Experiences of men behaving badly: want to share

[NewPage]

Just reflecting on all the recent press about misogyny and male violence against women. The argument many men give is that they are not like that, though don’t understand what ‘like that means’. So the new campaign out in Scotland is a refreshing change.

My experiences from age 5:

• on way to toilet age 5, man is trespassing in school with his penis in his hand. I am alone and he asks me where the toilets are and can I take him. Later, during police interview female officer tells me off for referring to his penis as a willy and not using the proper word, penis. I am 5 years old.

• on school bus, age 8. Lorry driver out of window starts to mouth the word ‘f#ck’ and miming kisses at me.

• age 16 on a night out, man rubs against me on the dance floor with his erect penis. Kept following me around and wouldn’t leave me.

• age 20 at a party and my female friend tells me someone asking for me upstairs. I go up and there is a guy we know who them locks door and says he won’t open it unless I kiss him.

• age 27, news get backs to me that a guy at work in a management position tells everyone he doesn’t like me and is going to make my life (at work) hard

• age 35, group of us talking about violence against women and male in group says we’ve nothing to worry about because we’re a bit old so no one would bother us

These are all just everyday experiences that come to mind. Others too but I wanted to share. What has happened to you? Why don’t you share? Sending everyone hugs xx

I’ve been flashed at aged 10, on my way home from school. Flashed at whilst riding my horse aged 15. Heard my dad continually refer to women as “split arses” and endless pontification from him about abortion shouldn’t happen without the man’s consent and how women where oppressing men whenever they tried to assert themselves. Constantly cat called as an older teenager. Pretty much every time I went out. Went on until my 40s. Horrible misogynistic (sp) comments when sitting outside a pub in my early 20s by some Hells Angels which terrified me. Followed and threatened around the city centre in my 20s. Police took that one very seriously. Flashed at again in my 20s Groped in night clubs countless times, one time had my breast grabbed painfully and god knows how I got away from him. Male friends getting into bed with me after parties. Didn’t force themselves on me but would sleepily cop a feel.

Some of these weren’t bad men overall. My dad was flawed but I really missed him. My friends probably thought it was ok to try it on. That’s what really gets to me; how normal a lot of men think this behaviour is.

Sorry. No paragraphs. Clearly on a bit of a rant.

Have you got 5 hours to listen to mine OP? Truth is I don't like men much any more.

Forgot some. Getting kerb crawled by punters whenever I walked home in whatever time of day or night. I did live in the red light area, but this was the late 80s and I was heavily into grunge and looked it and clearly going about my business and not looking for work. They just did it because they could.

The girls on the corners who were looking for work would look out for each other and us locals. Eventually, posses of local men patrolled the area as they got so sick of it and moved all the working girls on. Don’t know if they targeted the punters with such vigour. Those girls where always so kind when I was stumbling home drunkenly. Felt a lot safer than when the gangs of men who moved them on where roaming around and automatically yelling at me too.

At the end of this time, when it wasn’t really a red light district any more, a girl I knew got bundled into a car near my house and gang raped. Men did that, not women.

Have to agree, you don't hear about gangs of women gang raping men. Of course that will probably change soon, as selfID makes this possible, the gift that keeps on giving.

The worst seemed to during school, both in the playground and out in public. Forced groping and kissing etc would be such a regular occurance we didn't even think of it as assault.
Its important to point out to the delicate men, that we know not all men have assaulted women, but we do know that all women have probably been assaulted by a man. They'll understand then surely we treat them all with caution.

@ANameChangeAgain it is very defensive when men say "it wasn't me" instead of listening. I'm also getting fed up of hearing women and particularly feminists blamed for bad male behaviour.
I'm thinking about the men outside the Filia conference, threatening feminists because the women did such an awful thing in talking together about shared lived experiences.

@NewPage I'm sorry you've had so many trivialising and hostile responses on a thread where you opened up and made yourself vulnerable about your own experiences. I don't feel comfortable to share my own experiences due to the horrible nature of the responses you have received but I just wanted to say that I get it and I stand in solidarity with you.

Works both ways
Sexualized violence works both ways? How do you delude yourself into responding like that to a thread like this?

Women know sexualised violence works one way.

The level of aggression shown to women when they talk about it is so sad, and really highlights misogyny.

It's like women are abused, then abused for talking about the abuse.

Yes, I'm ready for a response to tell me IABU as poor delicate men go through this too.