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Onwards and Upwards - the cvq/ns support and hot chocolate thread

984 replies

Habbibu · 06/09/2008 20:33

Since we've nearly tipped the last one over the 1000 posts mark, here's the new thread for cvq and for her friends to help this lovely lady to keep on getting better.

OP posts:
needsupport · 10/09/2008 12:25

yes but it was hard.i needed to be alone with them to tell something.now i feel ive betrayed my family
i am goin into specialised counseling
my heart is aching

thumbwitch · 10/09/2008 12:30

oh dear, was it something about your mum, or someone else?
what sort of specialised counselling?

listen to Bonnire Raitt for a bit if it helps your heartache.

needsupport · 10/09/2008 12:33

i cant say what

thumbwitch · 10/09/2008 12:35

no worries, you don't have to. when does it start?

needsupport · 10/09/2008 12:39

someone will call me later but maybe nextweek.but i need mum to go home or i cant do it.please god i just want my life back

MatNanPlus · 10/09/2008 12:41

Hun,

You need to be honest.

Families are sometimes not the best or right people to help with the healing process.

Your poor heart is taking a battering but the SC will help you get things more ordered and you can start to move towards where you want to be emotionally/mentally and physically.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

thumbwitch · 10/09/2008 12:41

when is your cast coming off? Can you cope without her there or is she just making you feel worse at the mo?

MatNanPlus · 10/09/2008 12:44

Think tomorrow is the big unveiling if all is good on the x-rays xx

needsupport · 10/09/2008 12:53

it comes off tomorrow.today i just feel suffocated because i wan to let rip and i cant.it is all held inside and i want to scream and shout and get angry.but at the same time am weak.i dont deserve all this.i thought i was a nice person but dont feel it anymore.i need an outlet and i havent got one.i can talk to no one because im a bad person now

MatNanPlus · 10/09/2008 12:55

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON

I am here and happy to chat here, email or msn

Don't feel alone, we are here to be with you and to help you see the picture from our eyes and you are strong, but i know your not feeling that but we are seeing that xxxxx

needsupport · 10/09/2008 13:02

i blurted something out.icant talk here

thumbwitch · 10/09/2008 13:05

you are in a strongly negative spiral at the moment. You are a GOOD person. you are still a NICE person, but at the moment you are deep in shit and you are mistaking the shit around you for being part of you - it isn't.

As my trainer once said to me, the brightest diamonds are buried in the deepest shit - you will be clean and shining again one day.

How is j today - is he lovely and cuddly?

Can I suggest that you go and get yourself a doll/teddy/angel/something that you can talk to? You can whisper all your innermost thoughts to it, so it feels like you have some"one" who will listen completely and not judge you AT ALL.

Another idea for you - find somewhere that has a punchbag that you can use - and you can take out your frustrations and anger on it. No one minds if you scream while you're doing it, either.

MatNanPlus · 10/09/2008 13:14

I needed saying by the sounds of it, little digging the splinter out so you can start to heal.

Am here

I don't judge

needsupport · 10/09/2008 13:21

yes but to the wrong person
but because of that iv said it to the right person.but now it could all blow out the water and im petrified and angry and a little lost

MerlinsBeard · 10/09/2008 13:23

specialist counselling sounds like it will benefit you more. They are trained in a particular area.

i am sure you haven;t betrayed your family

thumbwitch · 10/09/2008 13:24

who was the wrong person, love? and who is the right one?

needsupport · 10/09/2008 13:33

the wrong person is someone i care deeply about
the right person was my cpn

thumbwitch · 10/09/2008 13:47

well, take heart from the fact that you have said it to the right person in the end - and I'm sure the "wrong" person won't hold it against you.

now, another "trick" to help you feel a little better - what is your favourite colour? exactly? see it in your head.
Now, I want you to imagine a thick, fluffy, lovely wrap made in that colour (wrap could be a duvet, a blanket, a shawl, a dressing gown, whatever you like) - make it of whatever material you like the feel of most. This wrap can be as big as you like and as light or heavy as you want.

Now, keep this picture of this wrap in your head and when you feel overwhelmed, I want you to wrap yourself in it, or crawl under it, or do whatever makes you feel safest. The wrap is going to protect you from all the bad stuff out there, it is able to draw all the negativity out of you and deflect it down into the ground where it can't do any harm. Under/ In this wrap, you can feel safe and comforted.

Give the wrap a name, like "comfort wrap" or whatever means the most to you. And the more clearly you can see it, the better it will work.

A client of mine has a real skyblue fluffy dressing gown that she uses (skyblue is her favourite colour) and finds it helps a lot when she is in the depths.

Hope that helps, in the meantime keep posting

needsupport · 10/09/2008 13:56

the last few days has forced me to face this head on.i dont know what will happen.im still dealing with how j came to me but this is seperate and scary and terrifying.lastnight i didnt think id make it to today.but i haave and im here and trying so hard to be better and fight.i scared myself into saying this thing.i dont want to be destroyed and destroy those i lovei want to show that world i can do this but i am scared of the impact.if the last few days hadnt have happened i know i would still be mute

thumbwitch · 10/09/2008 14:03

it's a part of the healing process - all the crap inside you that you have been trying to ignore is fighting its way to the surface in order to be expelled. So, even though the last few days have been hell on earth for you, it is going to be worth it because it is coming out and then you can really start to heal.

KezzaG · 10/09/2008 14:10

NS, I have followed your story and been rotting for you since you first posted here. I hadnt posted before as you are getting such wonderful support and I just cant offer the right words or time to be that helpful to you.........however, reading this now I just couldnt not post.

From an outsiders point of view it seems like this was the low you had to get to in order to get better. You have so much to deal with, the circumstances of J's conception, his birth which you have alluded to, sleep deprivation, PTSD, and just dealing with a new baby!!! Just one or two of these things would floor the strongest of people and here you are coping with it all!

Please forgive yourself for whatever it was you said. I am sure they have already forgiven you anyway, who wouldnt?

I will keep folloiwng your posts, and I think about you often. I really hope you find the counselling helpful.

You are such a wonderful person...take care.

needsupport · 10/09/2008 14:13

yes hell on earth is the right phrase.i get healed then i get broken again.if my healed times were longer before i get broken then i could see progress myself iukwim.but i am up and down so cant catch my breath between.one day i will be better and i will keep trying.i need more patience with me but my heart is filled with hurt which makes me desperate at times to escape that hurt before it consumes me whole and i sink.

needsupport · 10/09/2008 14:15

kezza you are very kind.thankyou x

thumbwitch · 10/09/2008 14:18

thing is, that while there is still crap inside, it's only superficial healing. Have you ever had a spot that never quite gets better, it seems to heal over and then erupts again? But finally you get all the zit maerial out and it heals over properly? That's what this is like.

So take heart, you're healings to date have been more superficial, but now the real deep shit is coming out, you are progresssing to real healing.

KezzaG · 10/09/2008 14:19

You deserve it. Honestly, your posts touch a lot of people, way more than who actually post on here.

I cant offer anywhere near the level of support others can as I am not on that often but if its ok with you I might just pop on time to time to see how you are.

you have said it yourself, one day you will be better x