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Feminism: sex and gender

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Original poster

TW - He’s been charged - very very old thread update

251 replies

Backandforthandnow · 06/04/2022 02:57

Hi all, sorry username change as I haven’t been on here for about a year, can’t remember which one I posted under.

There may be none of you here now who remember, but in 2018 I was the victim of a brutal rape, under the guise of niche, violent and sick BDSM. Which I had no interest in and did not agree to.

Over the time it happened, and the years after you guys were here for me, after having the case rejected on very spurious grounds, evidence lost, the rough sex and silly woman thrown at me constantly someone on here referred me to the Centre For Women’s Justice and I really wish I could remember the username of the member but I was traumatised at the time.

Anyway if there are any who remember, with their enormous support all the way, and that of my local MP I have fought this for 4 years.

This week, after review by the independent CPS body, I finally have the validation I’m not insane, complying to survive was not my fault, being hospitalised with various injuries and having months of physio is not the normal outcome of a date.

They have chosen to charge this man with 6 counts.

I won’t say anymore because I don’t want to give any details that could jeopardise, but I do want to say thank you.

It’s a long road from here to remove this man from the streets he shouldn’t have been on for 4 years and there are no guarantees. But from your support hopefully a tiny change will be made in the system, maybe some lessons will be learned.

So if any of you remember then thank you, thank you for being there during one of the darkest moments of life.

If any of you are seeking a charity to support to help women who have no where else to turn then please consider the CWJ because I can’t repay them for all they have given me in practical legal fights but also in kindness and understanding.

OP posts:
Augend23 · 14/02/2024 07:35

What an astonishing fight. I'm so pleased that that is now the outcome but it's been such a long road. Thank you for letting us all know - a hung jury must have been devastating so I am glad they were able to retry.

Shortpoet · 14/02/2024 07:47

I am in awe of your courage in going through a trial, not once but twice. I will make a donation to CWJ it seems like they do amazing work.

jay55 · 14/02/2024 08:11

You are amazing. I can't believe you had to go through another year of waiting.
I hope you have the best week of sleep of your life.

Fetaa · 14/02/2024 08:22

Amazing!!! Well done!!

Fetaa · 14/02/2024 08:24

Please please please can a newspaper pick up and write about this. Attention needs to be drawn to quicker and fairer prosecutions.

FromOurHatsToOurFeet · 14/02/2024 08:25

That's amazing. Thank you for having the determination see this through all the obstacles, it must have taken every ounce of strength and then some. You are amazing.

lizzowhiz · 14/02/2024 09:17

@Fetaa there was an excellent item on radio 4 earlier about this topic, not this specific case but similar.

AliasGrape · 14/02/2024 09:24

OP this thread/ your story is new to me and I wasn't around when it was started or for previous updates, but I've just read all your posts on this one and I'm so so pleased that the right verdict was eventually returned.

I'm utterly in awe of the courage and determination you have shown, how desperately unfair that it's taken so much fight and such a long road to get here but thank you so much for your strength in seeing it through and for sharing your story with us.

ithinkicanithinkican · 14/02/2024 09:25

You incredible woman. Thank you for your strength, courage and determination. I am so sorry you had to endure every aspect of this, but thank you for exposing this fucker to the world for what he is. I hope you are doing okay after everything you have been through.

sawdustformypony · 14/02/2024 09:52

@Backandforthandnow The other thing people don’t realise is that defence barristers are allowed to lie and make things up.

ACTUALLY LIE, with no evidence whatsoever, on the vague hope that some of the lie will stick in a jurors head to create just that tiny doubt that they need. It blows my mind. I’m not talking undercut your testimony with nuances they can pick at, I’m talking actual lies.

No advocate is permitted to lie in Court. Very suprised anybody would risk their career to do so. Maybe, once the case is over, CWJ could report the barrister to the Bar Council with a view to having him/her disbarred - no-one wants a rotten egg standing up in Court.

Igmum · 14/02/2024 11:52

Well done OP. You are amazing. So, so pleased to hear this

TammytheFaceGhost · 14/02/2024 11:58

What a wonderful, strong and tenacious woman you are. Well done. And I think this is one of the few times where I can speak on behalf of ALL women, to say thank you.

pickledandpuzzled · 14/02/2024 12:06

That’s extraordinary! Well done and the very best of luck with your recovery. ❤️‍🩹

Pickledperr · 14/02/2024 12:21

I remember you. You're an utter rockstar and I thank you for your bravery. You've made the world safer for all women. I hope you're able to keep telling your story on public forums, perhaps the radio? I think it will give strength to so many others.

