I have to go ut in 10 minutes but I really need a hug and for someone else to be me.. get the kids, etc etc but there is no one

[Nabster]

here

can't stop crying

ringing GP now

Good Nab. How was your night - did you get some sleep?

Try to find the strength to insist that this is an emergency. You must see a doctor today.

Surgery not open.

Why do you have to tell the receptionist what is wrong to get a triage to ring you back and then tell the triage to let them decide if you need an appointment or not.

Had weird dream and feel low today.

Head is a mess. Emotional heartache too at times.

DH is coming home at 1.30 and the kids are going to PIL for the night and tomorrow.

I have to go shopping and get something for our dinner.

Don't worry about the shopping - you don't need any more strain today. Your sole goal is to get through today and to get to see a doctor.

This is the plan.

Ring the doctor at 8.30 and say it is an emergency. Tell receptionist you are suicidal and have been for two weeks and that you can't wait any longer to see a doctor. Really insist. If necessary, get DH to ring up and do the talking.

Hopefully see doctor. If not ring NHS 24 and really insist to whoever you speak to that you are very ill and suicidal. That you need to see someone immediately and that you have already made one attempt. Hopefully, they will make an appointment for you.

Get through morning. Do NOT do any shopping/housework. Just have a cup of tea and try to relax.

Make sandwiches/heat up soup for lunch. No making any of your fancy stuff.

DH home at 1.30. Kids off to PIL.

Now you can decide what to do. If not seen a doctor, I think you should get down to A&E and tell them it is an emergency. That your GP surgery and NHS 24 unable to help.

Keep posting here for support.

I have to drop the kids off at nursery at 9am and then I am working from home all day. Will keep checking in regularly, so just post here if you need to talk. Big hugs, Nab.

Just left a message asking DH to ring the GP for me as I will be doing the school run then. If you ring past 8.35 you have even less of a chance for an appointment.

Having it hanging over me I have to see him on Monday is worse than saying the words out loud I think.

Thank you so much for hanging in there with me

Can't add any more to what Dollius said, only a {{{hug}}} - keep posting, we're here all day!

Nothing with my doctor until next week so I am seeing someone else at 10.10am.

Right, I'm back from the nursery run. Am here if you need to talk - just post.

Any news re the GP surgery?

I was crying in bed with DH last night. He is so worried about me. I feel like a rubbish wife. I want to snap myself out of it but just can't.

x-post.

Great, a step forward for you at last.
This is what you should say to the doctor:

I am being treated for depression by Dr X. I am taking Y dose of Z anti-ds. For the past two weeks I have felt suicidal and I have made one attempt. I am feeling worse and worse every day. I feel this is urgent and I must get help immediately. I am very worried about what I might do.

Don't put on a smile or anything that you might normally do - let them see how bad you are feeling.

Spell it out for them. Do you have to take your youngest one with you?

No, he is at playschool and DH will come home straight away if I can't pick him up. Playschool are fab and would just stay with him until Dh could get there.

You are NOT a rubbish wife. You know you are ill and you are trying to get well again. That makes you a good wife and a good mother.

Thankfully your DH sounds like mine - very understanding and very supportive. Can he step up the proactiveness a notch? He might need to wade in and fight for you to get the right help now. The strain of doing it might be too much for you, Nab.

He phoned the surgery for me and does as much as he can. He couldn't take all of today off but is coming home early. I think if nothing happens today I will keep my appointment for Monday with my usual GP and get DH to come with me.

And you can't just snap yourself out of it because this is a real illness which needs to be treated with real medicine (if only the doctors would actually see you).

Sorry, we keep x-posting.

I have to do a work call now, but will check in when it's over.

Get a cup of tea and try to relax. I know it's hard to concentrate on books/TV etc, so just lie on the couch etc. Don't do anything at all. Really, this keeping busy thing may be adding strain that you can't cope with.

Thank you so much dollius. I can't tell you how much your support and kindness means.

I am thinking about going to sleep when Dh gets home but don't want to not be able to sleep tonight.

You're NOT rubbish - you sure as heck FEEL rubbish, but they're two different things. You said something yesterday about how you used to be - trust me, that person hasn't gone away, you're still there. Hold on to that thought, don't give up on yourself. And dollis is right, be brave and lay it on the line, no British stiff upper lip, fall apart if you need to - I know this is the last thing you want to do, but unfortunately it may be what you need to do to be taken seriously. Unfair but true. You CAN do it, you're posting here, you want to.

If I really say how I feel I am scared about what might happen and what if I do say it and nothing happens?

Do you mean you are worried they will think you are exagerating?

Don't worry about that.

You do think you might try it again - that is the truth. Tell them that.

Maybe. I don't know.

I have seen this doctor before with my baby and he is the lovliest man.

I am going now.

good luck, he'll listen don't worry!

Let us know how it goes. Good luck

thinking of you Nabster, hope the dr. is helpful