DH wants a divorce

[Devastatedandblue]

Sorry, im shaking as I type this. Together 21 years, married 12. No kids.

Very much my fault, I'm depressed (on sertraline) and drink too much. I'm on a waiting list for counselling. We had a drunken row last night, he said he didn't love me and was moving to spare room. In light of day he has reaffirmed that he's seeing a solicitor tomorrow.

If anyone's around for a kind word, I'd appreciate it a lot.

You don’t want to hear this, but the kindest thing to say is that you need to start planning for divorce and how this will change things.

I do need to hear it.

Emotionally it's hard and the process going forward can be challenging. Who manages the family finances? If it's OH then you need to start compiling information and speak to your own solicitor so you can leave with an appropriate amount of money to start again, hopefully this will include prioritising your health and finding private or free counselling to begin with.

Take each day at a time.

Thanks. OH owns the house, manages the finances etc. Bought house with his inheritance.

You say it's all your fault, I very much doubt that. The alcohol will not help from now on try to reduce or avoid it, keep your head clear as it can be .
Emotionally things will be hard and alcohol will not help

It doesn’t matter. You are entitled to 50 percent of the equity as a starting point.

He's probably already got legal advice so do that ASAP. Do you work? Or are you relying on him for now?

I don't work, I got made redundant. Am seriously thinking of calling Samaritans.

Without kids would she still get this much at settlement?

Do it if you need to OP, and keep talking to us x

Take a deep breath, its ok to be shaken and sad. Have this moved to relationships there is lots of good advice on there. Start thinking about making copies/taking photos of all financial documents, ownership dox, bills, payslips etc. If you manage to resolve it nothing is lost. If not you are at least properly armed with information. Good luck

Are you seriously thinking about ending your life? Have you threatened this before?

Thanks for all the advice. Can't stop crying.

If you are feeling bad, yes please do call them.

OP, how long have you been feeling depressed?

Calling the Samaritans might make you feel better or it might make you feel worse so be gentle with yourself and make a plan for getting the actual legal advice that you need.

You're in shock so don't try and rush into any action. Just take a breath and focus on the present. You know why this is happening and only you can make the changes that would give your marriage a chance. Some space and distance may help you both if you're just spinning round and round on the same wheel and nothing changes.

Op, you need to start planning.

No one could say wether you would get 50:50 or more or less.

So many details would impact that. But you are entitled to something. See you own solicitor.

Drinking isn’t going to help you. Especially, going forward. This will be a difficult time but you will get through it. Reach out to get support for your drinking.

Is he controlling?
It reads like there's not much of a partnership and you seem sidelined.

A few of my friends have reluctantly divorced and found they weren't actually clinically depressed and it was more circumstances.

We dont have kids, there's no one who would mourn me. Thanks again so much to everyone for listening.

How might it make her feel worse?

Do you have supportive parents or friends?

Depends whether he bought the house before or after they got married. My exH of 20 years didn't get any of my house because I owned it outright before I met him, he had to walk away with 10K.
I don't know why people perpetuate the 50/50 myth. It very much depends on the circumstances.

@stayathomegardener Will you tell me how your friends coped, please?