Is because I wanted to engage and be included in chats that involve women . No
Matter what their job is . I have no trans agenda - I have always said and always believed you are born with either an x or a Y chromosome and that determines your skeletal frame , and your sex . And that cannot be changed.
I'm horrified by the tales here of thought police and wrong think .
I'm in that job and I could actually raise this . The more I learned the more ridiculous it seemed . But I can't even talk about it without jibes or civility.
The fwr board is really really hostile . As a woman I feel unwelcome to even discuss anything .
This will cause more offence and a round of fuck offs. But I really wanted to learn what the issues were around fwr and policing . Its like an exclusive club that no one can gain entry to unless you absolutely comply with the narrative- and I don't even know what it is !
I really wanted to try and understand and learn and possibly - possibly try to raise some of the issues from within .

Anyway - please please don't pile on - this is constructive criticism.
And I won't engage . I've hidden the fwr board now because I don't feel I can be included or add anything of value .

Please don't prove me right by being vindictive or abusive .

I just wanted to learn , help , engage.

I really wish you luck in what ever you hope to achieve .

Oh and in the ranks of awkward stroppy women I'll fit right in .....

Thank you x

Actually starting to like this board .....

You are staring to like us? Welcome tot he dark side.

cheers sashh x yeah. I am . Reluctantly. Like a sulky teen .

@stillvicarinatutu Some of my favourite people are sulky teens.

I guess that's how I became so 'difficult' and 'unkind' I represent the dark and sinister forces of reality - reminding teenagers of unwelcome facts (like they need to wash their underpants, shower on occasion or hand in their GCSE coursework) its like what I do all day, everyday.

Welcome to the dark side, we have muffins. FWR come because we're 'orrible stay because we really aren't ;-)

see, i read that huge first post and my first thought was "meh, I saw you on some other threads completely dismissing what the posters were saying"

So i read on a bit and then i got to this bit

I also admit that I've been in the job so long that it's easy to forget how unnerving it could be to feel a police car has slowed down to watch you ....

How you could write that with a straight face is beyond me. I had a similar experience to another poster above with a police car with really bright lights, a good while back now. I actually got pulled over and had a robust discussion with a man in a police uniform, who had got out of a car which was blinding me dangerously on a road that switched between 1 and 2 lanes a lot. A road i know well, at 3am on a saturday with taxis whizzing past me back into town for a job.

Long and short of it was: once he found out i was military with rank he was immediately polite and agreed his lights were on full beam. and apologised. As did his superior when i called them the next day.

HOW can you not, as a human, realise that either of these behaviours are not acceptable? Yes, not all police officers. But more than enough. Many more than enough. And I'm still not seeing any willingness to change from any of the ones I've had interactios with. Just more of the "well it's only a few of them".

So yes, thanks for coming on and posting. It's not personal but i literally do not trust the police in the UK. I am not sure I'd report a rape. A burglary i would for the insurance but in the knowledge that no effort will be made to help. And it's no good eleventy one police officers saying "sorry, we will do better". I want to see evidence, and then i will change my mind.

Baroness Casey is conducting a huge inquiry at the moment. I hope it will be read by police and public alike.

Sorry I missed you’d replied, thank you!

What interests me in the CF case, and in general, is why one case is picked up and investigated and another isn’t - and whether as a police officer you can tell when an agenda is driving something (or not.) Meaning - I think the police are often very short on resources and can't always investigate something that should be / they’d like to - maybe an assault or burglary etc. So with something like this - do you think they get a request from ‘on high’ to deal with it? I know you won’t know in this case specifically but does that happen - you’re sometimes told to proceed with something that might usually just go into the pile of ‘personal disputes’ or ‘just not enough time’ or ‘this seems vexatious’ etc?

Anyway - totally get you might not have time to answer this, also glad you’re starting to like it here 😀

Welcome to the dark side, @stillvicarinatutu

Fascinating thread and insight. 😁

@stillvicarinatutu
There is a thread on Site Stuff where you might be able to add some suggestions. About what to do/what are our rights if arrested.

That's a great idea

Care to link me ?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/4647904-web-chat-suggestion-qc-on-rights-when-approaching-or-being-approached-by-police

I've posted . Ask away . I'll help with what I can .

Well, that went down like a fart in a lift

Not to worry.

They're right tho - I could be anyone and while I would endeavour to give the facts in law it's probably not that useful in reality if something happens.

Ah well - Rome wasn't built in a day and all that - keep on keeping on when you have the energy.

The bit about the Good Law project was interesting. I can't remember if I knew that already, but it was worth the recap!

Yeah that is interesting. I think if a web chat was to work it needs to be totally independent, neutral, no affiliation to anything- real or imagined

I had no clue about the link between MN and The Good Law Project. Several pennies are dropping now.

Don't feel slighted dear vicar older threads don't get so much traffic. Whilst I certainly hope to never be arrested " say nothing until after you get a lawyer " has been my working plan for a long time - and don't accept a caution without legal advice as you are pleading guilty to committing a criminal offence ( which apparently many people don't quite get from the conversation with the police ) anything to add / correct or does that still sound like good advice?

Sorry it was not with hindsight - a great idea.

That's very sound and the advice I would always give - always always take the right to legal advice .

Accepting a caution is accepting guilt - it's not a criminal conviction but does show in dbs checks etc - I'd never say accept a caution without legal advice. Legal advice is a right given in custody- always accept it . It's free .

This is an interesting thread to have happened upon late at night

I'm the poster you started the thread about, hello!

To summerise:

• Called me paranoid in your first post replying to my account of what happened to me - straight out the gate offensive.
• You then misrepresented what I was saying and then tried to make out I would prefer police not patrol as opposed to what they did to me which was quite intimidating behaviour. You said "Police can't stop patrolling at night in case it makes a lone woman feel a bit funny - hope you understand that ."
• Told me I was being defensive when I tried to get you to understand my viewpoint as a lone woman walking at night.
• Did your version of NAPALT repeatedly in the face of a few womens' lived experience and amidst the discussion of CFs arrest and the culture of police overreach in matters like this and womens' generals fears.
• Called FWR discussions daft because of my account.
• Brought your age into it for some reason - I'm your elder, sit down and listen silly paranoid young girl? - and on finding out I'm not that much younger than you told me it was time to act my age...

I gave you a biscuit and started a new thread to get a poll:
Ok I'm sorry I'm derailing again a bit, just thought it would be of interest particularly to Stillvicar.
On the thread regarding waving down police in their vehicle if you felt their behaviour was intimidating would you wave them down?
269 people voted:
20% YABU - I would feel completely comfortable flagging down the officers in the vehicle.
80% YANBU - I would not feel comfortable waving down the officers in the vehicle.
The ratio of YABU/YANBU has fluctuated a few points (21% was the most I saw) in favour of YABU, but since posting the voting has remained at approx 80% YANBU.
I am not surprised. Confidence in police from women is at an all time low. What happened to CF and has happened to others is just another reason why we have no confidence in them.

You never came back and apologise for your frankly unpleasant behaviour, nor seemed interested in actually listening to the discussion that might enlighten you on why women as a group aren't really big on trusting the police as a group... instead you started this thread about how mean we were to you. Bit rich after the way you were to me for absolutely no reason.

Just to add that I think it was particularly strange response from you to go at me over this because my account was pretty mild compared to others and as I said on the other thread I am very much pro police but can see why women are mistrustful if not fearful.