please help me, don't let me do anything

[itisddsbirthdayandiwanttodie]

please help me
I want to die so much
I can't talk to ring up the samaritans because I can only cry
i know this looks like a stupid attention seeking thread but if I move away from the computer i;m scared of what i will do.

Don't worry about collapsing into sobs - DH will realise how strong you are being by asking for help.

My DP always knows how bad stuff is for me if I actually manage to ask for help.

You might be surprised that DH may have guessed you're not feeling 100% already and be at work worrying but not wanting to bother you.

Let him come home and help, you really need a big cuddle. Once you've done it you will be able to get on with celebrating DD's day and that will help.

Academia is a very unsympathetic environment to mothers.

I think you must be right about panic attack.
my heart was thumping so much and I was shaking and went freezing cold.

how can a psychiastrist help heading4home?

I still havent phoned dh but on the plus side I pulled myself together enough to answer the door to the postwoman.

DP is an academic and employment law specialist and worked for the samaritans for years- he says it is fine to call them and just cry, cry cry

Also I know from experience that if you are not feeling safe, you can walk into an A&E department anywhere and they will help you. They won't wheel you off anywhere, they will jelp you, talk to you, keep you safe.

Your children need you.

If it would help, I can give you DP's number/email

Otherwise, ring samaritans. It is fine to cry and shout and scream if you want.

This won't mean you won't be able to work again, this could be constructive dismissal. It is not the end of your career.

Yay for the postwoman

For panic attacks beta blockers can be really helpful because they deal with the physical symptoms and the release of adrenaline which just escalates it all up.

to publish prolifically you need long periods of sustained work to let your ideas mature etc. It is so incredibly difficult to do this while you are juggling such a young family, along with pregnancies, illness and maternity leave. My former PI, who is now absolutely at the top of her field in a very very senior job, published slowly for 10 years while her DCs were young. Fortunately, she did not have an HoD like yours.

You are not bad at your job. You just need a bit of time and understanding. Any half way decent HoD would understand this and support you.

I actually used to be on beta blockers for a physical thing (essential tremor) - was advised not to take thme while pregnant and breastfeeding (my youngest is 8 months).

My psychiatrist helped first by saying "You have an anxiety disorder" because this immediately helped me to stop thinking of myself a just being a crap and useless person/mother who couldn't cope.

He didn't prescribe me any medication, but he could have done if I had wanted it.

He did some CBT and also some digging to see what was triggering me in particular, but without dwelling on the problem, more looking for solutions.

He taught me some relaxation techniques as well.

Did you do much CBT in your counselling before? It is really helpful to know the techniques when your mind starts spiralling off into that awful, terrifying, panic state. The feelings of wanting to die are an extreme form of "fight or flight" (IMO).

I have to go (must actually do some work!) but will be back later to see how you are doing. I really hope you keep posting and call your dh.

I have had an anxiety disorder. Panic attacks are awful. If you're in the middle of one, or feeling really weird and like you're not safe, it helps to do the following:

look around you and identify 5 things that you can see and name

then go over them again

eg sitting here I can see

chair
clock
tv
statue
light

or outside,

sign
bench
traffic lights
church
restaurant

then you look and name them all again- it's very 'grounding'

Oh, yes, definitely a panic attack.

I used to get them and together with a feeling of, well, a panic, it also felt like there was a dark hole about to swallow me up, plus that weird feeling of heaviness on my chest, deep depressed feeling-horriblr, horrible.

Good news is that they can be dealt with.

Give your GP a call, perhaps CBT would be good (and perhaps better than taking ADs).

I am still freezing cold, I've put a blanket round me now.
Haven't had anything to eat today - good point.

so the feeling suicidal is just part of a panic attack?

thank you all so much xxx

I don't think anyone is saying that feeling suicidal is part of a panic attack
Just that this may have triggered a panic attack which could be the source of some of the physical symptoms.

Try to eat a bite of something of you can, it will help

Well, I would say that because you are having panic attacks, there are underlying issues iyswim, maybe stress, anxiety, lack of self-confidence etc. Maybe depression that you deal well usually.

But, yes, as someone else said, it could be the fight or flight syndrome.

In any case, definitely see a specialist.

Well, I would say that because you are having panic attacks, there are underlying issues iyswim, maybe stress, anxiety, lack of self-confidence etc. Maybe depression that you deal well with usually.

But, yes, as someone else said, it could be the fight or flight syndrome.

In any case, definitely see a specialist.

Ooops.

It is more common for a panic attack to make you feel like you are dying (heart attack etc) rather than make you want to die.

Remember what i said earlier - don't tell yourself you're ok now. Panic attack or not, feeling you will do something awful when you leave the computer is not normal, good or acceptable (in terms of your well being)

In my view you still need urgent help.

Chocolate,or a yoghurt. Sometimes chewing is too hard.

From a non-medical point of view I have found that the suicidal thoughts come alongside the panic attack.Mainly I think because it seems the only way to escape the situation about which you are panicking.

But it is not the only, and is the worst, escape.Mumsnet has become another, more useful escape route for me.

anxiety and depression are entirely separate but can present together and often are interlinked and yes a panic attack can trigger the sudden onset feelings that you've described

My advice above, to find 5 things you can see. If you feel really bad, the best way is to find 5 things that you can see- hear- feel. Then work down to 4 things. Then 3 things. Then 2 things. Then 1 thing that you can see- hear and feel.

Does that make sense? It's about winding down and grounding yourself.

I'm eating an overripe banana that ds would have rejected (typical mummy emoticon).

have emailed dh and told him he can look at this thread.

Very good call on both of those - send him a text to let him know you've emailed him.

I'm now off to follow my own advice and get some lunch. Back shortly - hang in there.

well done for having something to eat. It's really good that you can show your DH this, and he can help you.

I have a very useful booklet here, called 'anxiety management' from the priory (don't ask!!) you can't buy it but it's really great. If I find my printer/scanner cable I will scan all the pages into a document and link to it

you can get through this

crumpette that 5 thing makes total sense. In certain situations I have done a sort of version of that by writing down random things around me as a way of distracting myself.