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Feminism: chat

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

TW - He’s been charged - very very old thread update

251 replies

Backandforthandnow · 06/04/2022 02:57

Hi all, sorry username change as I haven’t been on here for about a year, can’t remember which one I posted under.

There may be none of you here now who remember, but in 2018 I was the victim of a brutal rape, under the guise of niche, violent and sick BDSM. Which I had no interest in and did not agree to.

Over the time it happened, and the years after you guys were here for me, after having the case rejected on very spurious grounds, evidence lost, the rough sex and silly woman thrown at me constantly someone on here referred me to the Centre For Women’s Justice and I really wish I could remember the username of the member but I was traumatised at the time.

Anyway if there are any who remember, with their enormous support all the way, and that of my local MP I have fought this for 4 years.

This week, after review by the independent CPS body, I finally have the validation I’m not insane, complying to survive was not my fault, being hospitalised with various injuries and having months of physio is not the normal outcome of a date.

They have chosen to charge this man with 6 counts.

I won’t say anymore because I don’t want to give any details that could jeopardise, but I do want to say thank you.

It’s a long road from here to remove this man from the streets he shouldn’t have been on for 4 years and there are no guarantees. But from your support hopefully a tiny change will be made in the system, maybe some lessons will be learned.

So if any of you remember then thank you, thank you for being there during one of the darkest moments of life.

If any of you are seeking a charity to support to help women who have no where else to turn then please consider the CWJ because I can’t repay them for all they have given me in practical legal fights but also in kindness and understanding.

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 06/04/2022 14:21

Wishing you the strength you will need for the next stage. Flowers You've done amazingly well to get to this point. From the little I know about CJW, they are an exceptional bunch. I'll see what I can chip in.

JessieOh · 06/04/2022 14:21

Wow.
Well done op.
Fingers crossed he gets what he deserves and you get what you deserve...a life of peace and comfort.
My best wishes for the future.

Redshoeblueshoe · 06/04/2022 14:24

Well done Flowers

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 06/04/2022 14:26

Flowers well done and thank you for making us and our daughters a little safer.

FromOurHatsToOurFeet · 06/04/2022 14:27

I remember you. What courage you have.

CWJ are also on Amazon Smile so you can donate everytime you use Amazon.

MoltenLasagne · 06/04/2022 14:33

I remember your thread and the injustice you initially received. I'm so glad to hear you've had the support of CwJ and that the police are now charging this monster.

donquixotedelamancha · 06/04/2022 15:18

@Colouringaddict

On behalf of all victims everywhere, Thankyou. Thankyou for reporting it. Thankyou for following up Thankyou for following advice Thankyou for your courage Thankyou for your tenacity You are a very exceptional woman
This. I don't think I'd have the guts to persist through what you've endured. You should be immensely proud.
moodymadmummy · 06/04/2022 15:54

Thank you for the update such a brave thing to do so happy you finally can have justice 💐

MrsPaperclip · 06/04/2022 15:56

This is amazing and you sound incredibly brave. Well done for pursuing it this far Flowers

SpringsSprung · 06/04/2022 21:11

@Backandforthandnow

Hi all, sorry username change as I haven’t been on here for about a year, can’t remember which one I posted under.

There may be none of you here now who remember, but in 2018 I was the victim of a brutal rape, under the guise of niche, violent and sick BDSM. Which I had no interest in and did not agree to.

Over the time it happened, and the years after you guys were here for me, after having the case rejected on very spurious grounds, evidence lost, the rough sex and silly woman thrown at me constantly someone on here referred me to the Centre For Women’s Justice and I really wish I could remember the username of the member but I was traumatised at the time.

Anyway if there are any who remember, with their enormous support all the way, and that of my local MP I have fought this for 4 years.

This week, after review by the independent CPS body, I finally have the validation I’m not insane, complying to survive was not my fault, being hospitalised with various injuries and having months of physio is not the normal outcome of a date.

They have chosen to charge this man with 6 counts.

I won’t say anymore because I don’t want to give any details that could jeopardise, but I do want to say thank you.

It’s a long road from here to remove this man from the streets he shouldn’t have been on for 4 years and there are no guarantees. But from your support hopefully a tiny change will be made in the system, maybe some lessons will be learned.

So if any of you remember then thank you, thank you for being there during one of the darkest moments of life.

If any of you are seeking a charity to support to help women who have no where else to turn then please consider the CWJ because I can’t repay them for all they have given me in practical legal fights but also in kindness and understanding.

the streets he shouldn't have been on

Oh wow so he was a police officer? 😯

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 06/04/2022 22:36

If any of you are seeking a charity to support to help women who have no where else to turn then please consider the CWJ because I can’t repay them for all they have given me in practical legal fights but also in kindness and understanding.

CJW is amazing.

OhSoStranger · 06/04/2022 22:40

Amazing OP, what a women !

MaChienEstUnDick · 06/04/2022 22:44

You are a total warrior. Well done.

MamaSaidTheredBeDaysLikeThis · 06/04/2022 22:48

I remember OP. You are incredible and thank you for updating us. Stay strong.

JackieQueen · 06/04/2022 22:51

Amazing brave lady, thank you, well doneFlowers

2020nymph · 06/04/2022 22:52

I'm so sorry you went through all of this. You're a warrior.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 06/04/2022 23:15

I remember you OP Thanks in awe of your strength.

grapewines · 06/04/2022 23:20

Wow. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. What strength you have.

TheMoreYouKnow · 06/04/2022 23:44

You're so brave and strong. Well done for going through all that but sorry you had to go through all of that. Hope you feel a real sense of relief and you can breathe freely. Well done.
Thank you.

FlibbertyGiblets · 06/04/2022 23:48

I remember. Thank you. I hope you are okay, well as okay as can be expected.

Backandforthandnow · 06/04/2022 23:57

Thank you all, I think I’m more stubborn as a mule and the mother of girls which drives me rather than brave but thank you. It’s felt oddly calming to know some remember, it’s like a solidarity which helps me stay strong and focused on why I’m doing this, instead of broken and panicky which is how he left me. I don’t want to give him that, he doesn’t get more than the time he took, he gets nothing else, he isn’t worthy of it. I want it to only fundamentally change me in a positive way I can control, I miss my naivety and how “nice” I was, but embrace the solidity and strength instead. Time and age give us that anyway, so he plays no part.

To PP no he’s not in the police, he just shouldn’t be walking our streets, there is no way that was his first time so he needs to be stopped it’s that simple for me. It’s also morphed into a battle with the system, it’s not just about him, it’s about the injustice, the victim blaming, the “too difficult” box they put these cases in, the enforcement in the change of law around the rough sex defence, about education of officers on what is and isn’t consent, I can’t change it all, but I can’t let it lie as it is, it’s not right.

Thank you all again.

OP posts:
SayYouDontMind · 07/04/2022 08:44

You are a true hero. I'm sorry you've had to fight so hard but thank you. And thank you for coming back and updating. Wishing you good luck and strength for the next phase Flowers

BacklashBacklash · 07/04/2022 11:02

I think I remember too. Well done, and I'm so sorry you had to fight so hard to get it this far.

Mycatsgoldtooth · 07/04/2022 11:05

I remember you. I’m so glad to hear you were finally believed. Absolutely shocking it’s taken so long and you’ve had to fight so hard. Flowers

Monitaurus · 07/04/2022 22:43

Well done for pursuing your case. It is difficult to keep going, but we are behind you. And thank you for coming here and letting us know. Yes the CWJ is great and well worth supporting.