How to start living a happy life?

[Yoloinpractice]

My DP and I are both quite depressed and we are conscious that we are wasting our lives away. We are both working part time in the run up to retirement and fortunate to have good health (apart from being run down physically) and to be financially very comfortable.
He lost a sibling recently (early 60s) which has reemphasised that life is short but we still don’t seem to be able to have fun and make the most of our time.
How do we make some positive changes? Is it best to just concentrate on one day at a time or try to come up with a longer term plan?
Any advice or similar experiences would be appreciated

If you really were awful you wouldn't care about it, so the very fact that you are concerned about means you can't be. QED.

Read or watch Catch 22 😊

Happiness is what you do.

Do little things that bring joy.
Time in nature.
creative hobbbies
giving back/charity/volunteering
exercise
time outdoors
reduce screen time and increase reading time

Join a community choir

Well the beauty of community choirs is that you don’t have to be any good! And I don’t believe you are unpleasant, I think you sound unhappy, and that’s fixable.

That's such a lovely and valuable thing to do. I can't as I'm anaemic, so I always really admire people who do.

It was a while ago now, but my memory is that coming off Citalopram can make you feel quite bad. I ended up taking Prozac for a while, just in order to come off Citalopram. So I was titrating down from the Citalopram and slowly building up the Prozac. Then I came off Prozac (which has a long afterlife) very slowly. My understanding is that the body needs to get used to not having happy hormones artificially supplied, and has to start making its own. If you come off too quickly, it doesn't have a chance, but if you come off slowly, it realises they are lacking and has time to create its own supplies. Not sure if this has been clinically tested, but coming off very very slowly made a massive difference to me, as did switching to Prozac - which I hadn't previously found worked for me, but it worked as a weaning off Citalopram alternative.

I hope this makes sense. It wasn't as odd as it might sound.

I used to be one of those people who thought 'it's okay to be on ADs for life, just like diabetics need insulin.' But I found the side effects of Citalopram - which saved my life on a number of occasions) really built up after a while and you end up just existing - zero energy or motivation, which - ironically - is a bit like being depressed! Now I think ADs work best as a boost to get you through the darkest bouts of depression, but once you start to feel okay, come off super slowly, so the side-effects don't get a chance to kick in too hard and the body doesn't give up trying to generate the necessary hormones for an emotionally stable life.

Yes that makes sense and might explain why I’ve been feeling the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. The brain zaps have reduced in the last few days so maybe I’m over the worst now. It’s so hard to keep pushing on and to stay positive when everything is such a monumental struggle.

Yes it is. It is really hard. And that's okay. Life isn't and doesn't have to be full on happiness. Having a range of low emotions too is perfectly justifiable, especially at tough times like the recent past you and your partner have been going through. Like you, I don't want to ever let suicidal thoughts dominate, but I now accept it is okay to feel low as well as happy. But you do sound like you are fighting back against the worst of the low moods - and that in itself is a real achievement. It doesn't feel like it at the time. But you might look back and think: I put so much effort and energy into getting over the worst of it when I came off ADS, and you'll have every right to feel proud of yourself and glad that you are working as hard as I can tell you are right now. Coming on here and asking for advice, staying on this thread over a few days, processing the things people are suggesting, responding - these are admirable behaviours, They don't feel like it at the time, but I know that they are. You are actually currently making headway and succeeding at something tremendously difficult. It's just that the early stages don't feel like progress at all, even though they are.

There’s no shame in it but there is considerable risk. ADs don’t (and weren’t designed to) work for life, they need reviewing and managing. When they stop working things can get very unpleasant. The OP is right to seek alternative ways of managing and improving her mental health if she can.

Thank you. That’s so kind and you obviously “get it”. I’m focusing on the fact that I can’t leave my partner to make suicide a non option atm. That is helping to reduce the mental conflict of whether to do it or not.

OP, one of the ways your brain attacks you in withdrawal is through suicidal ideation. It does go away, but it feels very real at the time. When those feelings are very strong, talking to a helpline might relieve the pressure and also shut out some of the brain “noise”.

Thanks. It is relentless and exhausting.

My family member had this and it was a living torture for them.

It’s very hard to explain to people that this is a compulsive thought pattern and not just you feeing miserable. It is part of the withdrawal process and will eventually go away.

Coming off medication is really hard so well done for doing it. I think suggestions on what to do to feel stronger is something you may need to come back and read when you feel more able to do them. Always start small with things as big leaps to do stuff is overwhelming. One thing dh and I have done is keep a list of things to do or places to go that we read about or see on tv. Not massive great holidays but things like chester zoo, a city we have never been to etc. we then try and do one or two a year. It gives us something to look forward to and plan and it feels doable. Take your time and what gives you joy will be different to me but try and begin to find them.

Why do you think you are unlikeable? Very few people are absolutely unlikeable?

Most recent reason is that my therapist told me and there’s no hope when even your therapist dislikes you.

Maybe your therapist was an unprofessional twat. Have you considered that as a possibility?

What did the therapist actually say?
Theres either a misunderstanding or you need a decent therapist.

Have you had a blood test recently? It would be good to discount any deficiencies that could be causing low mood.
when you walk your dog, do you walk in nature? It makes a difference.
spend some time in the day being mindful. Which means engaging your senses and just being present where you are. In nature? Look around. What do you see, hear, smell and touch?
Having a cup of tea? You can do the same.
Do something for others. Buy an item for the foodbank or volunteer somewhere. You can even do some online volunteering or telephone volunteering if you don’t want to go out.
Do things you enjoy. Go out more.
People forget that mental stimulation is as important as physical activity to maintain good wellbeing. Learn something. Read a book. Do a course.
Meet people. Join some groups. Perhaps pair up with learning, hobbies or volunteering.
It’s not easy op and good for you for wanting to do this.

i wish that was the case but she is a very experienced and well qualified therapist. She said she doesn’t have to like her clients to be able to treat them and that it was a professional challenge to be able to treat them the same regardless. I can’t trust her now though.

She's still a twat. I'm a therapist and would never say anything like that to a client. What therapeutic value is there in that message? None whatsoever.

I know. I really needed the support she was giving me too so it’s a bit shit now

Did you look at that article on Core Beliefs I linked up thread?

Thanks, I’ll take a good look at it this evening. Trying to keep moving atm so going out with the dog (despite only 2hrs 41 minutes sleep last night)

Thanks for all this good advice.
The dog walking is in nature as we are very fortunate to live in the countryside and fairly close to beautiful coastline too.
I have done some mindful colouring before so I need to start that again and to look at other options.

I really appreciate all the kind comments and suggestions on this thread. x

I joined a choir and it’s brought a lot of joy into my life, so many benefits, there’s the social contact and also the natural high that singing gives you. You don’t have to be able to sing, you just find your range and blend into the chorus.