Gone mad?

[Yesterdayschippaper]

I've reached out to crisis , I've lost my mind , can I write here ?

This could be a dissociative psychosis. Your brain is reacting to your trauma. It isn't your fault though, and you are safe now. Can you tell your husband what the voices are saying?

What exactly are you having to see the police for in a couple of weeks? No one will judge you. This is a safe place to talk. People want to help.

@beepbeepbananabread I've told my husband everything , he hasn't left me , he is a good good man. I stole £10 from a house and got caught , so silly , never ever been in trouble before apart from the rape but I n get reported that. I have to go back in November on a date they've told me

The police are sometimes very helpful when it comes to mental health. Some are more understanding than others, but in my experience they have been on the most part very kind. I was suffering very badly with my mental health a couple of years ago and I would call the police because I was scared of what my thoughts were saying. They would come and sit with me, ask me what was going on, and then get a mental health nurse or psychiatrist on the phone to talk to. Sometimes they would help me have something to eat. Occasionally they would take me to A&E and I would be seen by a mental health team. The police were more helpful than the mental health team a lot of the time! The police are people too, and have often encountered more mental health cases than we realise. Have you told them about your rape? You can tell a psychiatrist first if you felt more comfortable and then approach the police about it once you were more stable.

Was it the voices that told you to take the £10 note?

Oh sweetheart, I’m pleased to hear you are in a safe space and being cared for by husband, it sounds like you’ve been through loads of assessments this week and that can be really unsettling, it all helps to get you the right support but that don’t help when you are feeling like you are and in that waiting stage

the voices are being a bully,
your clothes weren’t too short, it wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve the bad things that happened to you

hang on in there, stay warm and safe and cosy and hopefully all the assessments this week will help to get you the right help very soon

I don't know what made me take the £10 I'm out of my mind all the time with the voices , when I got taken to the station they asked if I had MH problems I said no , it's a blatant lie , but nothing has really ever been documented because I've always pretended I'm okay , the rape was over 13 years ago , I then had sepsis during birth 7 years ago and that put me on edge and the voices were there , and other incidents where I'm not alone if you know what I mean.
When I go back to the police station in November or speak to the solicitor they gave me if I say about the voices and MH they won't believe me because it's not documented and I said i didn't have mh issues

I'm so glad your husband is so supportive. He sounds very good. Make sure you tell him if you feel like the voices are telling you to hurt yourself in anyway.

The voices can't harm you, and even though they feel so intense and loud, you don't need to listen to them and they won't hurt you if you refuse to do what they say. It's very distressing to listen to them, though, it isn't nice at all, but they cannot harm you. x

You’ve been through so much and had to be so strong -
please try not to worry about not telling the police about MH issues - it was a stressful situation and very understandable that you said and did what u did - it’s not your fault and you’ve been unwell

They will believe you. If you tell the police that you're suffering from mental health issues, they will get you assesed, and will also most likely ask your husband about your MH issues too, and it will be documented. You won't get in trouble, you're what the police would class as a "vulnerable person" and they'll help you.

You should, when you get to see someone, tell a MH professional about your rape, they can help you. They'll work through your trauma with you. If you tell them your history it will help them understand your issues better and where they are coming from.

Your rape is NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong. The voices are trying to convince you otherwise, but the voices are wrong.

I definitely dont think you are going mad. I heard from a therapist. That if you are wondering if your mad. Then you aren't. Because mad people don't know they have gone mad. You are experiencing a manic episode maybe? Im sorry your struggling to get help. I would reach out to trauma therapists? Maybe emdr therapy? I am going to try it too as my mental health has been a battle field at times. Due to past traumas. Im really sorry your feeling this way and i hope you get support and know that we all have internal monologues, but when we are spinning our inner voice can appear louder and more prominent. I know you will be ok Xxx

@beepbeepbananabread I dare not telk the police about my MH issues or the rape from years ago , the voices say to keep quiet and it's ALL my fault , if I obey them it's best I think. It's still another 4 weeks before I have to go back to the police station , I can't suddenly tell them all this , makes me look even weaker.
I'm lonely even in a room of a thousand people

Have you told your husband that that's what the voices have said?

You must feel so lonely and isolated

@beepbeepbananabread I've told my husband everything , absolutely everything , about the rape years ago (before we met ) the voices etc the £10.
He's helped me access help , he has bipolar so probably understands me more than most. People see me as this confident happy smiley person but really it's an act and I'm a wreck , have been for years , never stopped to try and process and then it all piles on and the voices berate me and try and kill me

I had what you are experiencing (it’s called psychosis) but to help you really need medication which will get rid of the voices and anxiety. It might help if you tell the medics etc that you think you have psychosis and you are hearing loud voices.

you’ve done nothing wrong and everyone (police and doctors) will want to help you as you are poorly.

you should show doctor the messages you’ve written on here as it might help get the treatment you need.

