TW - He’s been charged - very very old thread update

[Backandforthandnow]

Hi all, sorry username change as I haven’t been on here for about a year, can’t remember which one I posted under.

There may be none of you here now who remember, but in 2018 I was the victim of a brutal rape, under the guise of niche, violent and sick BDSM. Which I had no interest in and did not agree to.

Over the time it happened, and the years after you guys were here for me, after having the case rejected on very spurious grounds, evidence lost, the rough sex and silly woman thrown at me constantly someone on here referred me to the Centre For Women’s Justice and I really wish I could remember the username of the member but I was traumatised at the time.

Anyway if there are any who remember, with their enormous support all the way, and that of my local MP I have fought this for 4 years.

This week, after review by the independent CPS body, I finally have the validation I’m not insane, complying to survive was not my fault, being hospitalised with various injuries and having months of physio is not the normal outcome of a date.

They have chosen to charge this man with 6 counts.

I won’t say anymore because I don’t want to give any details that could jeopardise, but I do want to say thank you.

It’s a long road from here to remove this man from the streets he shouldn’t have been on for 4 years and there are no guarantees. But from your support hopefully a tiny change will be made in the system, maybe some lessons will be learned.

So if any of you remember then thank you, thank you for being there during one of the darkest moments of life.

If any of you are seeking a charity to support to help women who have no where else to turn then please consider the CWJ because I can’t repay them for all they have given me in practical legal fights but also in kindness and understanding.

The newspaper article states that you say he broke you.

But I am in awe of your strength.

Thank you for being so brave and strong and persistent in seeking justice and making the world a safer place for the rest of us. I am appalled at both the crime and the way you were treated, repeatedly, afterwards.

I can’t remember the last time I saw such strength. 💐

You're amazing in so many ways, OP.

In your first post on this thread you give a shout-out to the Centre for Women's Justice and I will certainly be finding a way to donate to them.

Thank you for not giving up and for making a difference.

Wow OP what a brave, strong and tenacious woman you are
Thanks for not giving up
Best Wishes for the future 🌷🌷

Bloody hell! It is appalling that it took so much for you to be believed and for this awful human being to be prosecuted. Thank you for persevering despite the suffering this must have caused. Hope you can now begin to heal and move forward with your life. 💐

Thank you for remaining strong and having the courage to take it all the way to prosecution

Thank you OP for having the courage and tenacity to see this through brings some comfort to know you have justice part of me still wishes my DD had been able to tell her truth take real good care of yourself 💐

Thank you so much from me too, I can't begin to imagine what this wait must have felt. You are incredibly strong, and I really hope you can start to get closure. 💐

I wish you all the best with the job application!

Thank you for your strength and bravery. x

What a horrific ordeal you have been through. I'm crying tears of rage for you.

What a shero you are to not give up and fight over and over to have this vile man brought to justice.

Please take care of yourself.

Well done, and I'm so sorry that it took so long and so much effort. It's disgusting what the legal system does to women.

You are truly amazing. Thank you for your strength and tenacity to get justice for yourself and for all women and girls. It is so utterly depressing that you had to fight so hard.

I hope he is treated very very nastily in prison.

I don't have enough words for how brave and strong you are, and how grateful I am that your actions are literally going to make the world safer for women.

Thank you.

Thankyou so much for your update OP.

You are a very brave lady and I hope you can eventually heal.
Wishing you love and luck for the future

Tears reading this.

If only there were more women like you OP. You inspire us all to do and be better.

Thank you as a mother of two daughters.

I truly hope you can heal.

What a woman you are OP! Wishing you well for your future - I truly hope you can put this behind you.

OP you are amazing, I am in awe at your resilience and tenacity. He didn’t break you and this does not define you, but it does now define him. I wish you continued strength as you rebuild your life beyond this. May there be peace in you future.

This quote really struck me.

Had any person on the street inflicted the violence and degradation I was subjected to that night, there would have been no question as to their guilt. So to understand that as long as they rape you too, they can claim you consented to your own abuse, horrifies me

You are so strong to have continued that fight. Well done
I hope you can now start to heal xx

Brava OP! What a woman you are!

@JustineMumsnet
@BeckyAMumsnet
Please please read this thread.

Thanks, @BoreOfWhabylon.

@Backandforthandnow thank you for updating us. We have been awed by your courage throughout all of this and we are very glad to hear the outcome. We're also heartened to hear that MNers have been so supportive and extend our thanks to everyone who helped you on the boards.

Very best wishes from all of us at MNHQ.

Thank you all, I would note that while SYPolice have responded to the journalist reaching out on that article, I have not since the verdict had anyone contact me directly from SYP to apologise.

The officer who was done for misconduct was held to account by a totally different force where he had relocated. I thank that force for taking action they were not responsible for, it took them a while to get the responses and information that they needed from SYP to do so, so full credit to them.

@GoulashSoup your words around it not defining me but now defining him really hit home. Thank you I had not thought of it that way.

I remember your threads @Backandforthandnow & never forgot you. I'm in awe of your bravery & tenacity. As a mother of a daughter I thank you for all you have battled & achieved. @GoulashSoup has it - this does not define you, but it will forever define him.

I wish you peace, healing & happiness going forward

OP I am in a letter writing mode. I will write to the SYP PCC this week, and ask them to apologise to you.

https://southyorkshire-pcc.gov.uk/

Brave.

I remember you well- and the things that should not have happened being compounded by even more things that should never have happened.

Your sustained courage - on behalf of other women - is remarkable!

He is defined by his actions - and the reaction (at last) of his society.

You are defined by your actions - and the help you have given to your society at such cost to yourself. Like all here - I wish you a smooth path to recovery and hope that the final verdict helps a little.

SYP do owe you (and years of other women who were exposed to him) an apology. I hope you get this soon.