Since I was 6 I have been anorexic. I have managed to maintain a healthy weight for quite a while now and have forced myself to put weight on to improve our chances of having another baby, but its not working.
I feel dreadful. I feel fat and dirty and i loathe my "new" body. the only thing that will make me feel better again is losing weight, but i know from experience that i cant just lose a couple of pounds. I feel low all the time, im exhausted, having migraines and have no interest in anything at all, in fact feel like i did when i had PND after ds was born. but ds is nearly 3 and i know that my low mood is more to do with my inability to have another baby than anything else.
I long to get back some control, I know that I am healthier this size , and the BDS that i had showed that years of starving myself has put me at risk from osteoporosis. the only reason Im not listening to the other side is for my ds, i know i wont be able to stop when i start iykwim and im really scared. my EDT was fab and said that if i need an emergancy appt to call, but unfortunately i will always have to live with this. i dont want to. im fed up of having these 2 sides and the bad one being the strongest, it would be so easy to just give up. what should i do? i feel so desperate.