please help me, don't let me do anything

[itisddsbirthdayandiwanttodie]

please help me
I want to die so much
I can't talk to ring up the samaritans because I can only cry
i know this looks like a stupid attention seeking thread but if I move away from the computer i;m scared of what i will do.

this is so helpful, I think I've kind of been on the wrong track by always thinking about depression and never about anxiety.

Well done for eating, well done for emailing DH. You've taken two small steps to feeling better today.

I think dh would be relieved if I saw a doctor about this - he worries a lot.

I think he would be right to be relieved, maybe he could make you an appointment and go with you?

itisddsbirthday - just read through the whole post and wanted to say hi tell you that you're not alone in feeling like this, nor are you a crap person etc etc, these are very "normal" feelings for someone with anxiety problems.

I have suffered from similar "attacks" for many years.

CBT has really helped.

This is a cycle of emotions that has been triggered by what sounds like complete idiots at your work. The thing is, you have been through similar "episodes" before and you KNOW that these feelings do pass. but that doesn't stop them being terrifying when they are here. These are horrible emotions, but that is what they are - an emotional reaction to something. This emotion will not MAKE you do anything like harm yourself. It just feels terrifying because you fear you might (and then that fear makes you feel more anxious etc etc).

Great that you have contacted DH and great that you are eating something - low blood sugar actually does have a role!

Agree with the posts about tricks and tools to wind down/ground yourself.

I found a method that really worked (suggested in by the hospital) was to lie down on my back and begin to focus on different things about my body:

1. your arms - think about how they feel, do they feel heavy against the floor/bed etc

1. same with your legs - "feel" and think about each part of your body

1. when you are starting to feel calm, begin to focus on your breathing. focus on the in breath and the out breath and how your chest or stomach rise. imagine the air flowing into your lungs etc.

This all sounds naff I know, but its just a way to move the mind out of anxiety and into a slightly more calm state.

Once you are feeling a little less physically paniked, begin to consider the trigger for your emotions:

What made you feel like this? (you have pinpointed it I think - the letter)

Then think about the kind of emotions it triggered:

Did it make you feel guilty? Sad? Worried etc?

The try to rationally explain to yourself why these emotional reactions were not "correct". You did not need to feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are a good person etc etc. (Above all, don't blame yourself for having the emotions though, this is just a wrong "groove" of emotions that your brain has switched into. that is ok. That is waht this kind of rational thinking (i.e. CBT) can really help with).

This is kind of how I fix myself - sorry if I have gone on! Like I said - I have many years of dealing with similar. It does get better!

Am at work, so can't post much (and hence all the typos), but thinking of you x x x

oh dear I can't fin the lead

well here's 10 rules for coping with panic

1. Remember panic feelings are only normal reactions that are exaggerated- they are not dangerous

1. They are not harmful and nothing worse will happen. The feelings will soon pass.

1. Notice what is happening in your body now. Stay with the present. Slow down, relax, but keep going.

1. Thinking about what might happen is unhelpful. Only now matters.

1. Accept the feelings. Let them run through you and they will disappear more quickly. Try not to fight the panic. Float over it.

1. Monitor your level of anxiety: 10 (worst) to 0 (least). Watch the level go down.

1. Stay in the situation. If you run away, avoid or escape, it will be more difficult in the future.

1. Take a few breaths. Breathe from your stomach- say the word 'calm' as you breathe out.

1. Consciously relax your tense muscles. Feel yourself relaxing. Drop your shoulders.

10. Now begin to concentrate on what you were doing before. Slowly move on when you are ready.

Panic attacks occur in 5% of the population. They are defined by a sudden onset of intense apprehension fear or terror accompanied by physical symptoms and thoughts.

The situation is further complicated by the fact that when most people have a panic attack, their natural reaction is to try and leave the situation as quickly as possible. In extremes this can result in suicidal thoughts. Fight or flight is taken to its furthest reach as the person desperately tries to leave the situation and prevent their negative thoughts from coming true.

