How do you know if you have depression?

[Sotired22]

I’ve got 3 young kids, my youngest is a toddler and I felt fine and happy until the last month or so, even though it’s hard work. Lately I feel overwhelmed, irritable, shouty, fed up, lacking in motivation to do anything. I love my children more than life but I just wish they’d all leave me alone most of the time at the moment. It’s so hard.

I’ve put on about 20 pounds as well and hate how I look. I feel so fat and embarrassed. I don’t know how it’s crept on, too much sugar and no exercise I guess. I’m still breastfeeding but trying to wean and it feels utterly exhausting and I’m touched out. My toddler is clingy and demanding.

Am I depressed or is this just my life and I need to pull myself together? Sometimes I just feel like walking out of the house and not coming back. I wouldn’t do it obviously.

Is this how all mums feel sometimes though? I don’t know whether to make a GP appointment or stop breastfeeding asap and start exercising and losing the weight. I’ve been really trying with my diet but I’m gaining weight rather than losing and it feels awful. I think breastfeeding makes me hang on to weight. Arrghh, I feel so trapped and fed up.

summer holidays?

Well yes it is but I’ve been feeling this way for a while. It’s only been the holidays for a week.

the build up to it perhaps
and now little break
i would hang fire on thinking its depression until end of september

I don’t think it’s about the holidays. Of course they don’t help but it’s life in general, not just the lack of school. The end of September seems a long way away.

I don't mean this to be nasty but if you have depression you would know it . It's like eating a beautiful meal but not tasting it . Depression sucks the joy out of everything. Mine triggers when I feel I'm out of control of my life . I had anxiety at the same time too and it was unbearable. I wished when I went to bed that I would never wake up . I relished nodding off and going into the blackness . If you think you have depression swallow your pride and get help . Not getting help was my biggest mistake .

I would say you just know. If depressive feelings overwhelm you for prolonged periods at a time, and you're feeling negative about most things, then I think it's depression. There's no definitive test for it anyway so a diagnosis is irrelevant (and the NHS doesn't tend to diagnose, just treat, ineffectively usually).

If someone thinks they're depressed, then I tend to believe them.

Do you get breaks from the kids? I have days like this too OP. I have a 3 year old and 18 month old and a SAHM and I've had nights where I've dreaded waking up the next day and juggling everything.

Do you do anything for yourself? Any hobbies you like to do?

I had post natal after my second baby and it got to a point where the thought of getting out of bed and just brushing my teeth felt like climbing a mountain. We have extremely little child support though so I rarely got a break from my baby and toddler and, like you, I felt so bloody drained and fed up.

I started doing things for myself in the evenings when my husband was home with the kids like joining an exercise class and playing tennis with a mate, not much but it made a huge difference.

Hang in there mama x

I think you sound overwhelmed rather than depressed.

If little one is a toddler might be about time for them to stop breast feeding anyway. Can you try and do lots over summer with the kids to be as active as possible?

Agree with pp about penciling out some time for yourself being key.

For me it's a blackness inside, like being near a dementor - feeling sad or overwhelmed is different

Do you ever get any time to yourself? To recharge , do something for yourself etc.? Do you get enough sleep?

It could be depression, it could be that you are going through a tricky patch and are completely overwhelmed .

I don’t think anyone should post here telling the OP she isn’t depressed because it isn’t the same as their depression. She does sound depressed to me, and overwhelmed. It’s not top trumps ffs.

@Sotired22 It might be a good idea to talk to your GP about options for your low mood and sadness. Also are there any opportunities for extra support, so you can get a little bit more rest/time away? Do you have a partner and/or friends and family who could help a bit?

