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Original poster

Onwards and Upwards - the cvq/ns support and hot chocolate thread

984 replies

Habbibu · 06/09/2008 20:33

Since we've nearly tipped the last one over the 1000 posts mark, here's the new thread for cvq and for her friends to help this lovely lady to keep on getting better.

OP posts:
differentID · 08/09/2008 23:53

(((hugs)))
I find that hard to believe, mainly because here you are, all upset because you've hurt someone's feelings. It's fine to be selfish some of the time, but as a person you are not selfish- far from it and it's plain for other people to see. If you were truly selfish you would have an attitude of "how dare she be upset", but you don't.

needsupport · 08/09/2008 23:56

i hate feeling like this though.it eats away at me and friends are so important to me.im just hurting tonight tbh

differentID · 08/09/2008 23:58

I wish I could take away some of that hurt for you.
My dh needs the pc for a bit, so don't worry if I don't answer again tonight, ok.
Peaceful rest.x

needsupport · 09/09/2008 00:01

ok.thankyou x

thumbwitch · 09/09/2008 00:12

but that just shows you are a lovely person who cares a lot about your friends - you are sad because you have caused your friend (and your mum) a bit of pain - but I am sure that they will not hold it against you! They both understand that you are under enormous pressure.

Do you WANT to distance yourself from your friend at the moment? Or are you doing it "for her benefit", like you wanted to for all us MNers - because again, if she is half the friend she should be, she won't want to be put at a distance, any more than we do.

You are in a bad place at the moment, and you need help, and we are here to help you. Please let us (your mum, your friends, MNers) because knowing that we have been able to do something good for you will make us feel good too. It's good karma - we help you because we want to AND we hope you feel warmer because of us and we then feel nice inside.

thingamajig · 09/09/2008 00:15

Hi, ns, I'm sorry to hear you have had a bad day. Do you know what, today I got so irrationally furious with my BIL that I called him a thief and a liar, all for not returning my car on time. Im coming out of a depression and apparantly I often do this when Im getting stronger.
I feel mortified about the way I treated him, but I try to resist going overand over it in my head.
It is trite but the only person who is hurting is you. It sounds selfish, yes but other people are not so prone to endless self examination and self critisim as people who are depressed. So they are not half so upset by the same encounter which set off such huge emotions in you

needsupport · 09/09/2008 00:32

yes for her benefit

thumbwitch · 09/09/2008 00:45

ah well then; she might not want you to do that because then she might feel that she is letting you down by not being the sort of friend that you want to talk to, if you get my drift?

I KNOW this is completely different but when I went through a massive break up with my ex-fiance, I relied heavily on my friends listening to my inane ramblings and weepings, often saying the same things over and over - they probably did get bored but they still let me do it because they were my friends and cared enough about me to let me get it out of my system (in the days before email, god I'm old ).

Give her the choice - when you email her, tell her that you will back off if she isn't able to cope with listening to you. Otherwise you do run the risk of further hurting her feelings, I'm afraid.

needsupport · 09/09/2008 00:51

i dont want to talk to her about it but just to give her some space.i dont talk about it tbh.another wound not openedi do feel crap for saying it to her though.but like its been said.its done now
i have however stopped crying.which is good.

thumbwitch · 09/09/2008 00:55

it is entirely your choice who you talk to about what and again, as a friend, she should be able to understand that even if she doesn't like it.

Often wounds have to remain covered for a while to let them start the healing - but for them to heal completely, at some point (and only when you are ready and feel safe enough) they have to be looked at.

YOUR CHOICE when to do that. And where and with whom.

Have you got any hot choc in your flask tonight?

needsupport · 09/09/2008 01:02

i have actually yes.and wishing i had a diazepam

thumbwitch · 09/09/2008 01:06

have the hot choc anyway and consider this - chocolate contains some luvverly chemicals which might be able to trip certain receptors in your brain, producing endorphins (our own "happy drugs"). Therefore chocolate is goooood.

Have you run out of diazepams or left them elsewhere?

needsupport · 09/09/2008 01:09

no i had to have one earlier to calm me down post rant at mother after she disappeared on me.she wouldnt let me have another one.i think she thinks i store them

thumbwitch · 09/09/2008 01:16

Look at it that she is showing how much she cares for you that she doesn't want you to od on them accidentally.

Are you worried you won't sleep? Try some of the techniques we suggested the other night - and have I told you the hamster in the wheel one?

needsupport · 09/09/2008 01:20

no i dont know the hamster one.oh i know i wont sleep.too much has gone off today.but will at least try

thumbwitch · 09/09/2008 01:33

ok, hamster one - or other small furry animal of your choice (sfaoyc).

Imagine that you have a sfaoyc on a wheel in your head. it is constantly running on the wheel, and the wheel has a slight but very irritating squeak. The noise is incessant and is keeping you awake.

Give your sfaoyc a name; see it in full colour - the more detail in which you see it, the more effective this trick is.

Now, take your sfaoyc out of the wheel, talk to it, be nice to it, give it a seed or nut and stroke it to sleeeeeeep. Tell it that it is ok for it to rest, that the wheel will still be there in the morning if it really wants to get back on it. Soothe your sfaoyc until you see it getting sleepy... then its eyes will close and it will go to sleep - and then you can too, because the noise of the wheel has stopped.

The more you concentrate on seeing this, the higher the likelihood of it working.

I must go now as my neck has just gone into conniptions from being on the computer too long but I will be here again tomorrow for you. I hope that the above helps you sleep and if you need it, that someone else comes along to chat to you.

((((((((hugs))))))))) for you (and j), love and light

needsupport · 09/09/2008 01:50

i like little animals so can probably do that quite easily.thankyou.ill give it a go
hope your neck is aright x

needsupport · 09/09/2008 02:26

finally think i can settle down.j will be up in 3.5 hrs

bellavita · 09/09/2008 07:56

Morning ns, I hope you did finally manage to get to sleep - hopefully j had a little lie in for his mummy?

Will be on here in between making the cake for the over 60's club and dropping it off, doing the usual housework things.

Love to you. xx

bythepowerofgreyskull · 09/09/2008 08:49

Morning NS

hope you managed to get some rest. JJx

needsupport · 09/09/2008 10:14

had a little bit of sleep.i can sleep this afternoon when js at nursery.
i think my body has forgotten how to

bellavita · 09/09/2008 10:19

A little bit of sleep is better than none.

Perhaps you could have a warm milky drink this afternoon just before your nap?

Remember to eat though as well , will give you fuel to be more energetic, the more energetic you are, the more tired you will become (should be a nice tired rather than a weary not slept for weeks tired).

mellyonion · 09/09/2008 10:36

hey ns...how you doing? sounds like you had another shitty evening...

did you make it up with your mum and friend?

i really hope so...i'm sure they both understand how you feel, and i'm sure nothing that you've done is unforgivable...

have a nice, peaceful afternoon and catch up on some zzzzz's!

needsupport · 09/09/2008 10:41

oh im alright i guess.mums fine and am hoping friend is too.
am going to try and keep my mouth shut today

mellyonion · 09/09/2008 10:47

get off!! you should never feel the need to keep quiet...

sometimes think about a nicer way to say what you need to, sure, but don't say nothing....you have enough stuff eating away at you...you should be able to be honest with your mum and friends....

you know you can always run it by us if you need a second opinion...am happy for you to email me too if you'd prefer.
xx