I came across a video xdp made for me while i was away for a week of him singing along to a song for me.
Cried for an hour and i dont know why but i feel better aout it now than before i saw the video.
i thought id dealt with it but just turns out i hadnt really thought about it.
Dont really know whats going on in my head now, Miss him so much but know im proberly better off without him. Feel like im only just realising its real i suppose i havnt felt anything in such a long time i didnt remember what it felt like to be hurting.
But i am, im hurting and im angry. Why does my life have to be shit from birth right up until this day? What did i do tht was so wrong to be tormented by life at every turn.
It cant just be me. they say bad luck comes in threes but what if my threes are different than yours?
What if my threes are:
Childhood
Adulthood
Old age.
What if im not supposed to be happy? What then? Do i accept it or do keep on trying, keep on falling in love, keep on daring to hope that it will all feel better one day only to have it all come down on top of me.
Oh i dont know, Im rambeling just felt so alone and needed to write something anywhere just to prove i exist. I know i exist but would anyone else really care?