Oh sweetheart xxx
I too am a survivor of child trauma and my family hate me talking about it. I reduced contact with them while I did therapy and worked self help books. That is what I'd recommend for you.
Pay for therapy.
Buy self help books - 'The Courage to Heal' for starters, and also 'Purple Dragon Mother, healing for survivors of child abuse.'
There are tons of other ones.
Take time out of your life to get into this - all the facets of it - what you went through, how it changed you, what you have lost, the present day coping mechanisms, what you feel has been screwed up as a result of going through this.
Then work out a plan for how to resolve all of those things.
My experience was that the years passed anyway and it was better to put them to good use - it took me about six years of hardcore work and then just forever afterwards to really get to grips with healing this massive wound.
Remember that you didn't deserve it and you can overthrow much of the results. You can shape your life from here on. You must protect yourself from your family though - if you want to see them, don't ask for or expect any care on this subject because often families close ranks of survivors like us and hate us talking about it, and that causes more hurt - protect yourself. 'Purple Dragon Mother' has an excellent section on how to deal with families of origin within abusive families.
XXX