Doing all the things I know make me worse

[MsGoodenough]

I'm feeling suicidal. I know scrolling endlessly on my phone makes me worse. Eating badly makes me worse. Procrastinating makes me worse. Talking about it makes me worse. Yet here I am doing all of them. Staying awake all night. Feel like I'm on a runaway train headed to oblivion. I know I have to stay alive for DD but I've fucked everything up. Has anyone been here and got out. How do I start looking after myself? Both work and partner are sick of me. I don't help myself. I should be in bed by now but am sat scrolling Mumsnet. I am utterly useless.

The swimming is amazing isn’t it ?!

Yes. I've come over all evangelical about it!

Sadly I've fallen apart again. Just feel so sick of the endless cycle.

I took have fallen apart so I feel your pain , I wish all your pain and worries would vanish and you could start over , I wish they for everyone here that's struggling , I know my words are crappy but I just wanted you to not be alone. I'm sure in a class of 30 or even 300! you'd still be alone. I'll try and be with you in my thoughts x

Just reading back the thread. I had a few months' respite now back to how I was. About to a hit routine because if I don't I won't sleep, but scrolling instead of exercising! Off to exercise now. I must do this! I must keep going. Xx

Am with you, and am scrolling - it’s so bad for my mental health and for getting anything done, and even for thinking. Much much better to remember to turn off the screen and move.
good luck, you can do this - as someone told me, it’s a journey. ( with potholes!)