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Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

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Original poster

so low i could die

68 replies

tazzycat25 · 14/07/2005 15:51

hi all, new here. i had my second son on the 20th june now im diagnosed with pnd for the second time. my oldest son is now 2 his birthday was on the 12th june so not much of a gap there. im crying when my oldest son screams, he has tantrums big time, im getting scared of him, he was my one and only now i feel like ive stuffed up, letting him down he wont get all the attention he once had. ive not been out since i registered my new born, getting scared to go out really. im under a mental health team now but they was no good last time round. im loseing a battle now. im a self harmer and also suffered with anorexia. the birth was very quick got to the hospital at 9 pm by 10 20 pm he was born then i had to go to thearter to have my placenta re moved as it diidnt come out. lost a lod of blood my hb was only 7 now around 9. im feeling really bad, ive left my hubby to stay with my parents for a while but its so hectic here im loseing it. most of the time i feel i should just die and leave everyone cus its best all round if i did.

OP posts:

colditz · 28/07/2005 23:49

tazzycat are you still here?

Nbg · 28/07/2005 23:51

Are you staying on Colditz?

colditz · 28/07/2005 23:52

I have to go to bed. I am quite worried about tazzycat now, and tazzycat if you are reading please come and tell us that you are ok, or tell us what you are going to do.

Nbg · 28/07/2005 23:54

I was going to go to bed too.

Tazzycat, if you don't want to call A&E ring your mum and dad, get them over and go in the morning.

colditz · 28/07/2005 23:56

Stay with us and log this thread in the morning tazzycat, please tell us how things are with you.

pnd is awful.

Nbg · 28/07/2005 23:59

I'll check in the morning too TC.

Call your dh and get him home though and if he won't then please call your mum. You might feel a bit better when you see them.

ETsmum · 29/07/2005 08:39

Tazzycat are you around?? Or has anyone heard from her this am??

Nbg · 29/07/2005 10:00

Hi tazzycat.

How are you this morning?
I can't really stay on today but please keep posting. There are lots of fantastic people here for you to talk to.

Take care.

Original poster

tazzycat25 · 02/08/2005 16:20

sorry im worrying everyone, but things havent changed at all. im so alone in this hell hole ive created myself. nothing anyone can do about it, its not just pnd its other stuff too that will never be dealt with as long as i live, and i know it will always be there getting at me time and time again makeing my feel this way. a long time a go i was no longer wanted and its happening again, more so then before. i dont feel wanted or needed but to change nappies all day long and have no mates as they got sick of me and now i dont hear from anyone of them cus they r sick of my shit. i have no one i can really open up to as i know if i do they will not wanna know me at all cus they soon get sick of it. i know when i need to go and things aint working out cus im usless, a shit mother and wife and skivvy and anything else i can think of. im no good for anyone, im a no body and always have been. but sorry im worrying u guys. im trying my best to saty around but its so damn hard.

OP posts:

colditz · 04/08/2005 22:10

Hve you been to see your Dr yet Tazzycat?

Nbg · 04/08/2005 22:18

You are wanted TC.

Your kids want you for a start and what about your mum and dad.

Please please please go and get some help, be it from your GP, HV, mum and dad, Dh. You need to talk.

Original poster

tazzycat25 · 05/08/2005 00:02

ive been to the docs. been sent to the mental health team and now under a cpn c how that goes but theres more to it then pnd. saw my hv today and shes worried about me as my anorexia may have come back too. its all going on now but still i dont feel any better

OP posts:

Nbg · 07/08/2005 00:42

Oh I'm really pleased you've got some help TC.
It will take time for you to start feeling better but getting help is the first step. Well done.
Keep posting if it helps you in any way or if you need any advice. Even if you just need a shoulder to cry on or just to chat. There will always be someone to talk to.

jabberwocky · 07/08/2005 01:14

TC, please hang in there. I know a bit how you feel as I was extremely suicidal after having ds. Now that he is 2 I am better, but still on AD's, still have days I feel like a shit mother and wife and have a spectacular bruise on my hand from hitting the wall a few days ago. Please just try to take it a bit at a time. I have run screaming out of the house myself a time or two. One thing that I found to be helpful was to convince myself to just not do anything rash for one hour, then I would go an hour more. Because there was still part of me that knew that it does get better, you can climb out of that hole.

Thinking of you...

Tortington · 07/08/2005 01:16

i have a friend who sounds exactly like you - she has a rough time and her weight went down to 7 stone - she looked unwell.

pleased to say she went on a massage therapy course arranged by the local mental health team, she loves it - has signed up for more, made new friends and things have turned around.

not much help - but hope serves as a nice story

jollymum · 07/08/2005 08:48

Hey, still there? Welcome to mumsnet. I wish I could help you...maybe someone nearer London could be a "friend"? You are doing so well in getting help but reading between the lines, this is a long term thing and you need and deserve loads of help. Keep asking, keep going to the docs etc and keep remembering that however horrible you are to the kids, whatever nasty things you might say, tell them sorry, mummy's feeling ill and that you love them. Kids forget nasty words, because whatever happens, kids know (usually) that they're loved. If you didn't love them and want help, you wouldn't be here. Hope you're OK, lovexxxxxx

Original poster

tazzycat25 · 14/08/2005 22:58

im feeling so bad and suicidal right now. i cut my arm today with a blade cus i cant handle being fat im now 9 half stone when i was 10 a few weeks ago. i hate being this way and such a turn off and i want this blood to stop, dont even know if its a period or not or just cus im stressed out and its normal after a baby but not for 7 weeks. ive gone mad and really want out right now.

OP posts:

jayzmummy · 14/08/2005 23:00

tazzycat....is anyone there with you?

jayzmummy · 14/08/2005 23:09

tazzycat...are you OK????

steffee · 14/08/2005 23:15

Tazzycat, can you go to A&E?

jayzmummy · 14/08/2005 23:31

Tazzycat are you there???

monkeytrousers · 14/08/2005 23:36

You're in good hands here Tazzy. Take care!

MrsGordonRamsay · 14/08/2005 23:41

Tazzycat

If you don't want to speak to "us" any more, please please please seek help locally.

monkeytrousers · 14/08/2005 23:44

Is anyone near her?

puff · 14/08/2005 23:46

Tazzycat - if you've been referred to your local mental health team, hopefully they will have given you a 24 hour helpline number? If so, please, please ring them.

I know it's very very hard, but please try to be honest with them about just how bad you are feeling. You need help, but you must try to reach out for it - I know that can be very hard, but please try.

If you don't have a number to ring tonight, please try to hold on and ring them first thing tomorrow.

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