How to start living a happy life?

[Yoloinpractice]

My DP and I are both quite depressed and we are conscious that we are wasting our lives away. We are both working part time in the run up to retirement and fortunate to have good health (apart from being run down physically) and to be financially very comfortable.
He lost a sibling recently (early 60s) which has reemphasised that life is short but we still don’t seem to be able to have fun and make the most of our time.
How do we make some positive changes? Is it best to just concentrate on one day at a time or try to come up with a longer term plan?
Any advice or similar experiences would be appreciated

@Jugendstiel Brilliant post! 😊

Off to the coast with the dog today. PMA

We’re off for a long walk by the coast too!

I try to keep to the following We all need
Passion - hobbies, interests
Meaning - purpose in life - volunteering, helping others
Connection - a social life
Novelty - Don’t get into too much of a routine, add in some new things, experiences. Get out of your comfort zone.

This can be condensed into Stay busy, be useful.

I’m a similar age to you, work part time and used to take St John’s wort for low mood. I haven’t taken it in ages. What made a difference? Diet and exercise. Cut out wheat, cut down on sugar. I eat whole foods with plenty of fish, beans, pulses and oats-along with fruit and vegetables. Am lucky enough to have great walks nearby and do resistance workouts a couple of times a week. Those changes have made a huge difference to our lives. We are reasonably comfortable yet are by far, the poorest of our friends-but I’d say we are no less happy because we don’t have the money to do cruises and buy second homes. Sometimes we put eighties and nineties music on and dance around, we still like going to concerts and most of all, we like to go out in the hills. Doing that is like a massage for your brain even though it’s physically tiring. As you’re comfortable, is there anywhere you would like to visit? Plan a trip and treat yourself to lovely places to stay? Join a language group? Has there ever been a book you’d like to read? My son bought me Tge Spiral Staircase for Christmas, had never heard of it, written 90 years ago and am enjoying so much. Start with small things-but diet and exercise.

Thanks @Pennyfan
It’s encouraging to hear how you have managed to make such positive changes in your life. Diet and exercise seem to be fundamental so I need to start there (steps away from the after eights)

Get outside and walk. Subscribe to Country Walking magazine who do a 1000 mile challenge. Or use the Go Jauntly app which also has walking challenges.
Go to parkrun

Walking the dog definitely helps. I’m finding it takes at least 45 minutes of walking before I can feel the despair shifting slightly. Not sure if more aerobic activity would work any better.

What I find about walking in the hills is that on rocky, high paths you are concentrating so much on what you’re doing, everything else goes out of your head. And the views and feeling such a small part of the world. But the feeling of being totally involved in the moment of finding a tricky way up/down is mood enhancing in itself.

You've just reminded me of a lightbulb moment I had when I was really depressed. I'd go for a walk and start to feel better, but as I got close to home, I'd feel low again. For ages, this made me think the walk wasn't working as I felt low immediately after the walk was over. Then I realised the point was that during the walk I got to feel okay for a while. So I tried to patch together as many 'feeling okay for a little while' moments into each day - a couple of walks, some good music, a silly or funny TV show, a chapter of an escapist novel. The more distractions from low mood I could find, the longer the time each day that it was kept away. Eventually I had more good patches of the day than bad ones and then whole days.

Thanks @Jugendstiel that’s a really positive way of looking at things.
I think I need to dismiss suicide as an option as that is getting in the way of focusing on trying to feel better. I really like the idea of patching together feeling ok moments.

Thanks for this @Imgoingtobefree
I know it’s only a small thing but I’ve just booked to donate blood

Has anyone mentioned singing? If there’s a community choir in your area I really would give this a go.

Have you come across action for happiness? They have a calendar with one activity per day and each month has a different theme. It’s based in decent science around the things that actually create a shift in people’s underlying happiness levels so definitely worth a look and lots of them are very little and achievable. December is about doing good for others: https://actionforhappiness.org/calendar

I would actually quite fancy doing that but my voice is so awful that I would ruin the sound of the whole choir (and I’m not exaggerating). Plus I can’t do any group activities because I’m such an unpleasant character

Thanks, that looks great.

I’m such an unpleasant character

No evidence of that on this thread. Maybe you are wrong in that belief.

https://www.betterup.com/blog/core-beliefs

If you truly believe you “deserve to suffer” - why are you asking for help here to reduce your suffering?

If deep down you would like your suffering to diminish then you need to seek the help of professionals. Just tinkering around with a walk in the sunshine won’t help if you have clinical depression.

And you mentioned your dh is also bereaved so that is adifficult time. Is he getting any help?

It’s true I do have alot of conflicted thoughts and feelings but at least I’m trying.
My DP is struggling too but doing ok considering his recent loss. The only reason I’m out of bed this Christmas is to make things better for him. He is on AD but doesn’t have the same bad history with MH medication that I do.

It's ok to be on some meds for life.

Anti depressant are ongoing for many people. There is no shame in this.

I don’t judge other people for being on them but I am just weak and self-centred and I should be able to pull myself together

@Yoloinpractice there’s a phrase you might like to think about.

If you beat yourself up you just end up beaten. If you lift yourself up, you just might fly.

Try using different language about yourself, it can’t do any harm and it will gradually begin to change the way you think about yourself.

What ADs were you taking OP? Interested, as some are shocking to withdraw from.

Only citalopram 40mg

Thanks @Eyesopenwideawake but do I deserve to think differently about myself if I am really awful? Surely, that’s just deluding myself.