How to start living a happy life?

[Yoloinpractice]

My DP and I are both quite depressed and we are conscious that we are wasting our lives away. We are both working part time in the run up to retirement and fortunate to have good health (apart from being run down physically) and to be financially very comfortable.
He lost a sibling recently (early 60s) which has reemphasised that life is short but we still don’t seem to be able to have fun and make the most of our time.
How do we make some positive changes? Is it best to just concentrate on one day at a time or try to come up with a longer term plan?
Any advice or similar experiences would be appreciated

Oh no, no suggestions?

Exercise! Alternate days at least and ideally in a fun social environment or with a friend.

get enough sleep

meditate first thing before the day gets busy, practice gratitude.

get your b12, iron, vitamin D levels checked.

talking therapies or medication if things continue.

Plan your retirement, what’s on your bucket list

Why are you depressed? Is it actual clinical depression?

Yes, I’ve weaned myself off my AD and struggling to deal with feelings of despair.

Mindfulness. Start noticing the beauty in life

Maybe some holidays but can’t summon up any enthusiasm for anything atm

Does walking the dog count or does it need to be aerobic exercise?

have you come off the drugs too quickly? You could be in withdrawal - this can be worse than the actual depression.

why have u come off them? Some people have to take them for life.

consider restarting them.

I was wondering if it was withdrawal symptoms but my psychiatrist says it is the depression. I don’t want to be dependent on them.

I don’t understand why you’ve stopped the medication if you need it and it was working?

If you’ve indeed Warner yourself off antidepressants, rather than with medical supervision, you’ve probably got your answer. It’s never the best plan

But, to be honest with a history of depression, recent grief and midwinter there’s a good chance of the bastard creeping back anyway.

so exercise. Always good. Planning for nice things, yes. Just being together. Lovely. Do keep an eye out for the maybe actually needing (deserving, also) medication

But you’re depressed OP, you’re unwell. You need the medication. A diabetic wouldn’t suddenly stop taking medication, I would hope.

I take ADM and have done for the past 5/6 years, and I’m fine with that. I see them as another tool
in my toolkit.

Id also consider aerobic exercise, yoga, connecting with nature, socialising and making nice plans to look forward to. I know it’s hard to summon up the energy or motivation, but try not to succumb to your feelings and do these things anyway.

I think you need to address your depression before anything else. Have you thought about psychotherapy. It might take a while to find the right therapy or modality but I would recommend it. Once you have a clearer idea of who you are without the depression then you will have a clearer idea of what you want to do

Many many cross posts and very fat fingers. Glad you have a psychiatrist OP, I do too and he is very good. Try to be open to suggestions and compromises

I dont think it was working and I deserve to suffer

A psychiatrist who does psychotherapy is a rare beast but TBH hard to beat

It sounds like you may still need to be on the ADs. If you were feeling a bit low, you could probably push through it with a few lifestyle changes, but ‘despair’ sounds like you’re in a pretty bad place and I’m not sure it can be managed solely with exercise and mindfulness (although exercise can lift you up quite a lot). X

I decided that if I wasn’t going to be happy again, I would try to make as many other people happy as possible. So I just fit as many little kind things into a day as possible. I smile and chat and ask people about themselves. It’s really nice and makes me feel like I’m worth something and adding something positive, instead of negative.

I really hope you find what works for you 💐

Walking the dog sounds like a great start. Fresh air, routine and gentle exercise should really help. Can you try some different walking routes, maybe join a walking group, meet friends for a walk, stop for a coffee on route? Well done for trying to make a change.

obviously you’re free to make choices that aren’t in your best interests, or the best interests of your loved ones, op. Considering you do have proper medical support I don’t think there’s a lot to be got from MN

So try a different type of medication.
as for feeling that you deserve to suffer, this needs to be addressed with your psychiatrist.

I was having psychodynamic therapy but my therapist hates me so I’ve stopped that now. I am quite an unlikeable character. My psychiatrist is fed up with me too and I can’t blame him really

I’m interested in what has worked for others on MN so what’s wrong with asking that?

Absolutely nothing! Wise indeed. But you sound canny and I bet this is t helpful