Just need to talk to someone

[Meandmyjoe]

Hi, I have often used mumsnet as an outlet to rant and ask advice about our baby. He is 8 months old tomorrow and I'm a complete mess.

He is such an unsettled grumpy baby that sometimes I can't do anything other than cry with him. People kept telling me that it would get easier at 3 months, then 6 now 9 months. I'm so tired of waiting for the turning point and the end is never insight.

The truth is that it hasn't got easier. DS still cries at everything, won't go in a buggy, cries in the car, can not sit still. Has to be up in my arms looking around and on the move. People keep telling me this will get easier when he is mobile but the problem ishe won't spend enough time on the floor to actually learn to crawl so I have no idea how he is ever going to develop.

Today I feel so shit. Took ds to the doctors today to see if there really is anything wrong with him. I've tried talking to my health visitor but she just tells me to leave him to cry. I can't do this and I don't see the good it would do.

Anyway, had a huge argument with dh today (probably my fault). We are just so fed up of how shit our life has become. I love ds soooooo much but nothing seems to make him happy for anymore than a few minutes before he's whinging to be on the move again.

I've cried so much today. Had to litterally bite my wrist to stop me from shouting at ds. He doesn't deserve such a shit mum. I really can't make him happy. I have no family other than my sister who understand quite how demanding our baby is. It's heartbreaking when I see other people breezing along with their smiling cooing babies and I'm breaking my back pacing around with ours. He weighs 23lbs now and I'm shattered. DH works 12 hour shifts and I am so so so lonely.

Please talk to me, I really just want to run away. I would never do this as I adore our baby and my dh but things are just not getting easier.

I do carry him for quite a while in the sling but indoors he just wants to be in my arms or in his walker (which I always swore I would never buy!). I just get depressed as he is sooo big he is no where near crawling and someone told me his size could be a factor. He spends so much time in my arms I really don't think he will ever learn to crawl. Thank you for replying.

oh and

now at 2.8 she is basically fine.

she tantrums but that is about it. she is also very compassionate

have you read dr sears re high needs kids?

My ds2 cried for a year, didn't sleep, wanted to be attached to me at all times - it was very very waring adn I think I was depressed. he is a sunny teenager now smiling and happy and normal.

I think you have to get out
Go to toddler groups
make mummy friends. They will not judge you becasue your ds cries - many of them will be relieved to see a baby like theirs.

Is there a netter near you whom you could visit?
It will get better but for now you need to give into his whining iykwim
Don't expect it to be different
expect to have to carry him around - go with it -don't try and make him change or be perfect - for the moment he is who he is and if you just live with it -

I remember with ds2 trying so many things an nothing worked and the moment I just went with it - put him in a sling so he was close to me or went out on walk striding with a purpose just to get away from the whinging - things seemed sunnier
If he whinges in his high chair give him finger food on the floor (look up baby led weaning here)

One trick I HAD was to get in the car and play really really loud music

Good Luck

Yes, read lots and lots by dr sears. It explains his behaviour but doesn't really give me any advice other than to give into him and do what he wants. Which is of course my only option. I will not leave him to cry (apart from in the car when I have no choice!), I am the only thing in his world really and I would never let him feel abandoned.

I think I will just have to pull myself together and get on with it. It's bloody hard and I feel so isolated. It's just so hard to see the little boy that I adore, so unhappy with everything. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just sit and cuddle him, I'd love that- but no- I have to stand and walk with him. Just exhausted. I find that I get really bored of him which sounds awful but all I do is pace around with him, pointing at things and talking to him. He is just not a happy baby and it's up to me to deal with it.

Must admit, he does better with finger food, he prefers feeding himself. Maybe he is just really frustrated and independant- wants to be off and moving but it's killing my back!

It has to end sometime right????!

yes it will end soon and before you know it he will be staying away on a course for a week and not phoning!!!

A change is around the corner

Thank you x

crawling is a reflex iirc. they don't learn to crawl really, they become physiologically ready.

what kind of sling do you have?

also-how long are you giving him in the sling? it is normal for babies to hate it at first, esp if hey are not used to it. if you're putting him in i for the first time-make sure all the basic needs are met-he's not hungry, wet etc, then stick him in, and GO OUTSIDE and walk for 20 minutes.

But also-how long is he crying for?

has he always been like this btw?

It sounds as though you're doing everything you can and although he's no better when you're out it's still a change of scene for you and him.

I know you don't feel like it but out is def better than in.

Have the school hols finished where you are? If so all the groups will be opening again?

School finished yesterday in my area. He has ALWAYS been like this. Since about 3 days old anyway. For the first three days he just slept and ate! He's always gone on the sling. He gets bored of not being able to see in all directions so I have to put him over my shoulder, then facing forwards, then on my hip. Knackering! He's OK in the sling outside though

He doesn't cry for any length of time (unless he is really tired and I'm trying to get him to have nap. Just constantly whinges if I don't walk with him, he cries on and off but stops when I pick him up. He gets very angry and red face snd sobs if I don't respond to his whinges immediately.

My son learnt to crawl, and he spent no time on the floor, in my arms mostly!

I hope you are feeling better today?

I know you have said that you had cranio treatmnet and it didn't help but maybe you need to try someone else and give it more sessions.

My son had it, and it was amazing. The guy cleared up problems we didn't know were there and we will be forever grateful to him.

