in your opinion/if you have it or have family members, friends, colleagues or a partner/ex-partner with it, does BPD deserve the negative representation it often gets as a condition, in the popular media and also in real life ?

[Nonoanddefintelyno]

I read somewhere that bpd can be compared to having full thickness, raw burns all over ones body as a representation of how it feels for people with BPD to try and get through a day where the otherwise smallest social interaction, look or body language change, can cause genuine alarm, fear of abandonment or provoke intense anger in someone with the condition. I imagine it must be really shitty to deal with as the sufferer and i generally feel like virtually everyone with BPD has developed the condition because they have been exposed to or have had to experience a higher number of traumatic life events compared to the general population. Ive often heard BPD be described as the form of PTSD that never actually got diagnosed so it just turned into BPD because it wasnt recognized that it started as PTSD initially

In my experience it's the label young people (especially women) presenting to MH services were given 20 years ago. Nowadays such people are more likely to be given a neurodiversity diagnosis. I think it's a misdiagnosis for ND & trauma. Full disclosure - I was given a BPD diagnosis in the early 00s at age 19. My kids and one of my parents have ND diagnoses. I'm on the fence about whether to get assessed myself - it would be nice to know but probably won't change anything.

Family member and a friend have it and it is very tricky.

Neither of them, when triggered, have any capacity for other people having feelings of their own. Zero capacity.

The emotions of the BPD take over any situation sometimes the situation is actually really benign but perceived as an emotional threat to the person and the reaction is enormous.

It is exhausting to try to manage.

We have had to put in significant boundaries with the family member which she rejects completely. Her behaviour is actually harmful towards others.

It is much easier with the friend where the boundaries and expectations are a bit easier.

We have tonnes of ND in the family BPD bares absolutely no resemblance when you know the difference.

This is why I think it's often a misdiagnosis though. I've been in the same relationship since I was 17 (over 20 years ago) and have never been abusive. My main symptoms were basically depression/anxiety/SH/using alcohol to cope with emotions.

What you say makes me feel pretty horrible tbh. I have wondered if the diagnosis means I'm not a real person at times, as it's literally a "wrong" personality.

I'm sorry your ex was so awful but not all those with BPD are like that.

Actual personality disorders are horrendous and absolutely they do deserve the reputation yes, though I will say I don’t alway think the diagnosis is correct.

I agree with this. After reading up on BPD a while ago, I was convinced I had it. I have since been diagnosed as ND, my teen years were traumatic but probably due to being autistic/adhd, most ND people have been through trauma, mainly due to people not understanding us when we were younger (and us not understanding ourselves). I do still wonder if I do have BPD and have even questioned if I have NPB because my mental health has always been all over the place and I feel I have treated people badly and been over emotional at times.

I am not in a relationship, I have never really been able to hold down a relationship other than when I was married to my DC’s father…..but that was so hard.

I think BPD does get a bad reaction from people but I can see why. It’s possibly one of the most extreme MH conditions to have and probably one of the hardest for people on the outside (friends and family) to deal with.

This is partly why I think it's often a misdiagnosis though. Myself and several friends who were told had BPD 20 odd years ago, were struggling a lot back then. But once our lives got to a place where we could be stable (for me this meant things like stable employment and living with my partner rather than flatmates) those symptoms went away. I've not been involved with any MH teams or taken medication for 15 years now, yet BPD is still all over my notes.

I will concede that there are those for who the label fits but my experience is that almost everyone I've known given the diagnosis actually turned out to be autistic.

I have bpd and get treat like absolute shit by medical professionals because of it their is such a stigma. Its usually caused by severe childhood abuse then you become an adult and get this label plastered all over your medical records which leads to more abuse. People think your going to kick off so their defensive before you even open your mouth.

I think that it is a lazy diagnosis and, on a bad day, most people could probably tick enough boxes to get a diagnosis. A psychiatrist I saw for PTSD gave me the diagnosis of BPD because she didn’t believe that I’d been raped and, therefore, I couldn’t have PTSD and must have made it up as part of my BPD. It was a weird spiral that was very difficult to argue my way out of (in the end, I sued her which was pleasing and found a psychiatrist who agreed that her diagnosis was, to quote him, bollocks).

