General support thread 2

[Helplessandheartbroke]

All welcome. No judgement and kindness all around x

It's horrible isn't it?

I've made some really bad recent choices and at 35 I'm terrified ive fucked my life for good. I regularly want to tap out because things are such a mess and all around me people are moving forward and thriving.

@Nannie24 I'm a huge control freak too so can't help with that one I'm afraid but I can relate! People knick name me the manager because of it x

@fara20 @JamSandle I can also relate. It's due to decisions I've made that have messed me up too but we have to remind ourselves that noone is infallible x

I'm sorry you feel this way @JamSandle . I feel bad for even writing how I feel on here.

Don't feel bad @fara20 that's what the thread is for. What you upto today? X

You're so kind @Helplessandheartbroke - I don't want to make anyone feel worse.
I'm not up to anything much. I was doing a bit of sanding in the living room. Part of an attempt to accept things and that I can't stay frozen in denial of reality.

I think I feel at peace now knowing relationships aren't for me. I cant do them. I mess them up. A bit young to give up maybe but...I only seem to fail!

@fara20 how did the sanding go? @Dawn1331 us currently renovating too if yous want to share some pics? X

@JamSandle you're 35 not 75! Don't give up. You're such a lovely person 💕 things will happen for you when you let them x

Hope everyone else is OK? @Whycantgiraffesdance @Ilovedogs1 @snowfoxglove and all x

Hey. On a whole I'm doing OK atm. Getting the odd intrusive thought here and there and a bit of anxiety sometimes but better than I've been. I hate saying that though because I feel like I'm tempting fate. X

@Helplessandheartbroke I feel old after so much trauma. So much grief, so much mess. I have no idea how to ever be healthy enough for a relationship ever again. It feels like something that's just not meant for me.

Then all the unhealthy 'stuff' comes up - not wanting to be here on this planet anymore, self-sabotage, pushing people away. Just so sick of it all. It's such an uphill battle to deal with mental illness and difficult life circumstances. One just sets off the other. I'm tired.

@Helplessandheartbroke I'm not renovating. When I moved here I was going to paint everything. But that was before. Now I struggle to accept that I have to be here.

@JamSandle i didn’t meet my current partner until my 30s and we now have two children! Please don’t give up on yourself, you deserve to be with someone as much as anyone else 😘

I’m doing ok @Helplessandheartbroke I think! Like @Ilovedogs1 i don’t like to jinx it by saying it!! 🙈still have my demons and I still struggle with the morning anxiety but trying to make my peace with that! how are u doing?

Hey all! Glad you're doing ok @Ilovedogs1 and @Whycantgiraffesdance I've been doing better until last week when ds sleep regressed even more so. I'm constantly exhausted!

@JamSandle time heels. Give yourself more time hun but don't give up!

@fara20 a freshen up will help. How's the new job?

@Helplessandheartbroke you were up late last night/this morning.
The new job starts on 1 July. Although the details aren't all confirmed yet. But I think I have to spend the first week down there at their office. I won't be sorry to leave this temp job as it has been pretty awful. Line manager is so busy I just log on and wait to be given things to do. It has made me feel worse.

You could've easily have described me when younger.

Not sure if mine is/was as a result of PTSD or other things as suffered from anxiety when younger and also insomnia and then in my 20s it seemed to go away and I sailed through that period.

Now at 52, menopausal and anxiety reared it's ugly head for about 2 months last year and then this year recently, well this week.

I sort of know why it has come up - I do contract temporary work, which is unstable at the moment but in terms of resilience which I used to have this is not there any more. Been crying on and off for 2 days now.

Is there hope for us? I want a healthy relationship. At 35 is it too late?

@fara20 my sen ds doesn't sleep much at all hence the complete exhaustion as I still have to work full time!

How is everyone today? 35 is so young @JamSandle ill be joining that mile stone next month!

@Helplessandheartbroke Oh, that's very difficult, working full time on no sleep. Poor you.
@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain I sympathise, I also have been doing contract work. And menopause can play havoc with our mental health.

Hi everyone,

@Ilovedogs1 Don't worry about jinxing it. Tbh I don't believe it's possible. I'm glad you're doing better.

@JamSandle It's normal to feel a bit jaded when relationships don't work out. At the same time, why would someone who wasn't right for you dictate your entire relationship philosophy? We all encounter a tosser on occasion, it doesn't mean it's on us to internalise all that guilt and blame.

@Helplessandheartbroke It's always good to hear from you lovely xx I hope you are feeling a bit better and that you managed to get good rest. It seems like these last 6 months have been hard. Have you benefitted from your CBT course? You have been working in yourself and I'm proud of you xx

As for me, a bit better -- I had that massive breakdown when I just started cutting my AD's on half in May and now I know never to do that.

I implemented a lot of boundaries with my family member because I deserve to have my own peace and not constantly feel guilty when I don't get along with someone and I never will. It's not my job to set myself on fire to keep someone who's family (but a bad influence) warm.

I still struggle with feeling constantly exhausted and burned out but I don't feel as dreadful as I did in May so happy with that, I suppose.

@Whycantgiraffesdance I read your updated as well and I'm glad things are more or less okay.

A very wise thing I read on MN was when struggling with MH is to try and make things just 5% better. That calmed me down a lot because it's not an unrealistic goal. Just aiming to feel a bit better.

Sending hugs to everyone on this thread 💐

@snowfoxglove hey! Good to hear from you too sweet. Well done on setting boundaries and sticking to your meds. If they lift us up a little then no need to quit them just yet!

Had another cbt session today and she taught me about stress buckets and how when they're overflowing you need to put holes in the bottom to drain some of the water out. A hole could be as simple as reading a book or having a bath. It could be socialising or booking a break away. Something to relieve some of the stress. So I went and booked another holiday today haha!

Hope everyone's doing well! X

@snowfoxglove you're so right about the last 6 months! I don't know how I'd have got through without you lovely ladies x

The problem is...I was the asshole :(

@JamSandle unless there's more to the story.. you weren't! You're human x