DH wants a divorce

[Devastatedandblue]

Sorry, im shaking as I type this. Together 21 years, married 12. No kids.

Very much my fault, I'm depressed (on sertraline) and drink too much. I'm on a waiting list for counselling. We had a drunken row last night, he said he didn't love me and was moving to spare room. In light of day he has reaffirmed that he's seeing a solicitor tomorrow.

If anyone's around for a kind word, I'd appreciate it a lot.

@stayathomegardener Thanks for sharing. That gives me hope.

You are married so joint assets

I have actually got pain in my chest. My heart is actually breaking.

I think that sertraline increases the effect of an alcoholic drink much more than without it, and that alcohol decreases the effect of the sertraline so that they anxiety returns. Have you found this?
I know it is hard but please try to stop or reduce your drinking, and allow the sertraline to work properly.
I hope that you can work through this and things work out OK for you OP.

Hi Op , I am so sorry that you are going through this . I think speaking to Samaritans and going to AA would be a great start .

Is there anyone else that you can speak to over the phone in real life , an old colleague , family members , friend that you may not be in regular contact with ?

I would try to get legal advice as soon as you can , as we don't know your circumstances /where you live so whilst well meaning others can't say definitively what are joint assets etc . I would not make any decisions until you have had legal advice - not that it sounds you are able to do so at the moment in any event .

Contacting your GP would also be good to seek out some urgent support .

You are in shock just now - concentrate on staying hydrated , eating small amounts if you can . Alcohol whilst it may be an immediate crutch for you is also a depressant so not what you need right now .

Take care

@imfae thank you so much for your kind reply. Trying to keep off Deliveroo until I can leave for AA at 1930. Will try Dr in morning.

It’s important you get your own lawyer to act solely on your behalf. DH can get his own lawyer.

You will be entitled to 50 % of assets unless you signed a pre nup.
You’ll need enough money to allow you to start again on your own.
Consider assets to be split :
pensions
savings
investments
property

Do. It's a safe space where you can talk, let all your feelings out, and you won't be judged.

But if she is, then she needs to tell someone close to her. As a pp said, if not, then she might not be in the frame mind to start talking it out.
The OP might not be entitled to half, it isn't set in stone. A court will way up all factors.

You can do this OP

Go to the AA meeting

Drink lots of tea today

See GP and solicitor tomorrow

Ring Sams if you need to

Post here too

Don't drink alcohol

You can get through this.

Do you think your alcohol dependant? I can see why your oh has come to the decision. However you can take control of this and put things in place make steps to get support and help for your depression and alcohol issues.

Sorry that this is happening to you. I’m so glad you’re reaching out to your GP who can potentially increase your medication to help with MH (if you both decide that’s appropriate) and can help you access alcohol support.

I know it’s probably impossible right now but try to think a year into the future - you’ll be feeling so much more positive then. Change can be awful and so frightening but it also offers the opportunity for different and even better ways of life. I’m rooting for you 💐.

I am so sorry you are feeling so awful @Devastatedandblue . Let this man go without a fight. Get yourself your own solicitor. That is 100% vital no matter what he says. You can't trust him. You mustn't trust him.

He's moved into the spare room. My heart is breaking. AA starts at 20h in my village. Am just sobbing.

Go to AA. Get a therapist.
Calmly tell your husband that you want to be married to him. Try to be calm.
Often when only 1 of the couple want to get divorced and 1 wants to stay married it is possible. It takes time.
Will he consider marriage therapy?
It’s ok to want to stay married. Cry, do something nice for your self each day. Get dressed, brush your teeth, go for a walk. You will need to force yourself to do it. But it helps.
Stand firm. Saying he doesn’t love you is standard. He may mean it, he may not. But it’s ok for you to want to be married.

We are rooting for you OP.

What was so bad about the wedding, or can you not remember?

You will be ok. You will get through this. I was depressed and anxious for most of my long marriage. I thought it was me. It wasn't. After we had split, I started to get better. There is hope, hang in there, it gets better.

This is just a moment in time. Many people have been where you are now and then they are in a much better place and they can't believe they let one man have such an effect on them.

So sorry you are suffering like this op.
Hang in there.
This is a tough time but it will pass-it will!

Talking to the Samaritans might be good. (The conversation does not have to be about suicide.). You can talk through all the options you think you have and set out what you want to do/what you can do. It can be wonderful to have an encouraging listener.

If divorce is going to happen- you do need your own legal help. Don't economise on this.

Don't use the sessions as therapy though- it is far too expensive- go along knowing what you want to do and find out what is possible.

Hey OP, sorry you’re having such a hard time. I think you’ve got some good advice on this thread - talk to a solicitor. I know it might be like telling you to climb Mount Everest, if you’re really struggling with your motivation due to your mental health. But the more you can do now to understand your situation and how things will pan out, the more favours you are doing yourself in the future. All good wishes to you for the next few weeks and months.

Just checking in to see how you're doing OP. I'm an alcoholic so I know how easy it is to turn to a glass three bottles of wine to lift you up.

You're probably not aware of how much your life situation is depressing you at the moment, and might find that this divorce is a new leaf for you. 😊

Morning @soberholic . Thanks for checking in. I went to my first ever AA meeting last night, and it really really helped. I was shocked. I don't have friends nearby but 3 lovely ladies have texted me today to check in.

Plan for today is pull on wellies and stomp around the block, maybe sit in church for a spell. I'm not a churchgoer but I'm feeling the need.

Thanks again for posting x

You’ve turned a corner and are doing well OP. 👍

You're so kind.

Well done on the meeting ! And great that some people are checking in on you ! Keep going x