Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

@Theordinary
Sorry DD isn't able to go to school.
I agree with not forcing her to do work at home and to be led by how she feels.
It is very worrying when it's an exam year I will be honest.
Do you have a plan for after GCSE?
Just focus on the entry requirements for those and only if she is able to.
At this point, few girls in DDs school were completely working from home to avoid school anxiety.
Half term is almost here and many of us will breathe a sigh of relief with one less hassle of school I am sure.

Xx

I didn't read the part about your DD being on day 10 of fluoxetine.
That could explain a lot of the low mood and withdrawal.
The first few weeks were horrendous for my DD.
She was so miserable and even had her second overdose at that point.
We were warned about the increased suicidal ideation on fluoxetine but still it knocked us out.
Please keep a close eye on your DD.
Let her stay home and rest.
It takes a while to adjust to fluoxetine.
My dd still isn't seeing any improvement to be honest but at least the negative effects are no longer there.

@DarkChocHolic I'll keep an eye on you like you said. She seems a little bit better the last couple of days. We now have the Psychiatric report and the school asked us to send a copy for medical evidence of her mental illness. That really got up my nose as I feel like they don't believe us or are minimising her issues. I didn't want to give it to them but I have done. I'm scared they will start to fine us. Luckily the report was very comprehensive as it stated that DD should have a period of time off school until she stabilises so that will get them off my back.
Camhs have agreed to fund DBT also on the recommendation of the private Psychiatrist but that won't be until the summer. I'm still wondering about whether to do the EHCP. Also think maybe I should apply for a Section 19. The only problem with that could be that the school may not let her come into school to complete her GCSE Art project.

@Theordinary I think you should request an EHCNA. Being in receipt of s.19 provison doesn’t mean DD cannot attend school when able to.

@1spinforward2back Thank you for that. I'm been trying to look it up and hit a blank. So am I right in thinking she could just go into complete her art coursework and do the other work at home? If she felt well on the odd days she could maybe attend a lesson or two?

I've just applied for (and about to appeal) an ECHNA for my DD who is in year 10. She may well have to repeat the year anyway. Year 11 is not too late, because your daughter might need college support.

We have a meeting with school and LA next week about section19 provision. I shan't hold my breath. And tbh my DD is loving being off school, and "finding herself again "- her words.

@MackenCheese I think I should do the same for DD. I hope you can get somewhere with the Section 19 meeting. I've just had a phone call from the deputy head. Apparently the Head teacher says that section 19 would likely take too long to organise. I suspect this is just stalling tactics. Also he said that I need to provide a sick note with expected duration of sickness! How am I supposed to know how long she'll be off for. I'd already sent the psychiatrist report and that's not good enough apparently. I'm fuming. The school have offered a reduced timetable so I don't know what to do for the best now. This legal stuff has me tied up in knots. I'm way out of my depth here.

@Theordinary ISPEA and SOSSEN are good places to start learning about the SEN system.

s.19 provision isn’t only for those who can’t attend at all. It can be for those who can attend part time. So, yes, DD could attend just for art or for art and another lesson. But if she isn’t able to attend at all it can also cater for that. You do not need a sick note. s.19 provision won’t be instant, but if you force the issue it can be done.

Hope everyone is doing OK?
Almost half term.......sigh of relief at ours.
I am beyond exhausted but glad I don't have to fill the attendance or expect call from school for a week.
Bliss!!
Xx

I am relieved it's half term for my son, the poor thing has been the only one leaving the house everyday for the last few weeks. He needs a break. I agree.. not having to have dealing with the school for a week will be lovely!

@Theordinary
I know what you mean about DS being the only one going out of the house.
The siblings do shoulder the burden sub consciously and I feel for them.

I did go to work yesterday and it felt great to escape to be honest.
Had such a stomach knot coming back home in the evening. Just wanted to sit in the train forever

Xx

We hate half term, going back is like starting all over again. I know she is going to be difficult these holidays as she will be bored.
DD was meant to be attending a new lesson but has been once and has had several panics about it. Trying again after the holidays.

