Hate my life, hate myself, had thoughts

[Puffle]

I've posted before on the relationship forum and had some help a couple months ago.....

I thought I was strong but I'm not. I'm really weak. I try to please everyone but can't.

I've got nothing (apart from my beautiful DCs but feel I am a failure to them).

I feel so trapped in so many ways. I want to scream.

I think whats the point of life if's it's so damn hard? People would probably be better off without me.

I've failed in so many ways in my life - I'm just crap at it.

I'm 30 this year and have nothing to show for it. My two DCs have different dads, i'm fat, in massive debt, untidy, lazy, unsociable, hate me

A really good idea to show the list to the GP xxxxx

Puffle - so glad that you got an appointment. Writing it all down is a really good idea (I know, cause I did that!) It's especially helpful if you suddenly find yourself feeling a bit better on the day of the appointment, and wanting to pull out. You can say then that some days are better than others, but this is what a normal day is like - and show the list.

I could have so written your post a couple of years ago! I know exactly what you mean about thinking that others are much better off than you - but that doesn't detract from the way that you are feeling. The doctor is there to look after you, not after other people who might be far away.

Hi all. Just trying to keep writing on here as way of feeling normal I think.

Had a dream that I was running away last night, not sure where but I was running, I woke up and remembered it really clearly, it was so vivid.

Feeling so rubbish

Puffle - I am sorry that you are feeling low today. I have just looked back at your January thread and seen what you have been living with. Things aren't going to get better overnight for you, I can see. However, you have made a first step by booking that doctors appointment. You know, from that earlier thread, that you will start to feel stronger when you start to take control back for your life and your dcs life, but it won't happen magically, it will be one step at a time. The gps appointment is the first step.

In the meantime, can you plan for some next steps too? This might be something as simple as planning a brisk walk for 30 minutes a day, or of starting to set aside funds for you from your wages. Do something for you, Sweetheart. Do it today.

Have you reread your January thread? The last post there is from someone concerned that you hadn't posted again, so it might be worth popping in to let them know that you are OK. (Did you ever make the call to WR and talk to them about how you are feeling? Or did that feel like too big a step at the moment?)

Thinking of you.

I've posted on the thread and found another kindly asking about me.

I've replied, feel awful for not replying sooner.

Thank you for helping xx

Puffle, you are so thoughtful and concerned about other people. I am glad that your mum and sister and friend are there to support you in real life. Do keep posting/keep talking to people, and remember, things can get better . . . You and your dcs deserve it.

puffle,

I posted on your other thread before I found this one.

definately take the list with you to the doctors.

Smiling at your P is a good survival tactic, it's not a weakness..you already recognise you need to conserve your energy for the positive steps in your life.

We are here for you.