Anxiety and panic attacks in a really bad way

[potterface29]

Hi,

Not sure if this will help but I need support and advice.

I'm so anxious all the time at the moment. It's debilitating. I feel like I can't function. I feel like my kids would be better off without me. My husband would be better off without me. I have had anxiety since I was 10 and I have gotten to breaking point twice in my life once when I was 27 just had a baby and another relapse when I was 30.

And I'm close to saying this is another relapse. A major driving force in my mental health journey is emetophobia, it's plagued my life and I'm ashamed to say I still have it now despite many attempts to ride myself of this fear I just cant.

I recently changed anti depressant dose and if I'm honest I don't feel like the medication I am on is working for me. Or doing anything. Really wanted to try propranolol but doctors are always wary because I have low BP and asthmatic.

I have two young kids almost 4 and 7 one who I still breastfeed which I'm embarrassed to say to people as I'm concerned of opinions but she loves it so much and I can't take that away from her when I'm not mentally well.

I feel on the verge of panic all the time. I struggle to eat and drink when I'm like this which doesn't help the overall wellbeing I know. My husband wants to help but has a busy full time job and I'm terrified of adding more stress to his plate. What good am I to him if I can't look after my kids properly, or myself.

I just don't know what to do. I would contact crisis but I'm afraid of all the visits and that causing worry for my kids.

Please if anyone has any advice or positive hope let me know. Thank you

This was me a few weeks ago. I have a panic disorder. Propranolol helped in low doses but it wasn’t the fix.

The best thing I did was find a PTSD and OCD therapist. Can you do the same? not for necessarily for CBT

I still get glimmers of panic. I feel sick with high cortisol every morning. I hate it. my poor husband :(

Anyway, hope you’re ok OP - it’s the worst feeling in the world 💐

What happened when you were 10? Finding, and dealing with, the original cause or trigger is always the best way of resolving anxiety.

This video might be of interest;

BTW, your husband and children would NEVER be better off without you, it would be unthinkable.

If you need to talk to someone the Samaritans are always there - 116 123.

@Mrsloverlovers how did you find a therapist? I've been told I can't take propranolol because of asthma.

Thank you for messaging.

How long have you been on the new meds for? If you've given them a good 6-8 weeks and they're not helping you need to speak to your GP about switching to something else which I know is hell on earth itself, ask your GP if you can have a week's worth of low dose diazepam while experiencing the side effects of swapping meds - it really helped me last summer when I was in a very bad place.

Do you exercise or sleep well or meditate or practice mindfulness or have relaxing hobbies (reading, knitting, jigsaw puzzles) incorporated into your life?

Can I ask where you found your ocd specialist? Thank you.

@Nogodsnomasters thank you for your response. I don't really have energy or time for hobbies I can knit but I find the instance I pick up anything my three year old thinks it's interesting and then won't stop trying to play with the wool.

Just in a constant state of panic and anxiety at the moment I worry about the impact on my kids. They don't deserve this. No one deserves this.

That's understandable with small people around. What about exercise and sleep then? Daily walking in nature can really help. X

It sounds like you have PTSD. I was like this and went to the gp and kept asking for EMDR therapy. Honestly it has been life-changing and I actually feel relatively normal now. Before the emdr I literally felt like I was just about to die all of the time. It was debilitating.

I've been diagnosed with complex - PTSD. I tried emdr therapy but it wasn't a full course as my therapist had to leave halfway through so did some different talking therapy instead.

Cptsd is really hard. I still think it's worth asking for another course of emdr though. Also if you arent on pip, that might be worth applying for as you could use it to get some extra support for the household like a cleaner or someone to cook meals?

Emdr is the gold standard for treating PTSD. It is more complex with cptsd but still worth persevering with. Other talking therapies are not as effective so don't let them brush you ofd.

Where did you see that EMDR is the gold standard for PTSD?

Tbh there are many studies (results of which are online) that show it's high level of effectiveness and many psychologists and psychiatrists agree it's the gold standard treatment. If you look at the PTSD UK charity website it gives you the figures too of the treatment success rate.

@Geneticsbunny thank you for your reply.

I had to call crisis line yesterday. I'm afraid of the impact this will have on my two children. They said they were going to contact the schools about my mental health and now I'm freaking out.

I do have an appointment today with a mental health nurse so hoping they have some solutions.

I've not felt this bad in a long time. Panic attacks constantly. Trying to hide it from my kids. They don't deserve to see their mum this way.

OP just want to send you a handhold and hug as i know how awful this feels. Don't underestimate the effect on your mind and body of constant anxiety - it's absolutely exhausting and excruciating. I read someone describing it as being like having shards of glass in your bloodstream and that really resonated with me. I know you probably know this but remember to breathe deeply into your stomach and aim for longer breaths - I know it can be hard but it does have an immediate calming effect if you can keep it up.