@MinionKevin I'm sorry to hear your DD is struggling. We love the start of the hols but by the end of the week the anxiety starts to build up for my DD, so I know exactly what you mean.
@DarkChocHolic I had to extend my sick leave as I have been feeling slightly unhinged in the run up to going back to work. I think it all just caught up with me and I cried on the phone to my boss which was embarrassing. DH has been really quite poorly with his mental health. DD seems a little better but still no school and very little revision so I despair a bit!
Life is just so strange these days. Nothing feels the same. I suppose going back to work with at least give some routine and sense of normality. And some peace and quiet on the long commute like you say.

@Theordinary
Sorry to hear. I hope your DH gets seen by mental health team soon.
I cannot imagine all of you being ill and also having DD struggling.
I hope you feel better soon.

I haven't coped at all this week. Spent several hours sobbing. Doesn't solve anything just gives me an outlet I suppose.
DD is on reduced timetable and has to go 1 to 2 hours a day. Idea is she uses rest of thr time to catch up on outstanding work and am pretty sure that isn't what's happening.
School has been ramping up on ucas and y12 exams etc and I have been quietly moving all those emails to another folder unread.
In the meantime crisis team want to hand us over to camhs and I have no clue what support camhs will offer..a monthly check in is all we got before.
Am tired and fed up....don't want to do this anymore. Don't we all!!!

On another note, what do people do with their anxious and depressed teens over the holidays.
We are really struggling to bond as a family after all the recent events.
We had family therapy and the suggestion was to find things to do with DD. She kept saying "I have no interests" and "I don't know" to every thing.
To be really honest, I just want to curl up and sleep...finding things to do is so hard now. We booked bowling over Christmas and she refused to come. So, DH had to stay with her as she couldn't be left alone.
Normally with a moody teen, the advice be to leave them to fester away but with a depressed teen I need to actively make an effort to get her out.
Please inspire me..
She loves eating out, theme parks..family walks, board games etc are a no no

@DarkChocHolic Would she like bowling maybe, or there's these panic rooms that you can do as a group. Although that would be our worst nightmare, imagine that when you're already highly strung out! Perhaps not the best idea. It's hard when they feel self conscious and anxious as even the most simple things seem too much. Maybe find a nice recipe or some baking. I say all this but we're in the same boat really. DD doesn't want to do much with us. Tends to spend all day I her room listening to music and looking at Pinterest.

Sorry I've been quiet. I completely identify with dreading half term. My DS is into trains, so one day next week we're going to Birmingham by train just for me to look at a particular furniture showroom. My view is that I can't revolve entirely around him, so it's a win-win!

DD s section 19 meeting went OK. School are being pushed to make the referral, even though the senco knows deep down she isn't going back to that school. The LA guy ignored all my comments about not coping with school, depression, asd diagnosis etc, abd kept going on about this being a temporary measure to get her back into school 🫨

However, I'll be using the quieter week next week to "get my ducks in a row" on the appeal paperwork. The simplistic side of me is thinking ' well if we only have 12 weeks of section 19 provision , then it should force the LAs hand with the ehcp and home learning' . But of course that would be too easy, wouldn't it? What happens after the provision is finished? This whole thing is exhausting 😟

Her birthday is this weekend, so I'm making a huge fuss, so we have a lovely time. She is such a lovely kind and peaceful child, I wish I could take all the struggle away!

@MackenCheese , with the section 19, is it for a limited period? Apparently the school have applied for my DD too. I'm wondering how long it takes to organise and what exactly the provision will entail. What year is your DD in again?
I hope the birthday plans go well and you all have a lovely time. The train trip sounds like a great idea too.

Sorry to hear many of you are struggling.

Some of DS1’s EOTAS package continues in the holidays.

