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Original poster

Is sleeping forever the only way it will end?

56 replies

thenewme · 27/11/2008 12:40

I am really struggling.

I feel like crying all the time. I can't remember the last time I properly smiled or had a good laugh.

I am in a deep hole and have no space or energy to get myself out of it.

Suicide is on my mind a lot. I don't want to die but I just want it all to end.

On ADs but no other support.

I wish I had a Mum.

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 27/11/2008 21:02

did you feel more in control?
what did she suggest?

i shout lots

Notquitegrownup · 27/11/2008 21:13

Fantastic to read about your journey home. And sooooo pleased you got a good hv.

It sounds as if she may have an interesting suggestion for you with contacting the NSPCC, too. I think Barnardos may offer some help too - it might be worth looking on both of their websites.

Now if you are like me, you will practice the skills for a while, but after a few weeks things may start to slip again. Please do remember that your hv is there for you, and should be able to help, if you find yourself getting low again. Just because you have called her once, you are allowed to go back again, if you need to.

And keep on posting here, too. I know that MN kept me sane in some very dark times

Jackstini · 27/11/2008 22:37

Well done, so please you got to speak to someone helpful, you sound much happier

dsrplus8 · 28/11/2008 11:16

, morning TNM how are you today?, really hope you have a good day today,remember we are here for you if you need us!! xxx

Original poster
thenewme · 28/11/2008 12:40

Thanks everyone. Makes me wonder why RL people don't want to talk to me when people care on here.

AN example of what the HV said - DD has been kicking. She said I need to say "No kicking" and then give lots of attention to the "victim." I know that seems really obvious but I would normally shout and get very cross and not give the kicked person much attention. She said that children really would rather be shouted at than ignored or have nothing at all.

I have had a good, productive day today so far, DS2 is going to bed in 10 minutes so I will get more jobs done then and then when he gets up it will be time to go to school. DS1 has gone on a school trip today and I can not wait to see him home safe and sound.

BTW DD kicked again this morning but we will plod on!

OP posts:
Notquitegrownup · 28/11/2008 12:48

"Makes me wonder why RL people don't want to talk to me when people care on here." you are not alone in wondering that one Thank goodness for MN, eh?

The old "You are naughty, I shout at you, so we all get grumpy" cycle is so easy to get stuck in, isn't it? It's really good to have some techniques which keep shouting to a minimum. DS2's teacher is fantastic at distraction. She too says "No kicking/shouting/whatever" then takes the child by the hand and asks them about something else, so that that is the end of it. Wish I had seen her in operation when I had littlies! It looks so easy!

Hope today continues to be good for you.

Original poster
thenewme · 28/11/2008 12:50

I suppose I couldn't see how they would learn not to kick, etc if you never actually told them off but HV says they will soon learn as they will see the other child is getting the attention.

OP posts:
dsrplus8 · 28/11/2008 12:55

id have shouted too, its automatic isnt it?, dont really understand myself why kids are "into" negative attention,but another we trick is to give them some time and do something with them, making cakes ,glueing loo rolls ect.i try and do "fun" stuff with my lot at least twice a week,i find it helps them listen to me ,as they dont just get the nagging fun sucking mum all the time then.today im going to finger paint with the twins and make a loo roll rocket(space project ,school) with ds2.beats nagging/shouting him to clean his room anyday.its nice cause u can sit with them and chill out a bit whilst they get creative,takes the pressure off for a wee bit

cheesesarnie · 30/11/2008 12:32

i agree its automatic to 'deal' with kicker before victim.you do have to make yourself ignore the bad,praise the good.

Original poster
thenewme · 30/11/2008 16:10

Still trying and not going much better. I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
thenewme · 30/11/2008 18:21

now not not

OP posts:
Notquitegrownup · 30/11/2008 19:52

Phew - glad that it is now going much better, rather than not going much better! What a difference a letter makes!

dsrplus8 · 01/12/2008 11:21

morning thenewme, how are you today??? im glad things are going better for you, heres to a good week!!!! kids are all excited about santa ,i bet!! i love xmass it gives me so much leverage/blackmail oppertunities ....after all santa only comes to kids who dont fight!!!

Original poster
thenewme · 01/12/2008 12:35

Bit of a sad day today as 1 year since the children lost their Great Nanny. They were asking for their Advent calendars this morning and are desperate to start Christmas decorating. I am giving their calendars when they get home from school but not sure when to put up the tree, etc.

I do feel much better now someone has actually given me a concrete tip on what to do in a certain situation and the children are responding. I am sure it will be an ongoing process but all good.

Thanks for asking, you are lovely.

OP posts:
Eve34 · 01/12/2008 13:03

I couldn't read this and not say hi. Sounds like you have some good support around you. It has taken me 2 years to finally admit I am not the best mum in the world. I tried hard but get angry when things don't go to plan. Had ad's up twice, and I finally feel a little more in control. Parenting isn't something that comes naturally to me.

I have tried meeting new pwople, mums and tot's groups etc, but just feel so hurt that my offer of friendship is rejected so quickly I feel I am doing something wrong all the time.

Keep smiling you are doing a fab job.

Original poster
thenewme · 01/12/2008 13:19

TBH the only support I have is my husband but the new HV was great last week and I wouldn't hesitate to phone her again.

I have no friends through the school gate as if anyone asked me how I was feeling I was honest and it seems people can't handle anything other than I'm fine.

Where abouts are you, Eve34?

OP posts:
dsrplus8 · 01/12/2008 13:45

sorry about great nanny, TNM .hey remember youve got friends on MN, and we wont eat all your choccie biccies!!!!,.i remember what it was like the first time my dd1 did what i asked and stoped bashing dd2 over the head with toy, such joy at finally GETTING SOMEWHERE!!!!!, .thats up there with binging them home as babies, and the first time the little ones say "i love you mummy".keep up the "good work" ,the more you do it , the easier it gets and the kids "learn" that good behavior gets more attention quicker.

Catherinedeneuve · 01/12/2008 13:49

Thenewme, just read your thread and wanted to send a virtual hug and to say well done on asking for help. You mustn't feel alone or ashamed. Sending huge good vibes to you and wanted to say that one day you will look back on this and think, 'wow, that was tough but look at me now'.

Eve34 · 01/12/2008 13:52

I am in hampshire, bet you are going to be miles away. I have met a few mum's through here and other mummy web sites. I work part time so time is not always on my side, but I try to be friendly I guess not everyone out there needs new friends.

I too do a lot of smiling and nodding, I try not to off load as it isn't what people want is it.

Original poster
thenewme · 01/12/2008 14:08

That reminds me, dsrplus8, DS1 came in and told me he loved me last night. DS2 who is 3 always says it back to me but the older ones not often.

No idea where Hampshire is in relation to me.

OP posts:
Eve34 · 01/12/2008 14:20

bet that makes you up north somewhere then :-)

Original poster
thenewme · 01/12/2008 14:21

No, I'm from the North but live in the South now.

OP posts:
Eve34 · 01/12/2008 16:34

Where abouts are you then, just considering putting DS on e bay, unfortunately the rules say no live stock. grrrr

Original poster
thenewme · 01/12/2008 16:37

I have often thought of trying to sell them. A while ago a MNer agreed to swap them for her dogs but the dogs still haven't turned up.

I am in Kent.

OP posts:
dsrplus8 · 01/12/2008 16:37

lol ta ebay eve34! let us know if u find a "loophole" about "livestock"