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Mental health

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Original poster

I am totally struggling today. Will someone just chit chat to me please.

147 replies

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 13:14

Would be hugely appreciated.

OP posts:
IcantThinkOfaNickname · 25/04/2009 19:23

Hi Muffinbaker.

I'm new to the site, but I just wanted to wish you well and let you know that you're not alone in feeling as you do. I went through a really bad time just before christmas and went through thoughts like you. I totally thought that my DH and DC would all be better off without me as I felt like I was making life crap for everyone. Just try and focus on the positive things in your life and try and get through this bad time for those you love.

Thinking of you.

xx

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 19:26

Thank you.

I have problems with self control and I am going to remove the temptation. So obvious now but couldn't come up with a solution before.

OP posts:
BibiThree · 25/04/2009 19:36

Hey MB, Just caught this thread. I too have had terrible times, albeit not as low as you feel at the moment but things do and will get better. You asking for company, comfort and support on here is a step, a good one and hopefully one that helps you. Mn is fantastic for that.
Have you a favourite film on dvd you can watch in favour of the housework/chores and have a night off. It might only bring you a bit of happiness for 2 hours, but doing something small for yourself can make a big difference. Sorry if this sounds patronising, but I find when i'm down even something silly like making myself a pot of tea rather than just a mug can help a tiny bit. Feeling like I'm worth something to myself.
Hope you feel a bit lighter soon, and your gastric flu goes away sharpish. {{hugs}}}

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 19:38

Just waiting for DS1 to go to bed and then I am off downstairs to see DH and see if we can find something to watch together.

I think I have moaned too much on here about the same stuff though.

OP posts:
Gentle · 25/04/2009 20:15

Muffin, that's all sounding a lot more settled. Good for you.

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 20:17

Feeling rather ashamed and embarrassed now but sadly not relieved I didn't finish my life.

OP posts:
Gentle · 25/04/2009 20:28

No need to feel ashamed and embarrassed Muffin.

LadyOfWaffle · 25/04/2009 21:05

Don't be embarrassed!

Hold onto the 'future image' of you being well etc. Surely if you could chose that or... not being here, you would choose that? We just need to get you there And you can and you will.

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 21:22

Hard to imagine as can't remember when i was last well

OP posts:
proudestmummyever · 25/04/2009 22:04

Muffinbaker, you were on SN board, think you answered a thread of mine earlier?

I hope yr feeling bettr, you are worth soo much, no matter hw bad u feel do not do anythng silly. PLS

I know, believe me, I have bn there, bn nearly sectioned etc after having youngest child, suffer from sevre ocd and depression, and as u saw on my post today, my Ds Jack, 2's seizures are way outta control and I dread getting up believe me, but keep strong. If I can do it you can, I am here anytime you wanna talk Pls let me knw hw u are, on hre or SN board

xxxxx

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 09:24

Thank you.

I was feeling last night that I could do with being in hospital tbh.

OP posts:
proudestmummyever · 26/04/2009 10:12

Hi muffinbaker are you ok 2day? xxx

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 10:14

Still feeling suicidal tbh.

Feel like I am going round in circles and don't know how to get off. I also know only I can do it.

OP posts:
proudestmummyever · 26/04/2009 10:41

Is there any way you could go to yr local hospital and be seen? Or do u not feel u can do tht?

I know what you mean about going round in circles, I feel like that everyday, are u on meds?

xxxx

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 10:43

Don't really want to go to hospital as I have an awful bug. Am on meds. Have to be here to look after the kids tmw as dh has to work.

OP posts:
proudestmummyever · 26/04/2009 10:45

Right....what about calling the gp? Do yr kids go to school? xxx

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 10:47

tbh i think my problem at the moment is emotional rather than mental and i have to do this alone.

OP posts:
proudestmummyever · 26/04/2009 10:51

ok....is there anything I can do to help??xx

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 11:01

Thanks

i know it is only me that can fix this

all i can think off is finishing things

OP posts:
littlelamb · 26/04/2009 11:11

MB why don't you get out into the sunshine today? It always makes me feel much better and I think you know that sitting in front of a computer all day won't help.

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 11:17

i can barely walk tbh

i am in bed just thinking what i need to do

OP posts:
proudestmummyever · 26/04/2009 11:38

What do you mean by "what i need to do"?

I hope with all my heart you don't mean ending things....and pls don't think like ths, you have so much to live for...yr kids for one thing, I get really bad a lot, and especially with my Ds,age 2, as he has a tough time, and if I ever think like ths I think, what would my 2 kids do without me? Especially Jack... Believe me I have bn there many times, my pyschologist advised me to get busy, like do housework, go for a walk with buggy....etc etc.

And bk when I was really bad I literally could not move from the couch, my son was weeks old, and was also suffering from severe PND which of course made my OCD go thru the roof, he was crying and I could not go get him, luckily my cousin was in at the time and went to get him...very dark time, can't even tell u what I was thinking

But I had to DRAG myself out and just gettn ready was enought to make me cry buckets...

But when I was out other things took my mind off it, I too used to sit in and stare at my computer, my family helped me immensely and my pyschologist, have u saw any1?

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 11:43

TBH I do want ti end my life but the reality is I am fairly sure I won't. I have tried and that is something I now have to live with along with the desire to try again.

I am allowing some people to cause me pain and I know it is because I have no real local friends, so bad is better than nothing. It really isn't though, is it?

I still feel too ill to get out of bed but tomorrow I will have to and tomorrow is my new start. I can't keep going on like this. I know people are getting frustrated with me posting like this all the time. I am sure a lot of those people have no idea at all what it is to be me but it doesn't change the fact that I am frustrating myself as well.

I flipping well will get through this or I may as well give up now. And that isn't an option.

OP posts:
proudestmummyever · 26/04/2009 11:52

Thts right muffinbaker!! Keep thinking like tht , I used to swear at the severe thoughts I had with Ocd "Fuck off, you damn well will not beat me" keep sayin tht over n over in yr head, other ppl do get frustrated, but they don't know, yr absolutely right, I DO know, unfortunately, I mean, I really was at a very dark time and wantd to die etc etc.
Can remember being out in car with my Dp and saw a tree and thinkin "I soo wish it would fall on the car and tht would be the end of all ths shit, no more horrible thoughts etc" I truly wanted that to happen....

U WILL get thru this I promise!!

Really if I did, you soo can, I was very bad

I will be here 4 u every step of the way...my email is [email protected] just if u like, no pressure

proudestmummyever · 26/04/2009 11:54

And absolutely do NOT let any1 cause u pain, u do not need it, ths is about u getting and feelin better..... bugger every1 else