I found Propanolol didn't help me as it slowed my heart but didn't affect my anxious feelings. I'm now on a low dose of Venlafaxine long-term, and that deals with my constant anxiety very effectively. I know everyone is different but that's one thing to try if you haven't already.

I combine that with mindfulness (I went on a short course), Feeling Good meditation app (free when referred by GP) and exercise when I can fit it in, especially swimming, though I know that's hard with young DC.

I still have some PTSD type symptoms like a hyper-sensitive startle response, but I feel so much less anxious day to day. I want you to know there can be a solution and you don't have to feel like this – please talk to the MH nurse and GP and mention how bad you're feeling and keep trying to sort it.

Do you mind explaining how a therapist helps you rid yourself of the anxiety? What do they get you to do?

PTSD is though to be caused by something happening to you that is so traumatic that your brain protects you by not letting you think about it. The problem is that the incident then stays in your short term memory so you constantly feel like you are still in the situation. They think that emdr works by distracting your brain, whilst you think about the traumatic memory, and that this allows you to file the memory and process it properly so that you are able to move on (to some extent). Other talking therapies like CBT can also be helpful for some people but I just found that talking about it retraumatised me so I don't think it would have worked even if I had kept going long term. Emdr worked after about 18 sessions.

@potterface29 you are doing the right thing. Asking for help is the first step.

@WhatterySquash thank you for your response. My main issue is i can't eat at the moment cause I feel sick and nauseated so I don't have the energy in constantly going from panic attack to panic attack it's debilitating. I know I need to eat but the thought of food repulses me.

I just don't want to die cause I can't eat because of my stupid phobia and brain. Not sure if I mentioned I have emetophobia so I struggle to eat as well which compounds everything.

I thought the crisis line was a beacon of hope but it wasn't. Apparently they no longer have a psychiatrist in my crisis team area so they can't even advise on medication, which is what I feel I desperately need.

Just feel like hope is lost for me and I can't eat so I'm going to die.

OP this sound so awful for you. I think you need to talk to the a GP or possibly even a&E today and say it’s an emergency because you’re not able to eat and have small DC. I know services are inadequate and slow but they should prioritise someone in an actual crisis and I think you are in one - I know you don’t want this but you have talked about people being better off without you, and about dying from lack of food - you do need help now. It would be much harder for your DC if you died, I promise you. There is help for this - it sounds like you haven’t found the right medication for you yet - and I can tell you from personal experience that you can have a better life and leave extreme anxiety behind, because it’s happened to me, thanks to a low dose of a common AD.

If you can’t face pushing for more help yet, try calling the Samaritans, and/or talk to your DH, so you can go over the situation and get more immediate support. You have posted here, that’s good because it means you know you do need support - but you need it in RL too. There may also be other helplines and crisis services depending on where you are, try Googling for them.

Keep posting here too though if it helps.

Do you know what’s triggered this relapse @potterface29 ? I totally sympathise as I was suffering really badly from anxiety and panic this time last year. A mixture of anti depressants, anti- anxiety meds, a lot of talking and one to one help, helped pull me through.

I also have 2 young children and was so worried about upsetting them but children are really resilient at that age so try not to worry too much. Do u have a good support network around you? Can you explain to your husband how you’re feeling? Even if he is busy I’m sure he’d want to try and help?

I also loose my appetite when I’m anxious, I lost about 2 stone last year where I was hardly eating! My advice for that is just try and eat when you feel like it, even if it’s just a small piece of fruit or a yoghurt, anything you find palatable!

Here for a chat if u need it xx

You sound just like me. Emetophobia and currently having a really bad time with anxiety and panic attacks. I took citalopram for years and guessing it started to stop working, add in catching norovirus I'm October, I've been spiralling since then. I'm currently 3 weeks into fluoxetine and still having bad anxiety and panic attacks. I just want it to stop

Hello, I had really bad panic attacks for a while a few years ago and I’m also asthmatic and have had CPTSD and PTSD from childhood/different events.

My GP gave me pericyazine tablets while I was having panic attacks, specifically because I couldn’t take much else with being asthmatic. I took them ad hoc when I could feel an attack coming on - I think it was max 3 a day or something. It was hard to predict when an attack was coming, and I’d have a big energy crash after the tablets which didn’t help, but it did help to have something in my bag. Obv have a chat with your GP to see if it’s right for you, but do push them for help.

Op how are you? @potterface29

I'm still very much the same sadly. Struggling to eat feel sick all the time retch multiple times a day no energy as not eating properly. Been on sertraline for 4 weeks and now wondering if there's no hope.

Think this might have turned into an eating disorder now. Can't face my future. Really scared.

Nothing calls me down. It's the evening when I sleep as I'm so exhausted. Only respite I get is when I'm asleep.