I am totally struggling today. Will someone just chit chat to me please.

[MuffinBaker]

Would be hugely appreciated.

have depression
on drugs
the pain is physical as i have gastric flu and a stomach upset
and a pain in my heart area when i think about my problem
i feel i am a waste of space
how mnay times can i go through this fgs
only one thing i can see to fix it

kids back at 6

can't talk to dh
he has had enough from me over the years

hey mb
am thinking of you
xxx

when are you back at the docs mb?

don't know but within 2 months
have first psychotherapy appt on may 12th
doc can't help with this

Muffinbaker, why do you believe the doctors can't help? I've had real problems with depression and eds in the past and if I hadn't had help from them I know I would probably still be suffering. You have to go into it with the right mindset which I know is far easier said than done

Sorry shopping arrived .

I bet you are not sleeping well atm either which will not be helping you .

I am really sorry you feel so crap I don't know what to say just want to let you know we are all here and listening .

because it is emotional not physical

i don't sleep well anyway but last few nights have been worse since i got this bug or virus or what the hell it is
kids aren't here and i haven't seen hubby for more than a minute today

Muffin, if doctors just dealt with physical illnesses they would be out of a job (or the waiting lists would at least be much shorter )
Do you have the number of the samaritans? I know it's hard when you are in the thick of it, but honestly you have an appointment, which is a positive first step. It will be completely wasted if you are so set in thinking that they can't help you. The very fact that you're posting here show that you do want help

i am going for a bit
see what dh is going
then to slap myself
hard

Don't slap yourself. The psychotherapist will help a lot. He/she will guide you as to the next step. my best friend saw one recently and just the first visit helped her.

Do you have a local rl friend you can visit? OOr Might be nice if you and dh could go for a walk?

meant or

i went down, dh asked how i was, i said crap and he said go back to bed i just wanted to see him
can't go out, no friends anyway, but need to be near a bathroom (sorry for tmi)

Men sometimes don't know what to say. The bug won't be helping all your vitamins will be going straight through you so that'll make you worse. Can you get some complan or something?

he made me some risotto soup but i cant eat much

dh is fed up with me

I mean this in the kindest possible way MB, but it can be very difficult to know how to love someone who doesn't love themself. I doubt very much he is fed up of 'you' but it is entirely possible that he doesn't know how to act when you feel so low. Is there any chance he could go to the appointments with you so you can both talk properly?

was just sat in the bathroom thinking i want to do and i am going to do it

I think you may need to see a psychiatric nurse now if you're thinking like this. Your kids and dh need you and you're worth living. You owe it to them at least to get help. When you're very depressed you can't think clearly.
Does dh know you're suicidal?

I have to go now but am thinking of you x

MB perhaps I am not the best person to be on this thread considering how you're feeling, but as someone whose mum did kill herself when I was a teenager, I am begging you to choose any other path but that. I can go into detail about the impact of her act on us all if you like, but for the moment will just say that the fallout from what she did has never stopped and will never stop. It poisoned our family. Please get help.

i just feel the kids are young enough to get over it and will be better off without me.

i don't feel the same strong feeling to do it right now but it scares me that i have felt like this a few times before in a short space of time.

No one gets over it. You will fuck up their lives forever. Sorry to be blunt but it's the truth.

I've had almost 20 years to 'get over it'. Would you like to hazard a guess as to whether I have or not?

do you a crisis team? I think you really need to talk to someone if its going beyond feeling depressed to that stage of planning etc. am back & forth sorry & bouncing baby on knee where are you?