I’m only giving my opinion in response to the OP and I do not know you.

I was so grateful when I found online communities of people who live with partners with BPD or who have left the relationship. The advice across the board was simple and unanimous: run and don’t look back.

My ex was a suspicious, manipulative, controlling bastard, all because of his fears of rejection and abandonment. A great many people with BPD are abusive. As a symptom of their disordered personalities, but that’s irrelevant as far as I’m concerned when it harms others.

I’ve heard through the grapevine that he considers himself a “survivor” of suicide now. He was never going to commit suicide. It was just his last ditch attempt to stop me from leaving him. Apparently not driving his car off a bridge as he told me he was going to, makes him a survivor.

I will concede that there are those for who the label fits but my experience is that almost everyone I've known given the diagnosis actually turned out to be autistic.

I definitely agree that it has been misdiagnosed but growing up around autism and having cousins, a parent and children with it, it presents very differently than BPD.

The emotional reactivity is not the same as meltdown for example. The sensory experiences are different. The lack of special interest/hyper focus, they are the differences off the top of my head but if I sat down to this about it there would be many more. The extreme lack of empathy is more like NPD when triggered not in the protective way of meltdown it is very different.

Agree. They deserve the reputation to protect other people in my opinion.

Absolutely agree with this. BPD is nothing like autism.

Wow. That's vile, bigoted and horrific.

I'm sorry your exH was an abusive cunt.

But people with BPD are ill.

The two are the not the same.

If a person is ill that deserves empathy for absolutely sure but if they are abusive whether that comes for a PD like ASPD/NPD or BPD then expecting empathy from the victims of the abuse is not appropriate.

The empathy needs to come from people who are not harmed by them and who can support them in their growth.

I was diagnosed with bpd over the phone by a psychiatrist id never met or spoken to previously the phone call lasted 40 minutes I was told within about 20 minutes do you think thats right. She had made that decision solely based on the fact im female and had an abusive childhood im now stuck with this diagnosis on my medical records even if I got it removed which is really difficult to do it would never be taken of my records

I couldn’t care less what you think about it. I’ll reserve my sympathies for those who are ill and don’t ruin the lives of others.

This doesn't change my lived experience of it being a misdiagnosis for pretty much everyone I know who ever got the label.

Perhaps it is less of a misdiagnosis now than it was 20 years ago? There is a lot more awareness about ND now, it was practically unheard of for adult women to be diagnosed as autistic back then.

I just don't see how it could be right for me when I've been generally stable for over 15 years - nothing like what is described here.

Perhaps we need to differentiate between genuine BPD and misdiagnosis. The stories from people here about others they know are horrific and honestly nothing like the life experience or myself (or the friends who are now diagnosed as autistic).

When was this and how is your mental health now?

Probably about 5 years ago it was around covid time. My mental health is very up and down.

I have a sibling with a diagnosis of BPD, although I suspect it's probably ADHD that has been left to fester. They are now middle aged and will never have a long term relationship or a permanent job. It's been a fucking nightmare, for them, but also everyone around them.

This is exactly how I feel about it. I am still in therapy after being severely emotionally abused by someone with BPD. I have a PTSD diagnosis as a result of it. Terrible. The damage this person did to me cannot be put into words.

I have a cousin with a recent diagnosis but it isn't something I had previously heard of. She was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD a few years ago. I am sorry to those who have suffered in relationships with people with BPD. Is there treatment or strategies to support those with BPD?

Perhaps we need to differentiate between genuine BPD and misdiagnosis. The stories from people here about others they know are horrific and honestly nothing like the life experience or myself (or the friends who are now diagnosed as autistic).

That is a very good point. I can see how for people with limited experience of ASD they might not be able to differentiate the traits out but the two people I know diagnosed with BPD (one family member on the other side to the autistic family side and one friend) are not autistic by any measure on the triad of impairment and their behaviour is very much outside of the realm of normal and damages their ability to maintain relationships and in one case is actually harmful towards others.

I do often wonder if certain presentations of NPD are also misdiagnosed as BPD because that family members father is extremely abusive and I would say narcissistic. She definitely shows signs of what looks like NPD in spite of being diagnosed as BPD.

I’m so sorry. I understand what you’ve been through.