I've NC for this. Basically, I've had OCD since I was 11 years old. I'm now over 45.
I didn't know what it was for several years, then at age 18 I read an article and knew it was OCD, but I was scared of what the medical fraternity might do to me, so I didn't get diagnosed by a doctor until I was 27. I've tried various things that sometimes help a bit, but then it gets really bad again.
It's absolutely hell at times. Intrusive thoughts, then compulsions to re-trace steps where the thoughts took place and make sure I have good thoughts instead. Also having to wash thoughts, words, conversations off my hands, clothes etc (it sounds so bonkers writing it down). I've actually had to get trains to re-do journeys if I felt I had the wrong thoughts, and need to replace the journey with good thoughts, which I have to write down in case the intrusive thoughts (which are the opposite of what I actually think) return.
So, it's cost me a lot of money and time.
I've suffered severe depression at times as a result; and basically have been malfunctioning on and off for years. It's a secret illness, so many people have no idea, and probably wonder why my material life is so challenging - renting from a terrible landlord (only thing I can barely afford) in and out of work, often penniless, lifelong single mostly.
I had such potential at primary school; and if it hadn't been for trauma and subsequent mental illness, I truly believe I'd have been a professional artist (my great early love), been married and had several children (always been very maternal) and had a lovely home, as I'm naturally a home maker, if given the opportunity.
I recently lost my beloved dad. He was a huge support for me and I for him. He'd also suffered trauma and we really understood eachother. So, I'm grieving terribly.
Yesterday my OCD was so horrendous I found walking to town to get shopping and back unbelievably challenging (took ages) I've been crying loads since, as I'm just exhausted, and don't understand why it had to be like this.
Not asking for help or even advise really. I just wanted to share, and wondered if anyone else feels similar about their mental health situation? Solidarity if so.