ComorosPearl · 14/02/2024 12:28

Wonderful result after such a long fight. God bless you.

Piccalino3 · 14/02/2024 15:58

What a strong and amazing woman you are. I am thrilled to see this update. I hope he gets an appropriate sentence for the terrible things he has done. What courage and tenacity you have

GCAcademic · 14/02/2024 16:48

I’ve thought of you often, OP. I’m so glad that you have justice now, and hope that will provide some peace.

Fullyhuman · 14/02/2024 20:53

Brava, @Backandforthandnow! Brava.

I’ve thought of you and am so sorry you went through the hung jury on top of all the rest. I’m not surprised you couldn’t update at the time, I guessed they’d found him not guilty and felt so sad and angry for you, so it’s extra wonderful to read this now, thanks so much for updating your thread.

Wishing you and your children all the very best xx

SayYouDontMind · 14/02/2024 21:45

Fantastic news! I am so relieved on your behalf - you have shown such courage and strength. Sorry it has been such a painfully protracted process.

ohfourfoxache · 14/02/2024 21:49

Oh you brave, brave lady

Enormous congratulations, so happy for you 💐

Wishing you peace x

Nationaltrustme · 14/02/2024 21:52

Thank you

Original poster
Backandforthandnow · 14/02/2024 23:49

Thank you all. I don’t feel very brave but I’m hoping that will come. I think I’m a bit shellshocked and need to create some space to process. I appreciate the wishes of peace now. I think I’d like that.

I am ok though, I wanted to do the right thing and I think this is it. It’s not done yet, sentencing and some other things, I’ll update as I can. But female solidarity has got me here so thank you for your responses it means a lot.

@sawdustformypony I’d love to discuss this point as there are a few elements of the first trial that really mess with my head and this is one of them. The second was totally different with a judge that shut things down. I can’t really say much now because I’m not sure what I’m allowed to talk about. I almost need to run it to process and understand it but I don’t know if the “don’t talk about your testimony” still stands, so I daren't to anyone.

Not even my psychologist, I never have talked about any of it, only tools to cope, in all these years, because it was made clear any psychologist/support records were open to the defence and that made me feel a bit sick. I might ask at what point I am allowed, that I have my privacy and public choices, I want to own my freedom to speak.

OP posts:
Augend23 · 15/02/2024 05:42

Backandforthandnow · 14/02/2024 23:49

Thank you all. I don’t feel very brave but I’m hoping that will come. I think I’m a bit shellshocked and need to create some space to process. I appreciate the wishes of peace now. I think I’d like that.

I am ok though, I wanted to do the right thing and I think this is it. It’s not done yet, sentencing and some other things, I’ll update as I can. But female solidarity has got me here so thank you for your responses it means a lot.

@sawdustformypony I’d love to discuss this point as there are a few elements of the first trial that really mess with my head and this is one of them. The second was totally different with a judge that shut things down. I can’t really say much now because I’m not sure what I’m allowed to talk about. I almost need to run it to process and understand it but I don’t know if the “don’t talk about your testimony” still stands, so I daren't to anyone.

Not even my psychologist, I never have talked about any of it, only tools to cope, in all these years, because it was made clear any psychologist/support records were open to the defence and that made me feel a bit sick. I might ask at what point I am allowed, that I have my privacy and public choices, I want to own my freedom to speak.

Do you have a victim support worker you can check with?

I think you can talk about what happened in the court room after the verdict - after all, journalists are allowed into court rooms and to report on trials and in theory I think anyone can request a transcript if they're prepared to pay for the stenography.

But I would be as twitchy as you about talking about everything without confirmation from someone in authority too, as I'm sure you've had it drilled into you that you can't talk too much about an ongoing court case.

MarjorieDanvers · 15/02/2024 07:31

@Augend23 💐

Regarding lies by the barrister I know what you mean. It influences the jury. I spent a lot of my working life in criminal courts and was shocked when I did jury service! The ‘I put it to you / isn’t it the case that …… etc etc has a much greater impact on people than even I’d realised. I didn’t give it a second thought but my fellow jury members were all of the view there must be something in the nonsense spouted otherwise the prosecution would have objected and judge made a point directly to us to ignore! FFS!!

I hate our criminal legal system and know I’d only want a jury if I was guilty (the odds are often 50/50).

MarjorieDanvers · 15/02/2024 07:32

Apologies my flowers and post were for @Backandforthandnow 💐💐💐