I am feeling much much better today thank you. I'm still on my own with ds but he seems a little happier today. He turned 8 months today too! He doesn't seem anywhere near as miserable as he has been for the last 8 months! I hope things are slowly improving but it might just be a 'good day'. I'll let you know if it continues.

He hasn't needed to be carried too much today and has actually spent about 2 hours on the floor rolling and playing on his play mat. Quite a break through! Never been so contented during the day so maybe me letting off steam last night has relaxed us both a bit.

I still feel a bit fragile, like the slightest thing could set me off crying but so far I'm being optimistic, thanks to all the lovely posts! I actually haven't minded being alone with ds today. He has been fun and actually wanted me to play with him snd sing to him, instead of just whinging to be carried! I've quite enjoyed it and feel like I've bonded with him even more. It's a lot easier to bond with a baby who smiles at you and doesn't break your back!

That is fabulous and just remember it the next time he cries. Don't assume he is going to go back to being miserable all the time.

Ahh good advice. Actually when he cried before his nap earlier (he always does!) I did find myself thinking, oh my God nothing's changed- he's always going to be miserable. He's not right now. He is sat next to me playing and clapping his hands (his favourite new skill!) I think I need to relax a bit and realise that babies cry. That doesn't mean he's always miserable. It's easy for me to say that today though as he has been a delight. The first day I've really enjoyed him I'm ashamed to say!

My boys all wanted to be carried abuot - thankfullythey weren't big babies! I used to try peeling potatoes one-handed, and more than one person told me I was making a rod for my own back! It got so much easier when they started walking (all of them before 10 months) but then they wouldn't go in the pushchair.
I do think it might be an idea to leave him to cry a bit before jumping up to get him. Crying babies are stressfull but don't feel judged. We've all had days like that.

Thank you captainmummy, I just want to be able to hold him and enjoy him and not contantly stood walking around with him. I feel really stupid for saying what I was saying yesterday, I'm very lucky for what I have but sometime it gets a bit too much. I'm so up and down at the moment. Somedays things look so hopeless and the next I'm fine. I really think I need some company!!!

All babies cry and some days we can cope with it, others we cant. Try and remember how good you have felt today and hopefully there will be lots more like it to come.

someone once said to me that if your baby was troublesome, then their 2's would not be terrible. And if you don't get the terrible-two's, then you'll have a horrible teenager....what I think she meant was that all kids are trouble at some stage, at least you are getting yours over with!

Hi Menadmyjoe. How are things today? Just wanted to check in and make sure you're feeling OK. x

Feeling good today thank you mrsmattie. I still have very little patience with the whinging but thankfully today ds has been lovely until late afternoon when he has woke up grumpy from his nap, he usually does in the afternoon though but it's a million times better than the day I first started this thread. I'm coping. Thank you for thinking of me.

Captainmummy, thank you for offering such a nice thought. Let's hope that ds can only improve and I won't get the awful toddler and child I am fearing! There could be some truth in it actually as my sister was a hellish baby but a lovely toddler and never any trouble as a teenager. My brother was an angel baby and was a awful teenager (never really changed and he's 27 now!) I will hang on to that thought. Thank you

can you get to toddler groups?

MeandmyJoe - you know, boys love to be cuddled, I'v got 3 and they are much more affectionate than girls of the same age. I think this is why they demand to be held, and carried about. Of course they tend to be lazy too, so would much rather you did the work than they walk or crawl. Think of it that way, because as soon as they find they can walk (if you leave him to it!) they will be off, getting into all sorts - stuff that girls don't do. (like breaking things)

Mmm I think you are right captain mummy. I don't think that it's the cuddles he wants though or else he would be happy to sit and cuddles or cradled in my arms. He's not, I can only sit with him for a minute before he is whinging and throwing himself about for me to stand and walk with him. It would be nicw if he wanted affection, i have plenty of affection to give him but it's the constant standing that's getting to me! (perhaps girls are lazy after all!!!)

I must admit though, today he has been a delight again (apart from the half hour after his afternoon nap when he grizzled and whinged til he went in his walker). We even managed to drive out of town for 15 minutes without him crying, we took him swimming (which he always loves) and actually managed to drive all the way back for 15 mins without him crying. Normal for any other baby but for us it was

Anyway, I hope things are slowly beginning to improve. I've psted on the behaviour/development board about ds before and everyone with similar babies all said that it stopped or dramatically improved about 9-10 months which we are approaching so I am at least hopeful now. I think the other day just got too much and ds was being a nightmare. I am still sick of being on my own but today dh has been off work so that helps a lot.

I was just worried as I couldn't see any end to it the other day. All I could do was cry and was so scared about the type of child ds will become. It seems herd to believe that he can become well adjusted and 'normal' sometimes. All we have to do is kiss him or move him 2 inches and he cries. He is very fussy, although hasn't been the past couple of days. Yesterday was fun with him and I was on my own too so things must be improving (allbeit slowly).

Thank you so much everyone. I will appologise in advance if I happen to break down and come back on here sobbing again! It's just nice being able to speak to adults for a change. I will keep you posted on our progress.

I'm so glad he is getting better! I think it's not (just) the cuddles - I think they really do want to be walked abuot. I supppose it's more interesting for them. Does he love a bath too? I used to say to MIL when she babysat, that if she couldn;t get one of them off, she could put him in the bath.She couldn't walk about with them (bad back ) so this worked better.
Whereabouts are you? Isn't there anyone who you could meet upwith? It's easier with 2!