General support thread 2

[Helplessandheartbroke]

All welcome. No judgement and kindness all around x

Human yes but also I was in the wrong. A very hard lesson to learn. Trying not to get stuck.

May I join you?

I started anti depressants two weeks ago after resisting for six months.

I'm currently experiencing high anxiety as I settle on them. I'm not convinced the dose is high enough but we will see.

Priority is just take it day by day as been really out of sorts.

I may not always reply to people but will try.

Welcome :) good Job letting the antidepressants settle. It can take some time to find the right ones amd then adjust but it's worth it.

@CustardPies4 welcome! We're all here for a hand hold. What meds have you been put on?

@JamSandle you need to find away to accept it and be kind to yourself. None of us are perfect. It's probably not the first mistake you've made and it certainly won't be the last. You need to ask yourself what made you like someone else... that tells me the relationship maybe wasn't right? X

@JamSandle @Helplessandheartbroke thank you. It's citalopram. I've taken them before but I had let it get to a very bad stage of brain overload this time before starting them which was naughty. I should have started them much sooner but I was stubborn. The GP also said this was in particular known for people getting worse first. I went back to see the GP after a week as I thought I was going mad. I was a total wreck.

I think, personally, I’ve had relationships but if you have hormonal issues (I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid in my late 30s which explained a lot) and maybe mental health ones too, you can attract the wrong people.

That’s not to say you can’t meet someone. I met a lovely jewellery maker who’s ND but don’t think she’s properly diagnosed yet. She’s married and her DH obvs supports and loves her.

The one thing I would say, 35 was the panic age for me. Don’t panic.

@fara20 thank you so much for sympathising with me!

I had no idea anxiety and depression gets worse in peri and menopause. In one sense I’ve felt much better since I was off BCP at 30 but in another way I feel I almost slept walk my way through my issues and ignored them. I didn’t have anxiety or depression so I was ok right? I’m wondering if I’m ND (don’t think I am just PTSD) but then the thought of being on tablets for it frightens me.

I wish I could be me, like me and not have so much noise in my head. And stop worrying. I go through real phases (not always this way) of being very up and down. Funnily enough, my dad, who I didn’t really know, well he was an alcoholic but his DM told my DM or hinted at mental illness to me, not sure what. My younger half brother has suffered with mental health, I think manic depression. I just want to enjoy life and be a nice person.

Me neither - I was very ignorant of all that menopause involves, probably wilfully.

I feel the same, I want to like myself and stop beating myself up. I had a crappy childhood and underestimated or dismissed how much damage that did I think. When I look back now I feel like I've just been trying to survive and get through.

My childhood wasn’t bad per se but I had a strict stepfather. And then had the most horrendous hormonal insomnia mini nervous break down episodes about maybe 4 of them which seemed to get better when I got put on the pill.

what doesn’t help now is no one talks about menopause… or not much! It still seems like a dirty little secret, if you go back on HRT like a friend did recently it’s seen as taboo to say this

Do you think your liking yourself is:

a) mental health related
b) maybe mild autism
c) other

Doctors I generally find are useless with depression or anxiety, though well meaning. And the one doctor I said b) to said “oh no not you” as if a seemingly normal white MC woman got this.

I’m also petrified of antidepressants, partly down to doctors putting me as a 13 year old on Valium, strong sleeping pills and Largactyl (I didn’t need that at all and was climbing the walls on it!).

Big hug to you though. It does help speaking to someone albeit on a keyboard.

Don’t feel that way. I’m older than you and thank god there was no social media around back then.

There are so many stresses today that I do think a lot of your peers are like swans, so on the surface everything is fine yet underneath it’s not.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain please don't take this the wrong way but I feel the term ND is being put out there too much these days where its impacting people who are genuinely suffering. My ds is non verbal and autistic and if people lived a day in our life I don't think the term would be used so freely. I also hate that my son has these labels but we needed the diagnosis to help with his education.

There will be a lot of adults that are ND but if you've made it to adult hood with no help through education then you've done ok.

I'm just trying to say if someone has 'mild autism' whatever that may mean, they don't need the same help as many others out there. I hope you don't mind me saying this its just a struggle of ours at the min to get help we need because the NHS is drowning...

Current state

@CustardPies4 Hello. 👋

Have read a little of the thread with interest.

My motivation has taken a whack- not sure if this is connected to citalopram. Feels like it is. Like am literally glued to my phone while not feeling good about it! They say it takes a couple of weeks to work, I hope so.

@Ilovedogs1 Hello ☺️

A huge roller coaster of emotions today but slightly buffered as to what they could be without anti depressants. I've emailed a local service about private counselling so that is a hugely positive step.

I keep sort of mentally drifting off, consuming with past emotions, thoughts, images and conversations. The GP said this wasn't psychosis as I'm not seeing and hearing things.

I'm going to choose some music to put on and then choose a length of time to focus for on some work. I find saying I am choosing makes it easier to motivate myself.

Thanks for the hug.
I have trouble being ok about myself because of mental health and cptsd. And decisions I've made lately that I find difficult to live with the consequences of. The antidepressant I've switched to has given me bad insomnia which doesn't help at all.

Genuinely sorry and I didn’t mean to offend you or any others. I’m from a generation but no excuse really where ND was stigmatised.

I have needed help via the then version of CAHMS but resisted medication as what they gave me at 13 was too strong. I think if anything I’ve masked.

I actually have no idea if I am ND or not and am considering getting tested for ADHD etc.

Again sincere apologies.

I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m sure I have PTSD and mental health issues too. Decision making has been awful for me too. I think when you’re unwell you find it hard to think clearly and make decisions.

Sorry about the bad insomnia which I hope improves soon, and it’s what I’m going through right now which is hell.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain no offence taken just wanted to explain how difficult it can be for some. But I also realise it can still be difficult for others who are struggling and sometimes MH and ND are linked. I've recently been diagnosed with ocd through therapists and gp.

Hope everyone's had a good weekend.

@CustardPies4 I hope you enjoyed the music!

Checking in for the day.

I've had an emotional rollercoaster already, but managed to diffuse a panic attack.

I've given myself a few tasks to do.

There's a further list of upcoming tasks, but I'm not going to comprehend them yet. Try and stave off overwhelm.

My sleep was appalling so its state management rather than progress today.

@Helplessandheartbroke - I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD, so I think part of what has impacted me in relationships is that - feeling impulsive, restless, difficult to make decisions. I'm struggling to accept at the moment. And keep crying, having panic attacks etc. The only thing keeping me going is work. I fall apart on the weekend.

@CustardPies4 Also had to talk myself down from being on the cusp of a panic attack this morning. Haven't had one for years (used to have them every day) so I know my mind isn't in a great place. I hope you're feeling calmer.

Thank you @snowfoxglove and im glad you are doing a bit better even if things aren’t 100%!

im definitely in a much better place than when i started writing on this thread so thank you everyone for listening!

hope everyone is going ok today?
@hk1993x i think of u a lot and hope you are ok, haven’t seen u post in a while xx

Great job on talking yourself down : ) One step at a time. 💐

I'm struggling to find positive achievements about my day. Probably tired and been cross all day about my sleep sabotage.

I'll try though. I did some quality work, had a good meeting and addressed a couple of issues that have been stressing me out.

Friendly hug to all 💐