Section 19 provision isn’t time limited. Any LA who says it is time limited is acting unlawfully. For the majority of DC it will be about reintegration either into the original school or another, but it won’t be for all.

Edited to add it is only for compulsory school age pupils though. And does not apply if a pupil ceases to be of CSA within 6 weeks and doesn’t have any exams to complete.

@DarkChocHolic we are going to IKEA and some shopping one day and we’ll eat out.
We struggle to do anything else. She probably wouldn’t go bowling (too loud) and won’t go to the cinema now.
I desperately try to things she might be interested in and fail. I probably just went to town with my school friends at that age and the cinema. She does a lot of art but won’t go to art galleries, although I’m going to push this again.

The biggest problem is her friends also don’t want to do much these days. So they aren’t alone.

Yes, thank you @Theordinary the senco asked how long for, and the LA man said about 12 weeks or a term. She is in year 10, and not yet ready to engage anyway, so let's keep each other posted on whether any provision actually appears!

@MackenCheese s.19 provision cannot be time limited in that way. The LA’s duty applies whilever DC cannot attend school full time.

I agree @1spinforward2back , just LA tactics again. I went through all this with my son a couple of years ago 😭😭.

Anyway, this month I went mad and refitted my bedroom with new furniture, bed, bedding, pillows, the works. So at least I feel like a princess at the end of each day. I'm turning in tonight at 8.30pm just to enjoy it 🤣🤣

Im sorry so many are struggling, I recognise half term can be a mixed blessing, no more school anxiety and struggling to get them into school but on the other hand a break in routine does make it hard to restart, and holidays can be lonely.
I am working so always feel bad DD is in bed in her room rather than going out, most 16year old would be going out independently.
@1spinforward2back Please can i pick your brains?
We have our tribunal hearing on Tuesday, Im dreading it- my stress levels are maxed out!
Anyway today LA asked to submit late evidence from CAMHS, they have emailed CAMHS and without any permission being sought CAMHS have released letters from her psychiatrist and written an email to LA. Im a bit amazed LA managed to get a response from CAMHS!!!
Im not sure what the letters prove/disprove, I think LA will be trying to say CAMHS can do some therapies and that its a health need not an education need i.e LA dont need to pay. However CAMHS have offered her no therapy-Ive asked.
But what really upset me that the LA have had access to DDs private medical information without either LA or CAMHS asking for permission- are they allowed do this ??
LA have returned working document but haven' t agreed to anything we asked for on EP report and have now striked through provision that was previously agreed at AR and didnt form part of our appeal-art therapy and sensory integration therapy by OT, honestly feel like crying. Can LA strike through previously agreed provision? ? It seems so underhand to do this 1 working day before the hearing without.

@Runnerduck34 dirty tactics. Try not to let this throw you, that is what the LA want. Although late evidence is sometimes refused if there is no good reason it is late, it is allowed more often than not, so whilst you can and should challenge its inclusion you need to be aware it may still be admitted and prepare for that scenario. Do the letters state CAMHS have not offered therapies? Even if CAMHS did offer some therapy they should still be in F. Is it an extended appeal?

The release of information from CAMHS is separate to the point about late evidence. Are you sure nothing has been signed previously allowing information sharing between agencies? Maybe at the beginning of the EHCP process. If you, or rather DD, had refused to allow CAMHS to share information the LA could have requested an Order from SENDIST so as underhand as their tactics are, for now, I would focus on challenging the evidence at the hearing. Right now the focus is on a) challenging the inclusion of late evidence with no good reason and b) defending the case.

The LA can strike through previously agreed provision (assuming you mean in italics), but this should be relatively easy to refute given they previously accepted it was reasonably required. Ask what new evidence they have that it now isn’t required.

Remember you have done this before and won. You can get through this again. Ignore the LA’s games.

We also have an upcoming appeal, for DS3, and the LA has instructed a barrister and are being a nightmare with the WD.