I’m feeling really lost with my family and don’t know what to do.
A while ago my BIL behaved horribly towards my best friend — to the point that it’s impossible for them to ever be in the same room again. I posted about it at the time, he was aggressive, homophobic and egregiously nasty.
This wasn’t just someone on the sidelines, it’s someone who’s been on holidays with us, spent Christmas with us, very close. I said I was upset about BIL’s behaviour and was basically told to “get over it.” Since then, it feels like I’ve been cast out for daring to speak up.
My mum insists she’s about “kindness” and “values,” but she’s never once called him out. Instead, everyone seems to have closed ranks around him. My sister (his wife) is annoyed with me, and my other sister has started ignoring me for no reason.
The final straw was when my sister went behind my back and messaged my ex (who was abusive) to arrange for my son to go to her child’s birthday party (on my weekend). She didn’t even message me first. I find that totally inappropriate and sly, given what she knows about the abuse.
On top of that, they all recently went for a family photoshoot and I wasn’t invited. My oldest sister and niece came back from where they live abroad and I tried to reach out, and she ignored me. It feels like I’ve been erased.
I’m dreading Christmas. I feel like I’ve got no family. The hurt of my sister messaging my ex instead of me is not something I can just “get over.” I desperately want a functional relationship with family, but not one where my views and feelings are constantly sidelined. I’ve genuinely done nothing wrong other than say BILs behaviour was really awful. I can't understand why me being upset is worse than the behaviour in the first place.
I don’t want to prevent my son having relationships with his cousins and grandparents, but I also don’t want him around this toxic mess or people who deliberately cut me out. In truth, I feel much more peace when I have no contact at all, but then they pop up vaguely here and there and reopen the hurt.
AIBU to feel completely excommunicated and like there’s no way back from this?