I promise you that you can get better with treatment. I did. But you need medication.

take care. A&E is also option if you feel very overwhelmed by the voices.

I’m so sorry you’re suffering so much. You’ve been through extreme trauma. What happened to you wasn’t your fault. How you’re feeling now isn’t your fault. And stealing that money wasn’t your fault either. You’re not well. I’m sure the police will only caution you even without knowing that you’re going through mental health struggles. I know the police thing probably feels very official, but it will all be ok.
Does your husband know how bad things are for you right now, about the voices and what they’re saying? Have you got support in these extreme moments of despair you’re feeling? Please don’t be afraid to call 999 if you feel like you might harm yourself, because that is an emergency and you deserve to be helped. You deserve to get the support you need to come out the other side and find healing and peace from all you’ve been through. You’re going through a horrendous time, but you’ve got to keep fighting it because your child needs you. Whatever the voices are saying, they’re lying. You are loved and you are not a bad person. You’ve experienced traumatic events which is causing a mental health crisis but that is not your fault. None of this is your fault.
I truly hope you receive the support you need soon, I can see the pain in your messages… And you don’t deserve to feel this way anymore because you are a good person and you are trying your best to fight battles that no one sees. Please don’t give up on yourself. You can and will get through this. ♥️

It is all my fault, all of it , I'm a useless person, I don't deserve life or help , they say I'm not worthy of life , im scared of police and doctors , no good will come of anything

No you’re not. This is not your fault, you just need help. Keep badgering services. I know you shouldn’t have to but it is the only way to get listened to.

Kindly OP, I think since you’ve had voices for years, it’s suddenly gof worse, you are being yold to harm yourself and you’re not on any medication, I think you need a Mental Health Act assessment.

Here is some information for you:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/nearest-relative/sectioning-and-guardianships/#:~:text=The%20UK%20Government%20is%20changing,can%20make%20an%20application%20to:

Thank you , I went to A and E and it was just another assessment, I tried to say how I feel and what's happening , more people referral a I think , I am home now , I'm freezing so will have some tea to drink and keep warm , thank you to everyone who talked to me

I’m sorry they didn’t do anything more proactive. Do you think you should be in hospital? I find they listen far more to my husband than to me, can your husband kick up a fuss?

Just saw your thread but I am glad youre home safe. You will be okay girl, I know it doesnt feel like it, but slowly you will get through this ❤️

Hi OP, I couldn’t read and run so I wanted to send my love and a virtual cuddle . First thing I want to say is you’re not alone even though you feel like you are. I suffer with severe depression and anxiety and a few years ago I thought I was hearing voices from the Devil which at the time terrified me . I also thought I was getting signs and my partner (now ex) convinced me that that was the case . Night times were the worst and at the time I dreaded 3am in the morning as I once heard that was the ‘devils hour’ and my mind went into complete overdrive at this time. I remember once just being walking the streets at 3am barefoot . I was very unwell and I was seeing the crisis team on a daily basis . Unfortunately I tried to take my life and the police found me and took me to hospital. My mum said I looked completely broken and I ended up under voluntary section for 7 weeks. I did feel safe in there but I still had voices . Unfortunately I was also in an abusive relationship at the time so that made things so much worse . A lot happened last year and I had a breakdown and ended up going to stay at a crisis house which did help me a lot .
Please don’t let anyone fob you off OP. You’re not crazy, you’re unwell . And most importantly YOU MATTER ! Have you tried contacting Rethink? They were the ones that funded the crisis house and they helped me a lot . If you ever need to chat I’ll be here . Sending you a virtual hand hold xx

@Imbluedalale I'm so grateful you have taken the time to talk to me , I am so sorry for what you've been through it sounds so scary.
I went to A and E because that's what people here advised me to do , I went alone , ,my husband couldn't go with me as we have a child and I didn't want him going there too. I completed another assesment , must have done at least 6 now and now I've come home again , I don't want to scream or shout at them , I don't know what I expect from them , I just wanted to get my thoughts out and say what the voices have told me and all that stuff

What did the hospital say? Did the crisis team come and see you at the hospital? I feel like you’ve been fobbed off and really do think you need extra support . Is there any other hospitals near you? Sorry for all the questions xx