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Where do I belong - *GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF CSA - MNHQ CONTENT WARNING*

11 replies

Thecockroachinthedark · 21/09/2024 20:27

So i was abused age 3 yrs but probably before that
The abuser realy hurt me physically they would always be clothed me naked
They had a set pattern of implements they would use and insert and count i always had to lay still
Some where large small Sharpe hot sometimes the pain was hard . I taught myself to disassociate and go into the light on the ceiling
I would get bad water infections and kidney infections from the un sterile objects missed alot of school being unwell 😫
Get this i was so trained by the abuser i even went around collecting the kit before the ritual began it was all set in a row and in order the abuser would wear a mask like in covid but this was in the 70s
People didn't look for abuse much back then .
I was 7 when referred to psychological services by school because of my reclusive inability to interact with others and an eating disorder
In my notes I am described as a very sad lonely little girl .
My abusers female still alive
My dad died of cancer when I was 9yrs old my mum who caught the abuser abusing me when I was 8 and it stopped
She died in 2011
I have 2 Sisters much older than me I am the youngest
So I had therapy
I confronted abuser they agreed that they did this just as discribed my mum caught them so my sister knew from me and her
So I came out with the truth to my sisters they and rest of family immediately said I'm dead to them
Why would I be the bad one
So I guess I've never fitted in however I was part of a family but now I'm not
I feel if I died tomorrow no one would attend my funeral
Maybe some folk like me just annoy people and I don't get how all this socialisation works feeling bad and sad alone

OP posts:
ClaraMumsnet · 21/09/2024 20:41

We're so sorry for what you've gone through, OP.

We're just letting you know we've added a content warning to the title, as it wasn't clear what the thread was about until opening it. We've also moved it to our Mental Health section.

NinaOakley · 21/09/2024 20:44

You belong in the human race and you deserve so, so much better than the experiences life has given you.

While sexual experiences and friendships have always been very positive things for me, there are other areas of life where I know “my shit” is too much for a social relationship. Some things need to be shared and worked through with a professional. It sounds like you have been let down very badly.

please hold on. Talk to us, call the Samaritans if you need to.

endofthelinefinally · 21/09/2024 20:49

I am so sorry this happened to you. I suggest you contact the NSPCC. You can email them if it is too hard to speak.
They will reply and they will contact the police for you if you want them to. They will help you to find support.

Berga · 21/09/2024 20:50

I believe you. I'm sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve it. You are not bad. You do not deserve to be treated like this by your family.

You need an outlet for all this. Can you access counselling?

LivelyGoldOrca · 21/09/2024 20:52

I think you are amazing. Socialise on your terms. Try clubs or art groups or classes that you want to do and link minded people will be there.

emdr is a great thing, but an experienced person is needed. Fuck the lot of them.

hugs x

something2say · 21/09/2024 21:03

Oh sweetheart xxx

I too am a survivor of child trauma and my family hate me talking about it. I reduced contact with them while I did therapy and worked self help books. That is what I'd recommend for you.

Pay for therapy.

Buy self help books - 'The Courage to Heal' for starters, and also 'Purple Dragon Mother, healing for survivors of child abuse.'

There are tons of other ones.

Take time out of your life to get into this - all the facets of it - what you went through, how it changed you, what you have lost, the present day coping mechanisms, what you feel has been screwed up as a result of going through this.

Then work out a plan for how to resolve all of those things.

My experience was that the years passed anyway and it was better to put them to good use - it took me about six years of hardcore work and then just forever afterwards to really get to grips with healing this massive wound.

Remember that you didn't deserve it and you can overthrow much of the results. You can shape your life from here on. You must protect yourself from your family though - if you want to see them, don't ask for or expect any care on this subject because often families close ranks of survivors like us and hate us talking about it, and that causes more hurt - protect yourself. 'Purple Dragon Mother' has an excellent section on how to deal with families of origin within abusive families.

XXX

LipsyL · 22/09/2024 12:39

Thecockroachinthedark · 21/09/2024 20:27

So i was abused age 3 yrs but probably before that
The abuser realy hurt me physically they would always be clothed me naked
They had a set pattern of implements they would use and insert and count i always had to lay still
Some where large small Sharpe hot sometimes the pain was hard . I taught myself to disassociate and go into the light on the ceiling
I would get bad water infections and kidney infections from the un sterile objects missed alot of school being unwell 😫
Get this i was so trained by the abuser i even went around collecting the kit before the ritual began it was all set in a row and in order the abuser would wear a mask like in covid but this was in the 70s
People didn't look for abuse much back then .
I was 7 when referred to psychological services by school because of my reclusive inability to interact with others and an eating disorder
In my notes I am described as a very sad lonely little girl .
My abusers female still alive
My dad died of cancer when I was 9yrs old my mum who caught the abuser abusing me when I was 8 and it stopped
She died in 2011
I have 2 Sisters much older than me I am the youngest
So I had therapy
I confronted abuser they agreed that they did this just as discribed my mum caught them so my sister knew from me and her
So I came out with the truth to my sisters they and rest of family immediately said I'm dead to them
Why would I be the bad one
So I guess I've never fitted in however I was part of a family but now I'm not
I feel if I died tomorrow no one would attend my funeral
Maybe some folk like me just annoy people and I don't get how all this socialisation works feeling bad and sad alone

My sincere apologies for what you have gone through. I cannot understand how that must feel I can't remember my childhood till I was nrly 11. I have been in abusive relationship 3 X,s and just left my abusive marriage of 30yrs. I'm not sure where I belong in this world as lost contact with my family and Children. I care and I mean that so other's will. Thoughts are with you and a friend if needed. All the best to you

Thecockroachinthedark · 25/01/2025 18:39

Thank you all I realy struggle with the rules of socialisation at school breaks I would sit in the loo curled up until the bell went . If in a busy place I still do this sometimes anxiety makes me want to be against the wall invisible and escape . Then there's another part of me that's loud comedian and mother earth huggyand then the part that attracts narcs where I sit for hours listening until exhausted
Non of these pasonas feel nice 😌
How do you make friends 🧡 and find balance I just think I'm to much feel I'm not right for out there

OP posts:
Thecockroachinthedark · 25/01/2025 18:42

Blessings this is so helpfull.you are so wise I know i myself have floors and I am a massive of inco distances that drive people mad 😠 😡 I guess they feel like stop and get on with it the past is in the past

OP posts:
something2say · 28/01/2025 20:31

A past like that tho sweetie....thats a big past and its sort of disrespectful to expect to suddenly stop thinking about it. It took me many years of working things to really get over my past and for it to stop haunting me. My best tip to you is to get books on shit childhoods and read them and follow the thinking in them. x You don't just out this behind you, you deserve time to work it out, and work out how it affects you, and then heal all of that x

Thecockroachinthedark · 08/02/2025 22:56

I am saving up so I can afford a ock thank you

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