For me life feels hard.
Lifting my head from the pillow and joining a new day is hard
Engaging with others is hard
Joining up thoughts is hard
Processing a situation and coming up with an alternative solution is hard.
I lose the ability to chose. I really couldn't not give two flying shits if you make me a tea or a coffee just don't ask me to chose!
It feels like swimming through treacle and I never quite have the capacity to do what I want to do.
I'm quite a fan of spoon theory and I find it a good way to describe my mood when depressed. I have fewer spoons and tasks required more spoons and things that normally don't need spoons need spoons. I need to actively rest to get back up to a complete set and the rest of the time I am playing catch up. Just trying to keep putting one step in front of the next

so you can say she sounds depressed to you

but no one can say she doesn’t sound depressed to them

Please go and see your GP. None of us is in a position to diagnose you and it can be easy to normalise what you’re feeling when you’re actually quite poorly. Or equally you might just have a lot on your plate and be struggling. Either way, your GP should be very happy to see you, assess, hopefully come up with a plan with you and ideally follow up to see how things are. You’ve nothing to lose by making an appointment anyway and potentially lots to gain. Take care of yourself.

i disagree.... if you have never been depressed before, it can creep up on you without you knowing about it.

for those of us who have suffered depression, we all know the signs. i'm currently on the brink of an episode, and am fighting tooth and nail to not tip over the edge.

there is a very fine line between depressed and overwhelmed, and its not for us to say yes the OP is or is not depressed just because their feelings are not the same as ours?

I would sugges the OP books an appointment with their Gp and has a gentle chat! there is no stigma no assocaited with depression, its like any other illness, if it means you need a little bit of help to get better, then seek it out!

gentle hugs to you and i hope things feel brighter soon.

@persistentyes Well, yes, fair point. You got me.

But posters saying “I’m depressed and it feels like this, so no you can’t be” seem very unhelpful.

Thanks for the helpful responses. I had a few months of feeling this way when my second child was born and I never told anyone how I felt because I was ashamed and didn’t want people to think I couldn’t cope with my dc. When I came out of it I looked back and felt really ashamed of how I’d been in that time and it felt like aboujer person in a way. That’s how I feel again. Not myself. So easily annoyed and frustrated.

I do have opportunities to get small windows of time to myself, which makes me feel undeserving of feeling this way and struggling. I feel low and like I really just can’t be bothered to do anything. Can’t be bothered to go to a class, go for a walk, take the kids out. It’s all so much effort.

I usually sleep well (if the kids allow) but since I’ve been feeling in this fog I’m waking most nights in the early hours and just lying awake and can’t sleep.

Can some people have low level depression maybe where they generally function but just feel not right / not themselves? I know I’m not like some people who are in a total black hole but isn’t there a range of experiences with these things?

Yes - depression comes in a whole range of severeness.

And early morning waking and poor motivation are both symptoms. Please go and see your GP.

Yes absolutely, depression is different for all of us. You should go and see your GP, could you call your health visitor too?

Another thing is that I’m usually quite social and at the moment I just don’t feel like seeing people. I panic if a friend texts to try arrange something. That’s not me usually.

Maybe I will speak to my GP. I just didn’t know if I’m just being a bit pathetic.

You are definitely not being pathetic. It's worth speaking to the GP now and getting ahead of it. I ignored how I was feeling and it's got a lot worse recently and now I'm signed off work.

Depression comes in all shades of grey. I have had low level depression that a lot of people wouldn't have realised. I have had horrendous depression and stayed in work. I have had less bad depression and needed time off.
I am very high functioning and once had a therapy assessment and on first meeting me the therapist didn't think I qualified for the service but at the same time I was being assessed for an inpatient bed due to the severity of my depression.

I find the depressions where it just creeps up on me are the ones where my world keeps spinning and I keep going and I look like I'm functioning but am broken inside. When it comes on quicker that's when I usually end up bed bound.

I think it would be worth a chat with your GP. No one is going to think negatively because you are a mum and struggling.

I second the call to speak to your HV.
I was struggling earlier this year with life. It wasn't depression but I was exhausted due to my daughters needs. She has reflux and even though she was 3 she slept like a newborn awake every 40 minutes and only sleeping in my arms. My daughters paediatrician asked the HV to step in and she arranged some counselling with herself to talk about life as a mum with mental illness and about life as a mum to a child that has health issues and just general life. It was really helpful. I had listening appointments with my HV when my daughter was baby too. The counselling was a new service that my HV team were offering

Yes. I suffer from “double depression” which is persistent depressive disorder (pretty much constant mild to moderate depression) with occasional major depressive episodes, and it has taken me literally decades to recognise it creeping up. It can be very insidious like that. Now I actually have to get my partner to warn me when he sees it getting worse.
You should go to your GP. Good luck xx