Gah - my post came out as a typo riddled mush of how CBT can work... just take from it that I am thinking of you and that all of what you are going through, though horrid, is ok and does not mean you are mad or stupid or anything like that.

x x x

Well done for posting this. Please hang in there.

Losing your job can feel like an all consuming knock as so much of our identity is tied up with what we do. But it's not all of who you are. Please be a bit easier on yourself... you sound amazing to me - did you say you're writing a book? And looking after 3 DCs? Impressive, I'd say.

I'm back and reminded by my DP to drink orange juice for my own current adrenaline come down apparently it helps get rid of the adrenaline you get left with in your system (the very delightful Portofino's DH suggested it to me and it seems to work)

Any word from DH yet?

Are you there, OP?

just been talking to dh on phone

ok? and how do you feel now?

going to go and have a bath to try and get warm , back soon

I'll be here around til about 4.15.

The CBT points are true, it can really help you understand what has triggered the way you are feeling. You can do it for yourself.

Situation- who? what? when? where?

Moods- what did you feel? Rate each mood in intensity

Automatic Thoughts- what was going through your mind just before you started to feel this way? Any other negative thoughts? Any images in your mind?

Challenges- now you need to challenge your negative thoughts:

What is the evidence?
what evidence do I have to support my thoughts? What evidence do I have against them?

What alternative views are there?
How would somewone else view this situation? How would I have viewed this in the past?

What is the effect of thinking the way I do?
Does it help me or hinder me from getting what I want? How?

What thinking error am I making?

• Am I thinking in all-or-nothing terms? ignoring the middle ground

-Am I catastrophising?- overestimating the chances of disaster

• Am I personalising? - blaming myself for something that is not my fault

-Am I focusing on the negative? -looking on the dark side, ignoring my strengths

-Am I jumping to conclusions? predicting the future and mind reading

-Am I living by fixed rules? -fretting about how things ought to be; overusing the words should, must and can't

What action can I take?
What can I do to change my situation for the better? Am I overlooking solutions to problems on the assumption they won't work?

What is the worst possible outcome?
What is the worst possible thing that happen?
How bad would that really be?

I have to leave in a bit to do the school run, but must persuade DD to put some pants and trousers on first which may take the half hour I've got til then.

Enjoy your bath and I'll be back on later to check that DH is home and you are feeling a bit better (and maybe to nag you about making that docs appointment).

OP I'll be back later on too. You're OK. You're not alone. You will be OK, your children need you. Challenge your negative thoughts, this is not the end of your career at all. There is always, always a way forward.

warmer now but shaking too much to type easily, still very low & wishing life had an off switch (but not going round the house looking for one IYSWIM).

Crumpette - you are much better at describing CBT techniques than me!

OP - bath sounds great. Should really relax you. Its fantastic that you are taking positive steps to make yourself feel better (contacting DH, eating, bath) and moving away from the catastrophic and negative thoughts. It sounds like the "wave" of anxiety is beginning to recede already. Well done!!!

How are you feeling after your bath? Better I hope.

have asked dh to make doctors appointment
he's at his best as a man of action

Its good to hear the symptoms you were describing earlier are receeding and it's very normal that you feel fragile.

If you can manage to eat some more do so, even something like milky hot chocolate or coffee?

What time are you expecting DH home?

Sounds like you have a very lovely DH there

Wishing for the off switch is just an extention of wishing the thoughts would go away and wanting to flee from the situtation. This "flee" instinct is a natural reation - it has just gone into overdrive for you at the moment. Anxiety attacks do this.

Horrible and HARD as it is, a combination of (a) "riding the wave" of the emotions and thuoghts, safe in the knowledge that you will not "go mad" or do anything crazy (this is usually my fear - that I am having a nervous breakdown and/or will end my life) becasue anxiety attacks do not mean or cause madness or suicide; and (b) once you are slightly more under control (by using breathing or grounding techniques - whatever works) rationalising the trigger, emotion and "wrong" reaction or thought pattern that caused the attack - Crumpette's e-mail about CBT is great and clearer then mine - WILL help and make this better.

x x x