I have to go ut in 10 minutes but I really need a hug and for someone else to be me.. get the kids, etc etc but there is no one

[Nabster]

here

can't stop crying

Are you back yet, Nab?

Just going to walk the dog (crikey, this is turning into A Day In The Life Of Dollius), but will check in when I get back.

Hope it went well.

I'm still checking in too, are you back yet?

Hi Nabster

Just caught up with today - glad you got an appointment and that it went well. I'm just off for counselling now, but will check in later on to see if you've posted about how it went.

Just got back. The doctor is so lovely and doesn't rush you at all which means you are always late in. He was on the phone to the hospital pretty much straight away as he wasn't sure what to do. He has told them they must ring me today. I was hoping they wouldn't ring while I was in Asda!

DH will be home at 1.30pm and I am torn between going ot bed for the afternoon and getting busy cleanng the house. Will keep me occupied and will feel good when it looks better.

Definitely get some sleep. Please don't do housework, you need to avoid anything that will put strain on you.

So glad the doctor took this seriously. Let us know what happens next.

So glad you got heard by a good GP. Hope the hospital get in touch soon.

Don't overdo it on the cleaning - I have a tendency to think I'm better keeping busy, do too much, then completely crash and burn. But I know it also feels better when things are a bit ordered. Could you use a timer and do 15 minutes and then go for a rest?

x-posted with dollius

You sound much more positive, that's fab! Do whatever makes you feel better, and I hope they phone soon with some constructive ideas. And you're right, staying occupied is a good idea, just do whatever you feel like doing. Isn't DH coming home soon?

I'm really proud of you, don't take that the wrong way, I know how hard it is though to ask for help and be so vulnerable, when all you can think is that no-one will care and everyone will be better off without you. The more people you talk to about it the better, you are never alone.

Hospital just phoned.

Lady sounded lovely.

Have to wait for a form to be sent to me, I fill it in and send it back and then they decide what is best for me.

She told me to phone or go to A&E if I felt suicidal again.

DS2 is going to bed in 40 minutes or so and then I am going to do half an hours chores before DH does come.

Thank you all. It means so much not to be alone.

Butting in here just wanted to send unsolicited hug, must be really really hard and awful to feel how you are feeling, I sincerely hope you get the help you need. Looks like you're part of a very loving family and hope that helps. XOXO

Hugs greatfully received.

I would be lost without DH.

Thank goodness. Hope you get assessed soon.

another hug from me nabster. It really sounds like you are making some progress with getting some help. You have an illness that needs treating. Just as having chronic pain or a life threatening illness doesn't make you a rubbish human being, having depression and suicidal thoughts doesn't either.

You are getting some great advice on here. I hope it is helping.

what are these forms you have to have posted out to you? It seems a bit bizarre that someone who is quite clearly in need of acute psychiatric help has to wait for forms to be posted out, filled in and returned before they decide what to do?

I am guessing the forms will have questions on and my answers will tell them what I need.

I have been thinking about this, and can only presume that you are being kept 'safe' as you have a DH on the scene who will be with you over the weekend.

Did you tell the doc this morn that you have been feeling suicidal?

Yes. I told him I had tried, that I never thought I would and he was so lovely and I think if I remember how he was with me, and what he said, that might help me to not try again. Does that make any sense or am I being stupid again ?

nope. that makes sense. The good thing is that some progress has been made with regard to getting some real help. It must be frustrating with this bloody 'form' palaver. Make sure you get hard facts down on it, as you don't want it to be put in the 'pending' file whilst they think about it.

I am going to make DH a card.

Just want to say we are all still thinking of you. Am guessing you are having a well-deserved night without the kids and being spoilt by DH.
Hope you have a relaxing weekend, Nab. Get as much rest as you can.

Thank you.

DH made us breakfast in bed and then we went and bought some tiles for the en suite. DH has spent the afternoon preparing the room to tile tomorrow and I ironed the kid's uniform and DH's work shirts (I can count on two hands the time I have ironed!) and I have cleaned and tided DD's room.

I bought some more card making stuff as that is going to be my new hobby to keep me out of trouble.

Thanks again.