So i was abused age 3 yrs but probably before that
The abuser realy hurt me physically they would always be clothed me naked
They had a set pattern of implements they would use and insert and count i always had to lay still
Some where large small Sharpe hot sometimes the pain was hard . I taught myself to disassociate and go into the light on the ceiling
I would get bad water infections and kidney infections from the un sterile objects missed alot of school being unwell 😫
Get this i was so trained by the abuser i even went around collecting the kit before the ritual began it was all set in a row and in order the abuser would wear a mask like in covid but this was in the 70s
People didn't look for abuse much back then .
I was 7 when referred to psychological services by school because of my reclusive inability to interact with others and an eating disorder
In my notes I am described as a very sad lonely little girl .
My abusers female still alive
My dad died of cancer when I was 9yrs old my mum who caught the abuser abusing me when I was 8 and it stopped
She died in 2011
I have 2 Sisters much older than me I am the youngest
So I had therapy
I confronted abuser they agreed that they did this just as discribed my mum caught them so my sister knew from me and her
So I came out with the truth to my sisters they and rest of family immediately said I'm dead to them
Why would I be the bad one
So I guess I've never fitted in however I was part of a family but now I'm not
I feel if I died tomorrow no one would attend my funeral
Maybe some folk like me just annoy people and I don't get how all this socialisation works feeling bad and sad alone