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Mental health

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Original poster

Can you be programmed to be miserable?

27 replies

OverwhelmedAnonymous · 14/09/2024 18:38

I have a very fortunate, comfortable life.

And I am very, very unhappy.

This is showing in mental and physical symptoms now, and I feel so close to just wanting to give up, to crawl into a hole and stay there. I dont know what to do.

I have a very well paid and interesting job, it’s high pressure and stressful, but good work life balance etc overall considering the money and in a sector I care about. I have a lovely and children and adorable pets. A beautiful big house in the countryside. I’ve had therapy 3 times. I’m on Venlafaxine. I’ve been on Estrogel for 6 months plus mirena coil, as thought it could be peri (I am 40). I try to do yoga when I have time. I go on a spa break around once every 1-2 years and 1-2 family holidays. We have lots of domestic help.

What the hell is wrong with me. Help me work it out please.

OP posts:

DoryFishy · 15/09/2024 16:00

I'm guessing you had CBT which is a waste of time.
You need to see a psychotherapist or trauma therapist to identify the root cause of your problems.

SorchaB · 19/09/2024 11:28

Mebebecat · 14/09/2024 20:45

So I'm sure you know OP that depression is to a large extent inherited. I say this just because there is no point in blaming your poor mother any more than you would blame her if you had inherited Huntington's. And it's no more valid than if your children go on to blame you.
It's more useful to find treatments that work for you, or behavioural changes maybe that you can build into family life to hopefully go some way to protecting your children, not from you, but from anxiety and depression which they may face in the future. I'm guessing nowadays we have a lot more treatment options and therapies than were available even 20 years ago.

I found this to be of some comfort. I never suffered from anxiety or depression until my 3 children were 2,4 and 7. There was a lot of other stresses at the time and I think after having the 3rd so soon after the 2nd I was just absolutely wrecked. A minor event happened when the youngest was two and I developed anxiety, rumination, catastrophising, self blame, constant seeking reassurance and eventually was bedridden with depression. My dh was amazing and cared for us all and held the family together. I did recover but had a some recurrence episodes over the years. In particular when there was huge stress over caring for my em who had dementia I would snap with the kids so easily but in particular the eldest who I screamed at badly when we clashed. It didn’t last too long but long enough for her to remember it and to discuss it to this day and how it affected her. Overall we have a good relationship , she says she has lots of happy childhood memories too and does talk to me about a lot of things in her life . She is 23.
but I struggle hugely for what I did to her . She has forgiven me and I have often spoken to her about it. But the guilt .
so sorry OP for hijacking your thread. I wish I had mumsnet when I was the way I was so I could have spoken about it and gotten some advice and realised that mentally I was an unwell person . That was over 10 years ago and we hardly knew what anxiety was and how it could present .
please mind yourself OP and be kind to yourself

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